Title:Drowning 2 Author: lucia [ Send a Private Message ]
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Copyright: me 2005 Content Rating: PG Disclaimer: all IC and showtime..i just had a thought Author's Note: well this is the second part of drowning. Dana's thoughts. On the show, I love them together but thought about what happens when real life happens. Not sure about going into the history that brought this about. Let me know what you think. I'm new at this feedback is great.
Summary: Its Dana's turn... Total Views: 3068 times.
Im drifting. I laying here on my couch with Mrs. P, the kitten whos now a cat that you got me years ago to try and mend my broken heart. You always tried to mend me. God you are good at that. She is nuzzling me, rubbing the top of her head to bottom of my chin. You fit so well there. I cant believe I let you go. I want you so much. I love you so much. I cant breathe. What did I do? I dont get it. I never have, I just keep fucking things up. I find good things in my life and I just throw them away. Well, I dont throw them away. I just try to manage them. Im so torn. I know I cant manage life or peopleso when I try I just end up screwing it all up. But I cant help it. I need to keep some control. I need to be able to direct my life. I cant live waiting for the other shoe to drop. It always drops. I didnt want it to. Why did I tell you that it was over? Why do I think its over? I should know better by now. You've proven it to me over and over....more than I ever deserved...yet.
Wow, how you make me feel loved. How can I feel so loved and so vulnerable at the same time? Only you can do that to me. No one else. When you hold me I know I am safe. I know that no matter what happens with my career, my family, I have a home. Do you have any idea how that feels? I am loved for me. Just Dana. Nothing else. The championships dont matter, the photo shoots are irrelevant. You look at me and see who I am and love me for it. I threw you away. But I was trying to save you. You understand that, right? You know I did it for you, right?
You are so much better off. Like this, well have each other forever. Well be on rocking chairs on a porch somewhere laughing at the people walking by on the street. But as a coupledamn.I want itbut it wont work. It never works. You can try to believe its good. Look at Bette. She is a shell of her former self. She was this woman we all were in awe of, well except for you. You knew her too well and saw through what we all believed. But look at her now. She is in a relationship for three years. Three fucking years Alice. She met this woman and felt good and thought it was better than being alone. But she is empty. She is nothing without Tina and Tina left. She left us too. She picked up, said it hurt too much and left us. We get to see her one week a year and get a Christmas card of her and her family. Her family doesnt include Bette. It doesn't even include us anymore. Do you get it? Do you understand?
I remember the first week we were together. I couldnt control myself. I couldnt believe that my best friend, by best BI-SEXUAL friend wanted me. You could have anyone and chose me. You are so beautiful. Even more so because you don't see it. Damn you made me feel good. My skin was on fire anytime you were in the room, let alone touching me. You made me feel more alive than I have ever felt in my life. And the sexfuck. I dont know what to say. I didnt know it was possible to feel like that. You know when you look at someone you love and you want to throw them against a wall and fuck them yet somehow at the same time as wanting to softly be together and make love to her. Who knew it could be combined? I certainly didnt. You threw me for a loop. Or two or two or three or four. Shit. I had it all. I had more than I deserved. More than anyone could. You would look at me and I knew. I mean I knewI was loved. Unconditionally. Completely. I didnt deserve it, but you gave it to me anyway. My mother never loved me like that.
