Title:Drowning Author: lucia [ Send a Private Message ]
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Copyright: me - 2005 Content Rating: G Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea - its all IC and showtime. Author's Note: This is my first attempt. Please be nice :-) After reading all about BnT and AnD - I was thinking about what happens when Dana's fears win and Alice is left alone. Set 5 years later. Not sure about continuing. Comments and feedback are more than welcome.
Summary: Its been five years. Ouch - that hurt. Total Views: 4067 times.
So here I am - a quarter to one in the morning, on the way home having just left Milk - and I cant help thinking of you. I dont want to, I want to cleanse myself of this, rinse you from my memory but I cant - I cant help but see your face. Remember the feel of your hips beneath my hands as we dance. The small laugh that escapes from your lips as I comment on something or someone in our surroundings. I could always make you laugh. I am drowning in your memory, sitting in that bar - remembering that smile coming with a little reassurance as I watched you work the bar. Our first dance, after you telling me no, you cant risk being with me, Id leave, wed lose our friendship (hearing it for the first of what seems like hundreds of times. How could you have ever thought that of me) Marvin Gaye came on and Michelle asked me to dance. We started to dance - it didnt last 30 seconds before you cut in, jealous but hiding with that smile - moving your hips into mine - smiling - lightly brushing you lips against mine. Swaying to the music - moving together - one body. We closed the bar that night, do you remember?
I sat in my car - with you by my side. You lost in thought. We laughed at something Shane had said - I put my arm on the back of your seat so that I could see behind as I pulled out. As I turned my head to see out of the rear window. - you reached for me and pulled me in to a sweet but ever growing passionate kiss. I put the car back into neutral - my foot still on the clutch. We sat there for a half an hour - just kissing - no petting - just kissing, tasting each other - getting used to the feel of each others mouths and tongues. I dropped you off at home in silence - both of us lost in thought - but a comfortable silence. God I miss that comfortable silence. I must have gone through three red lights that night - just lost in thought - lost in the memory of you - of you kissing me - of your scent - of your taste - of the feel of your lips.
That bar - it hold as many of my best memories as the house I grew up in does. It also holds as many of the worst as home does. Its the place you broke my heart - twice. Buts its where we were fric and frac - where no one could imagine one of us without the other. Where you told Bette that you loved me and when I said but not the way I loved you and the way I needed you to - you said no, reassuringly, thats exactly as you loved me. You just couldnt use those words. You took my breath away, then my heart my soul and then finally, sadly, years later my hope. Who could have imagined a life that brought me here? That brought us here. That something so beautiful could turn into something I need to forget. That I would want to cleanse my soul of you. How did that happen? When, why. My destiny gone. My other half. The person that loved me at my worst. The person who brought out my best - who knew me best. The woman who reminded me of the simple pleasures life had to offer.
Five years later and Im ready to erase you. What else can I do? If I dont - Ill never be complete again. I willingly gave you my heart of soul - how can I ask for that back? But without it - I will not be whole. So how can I move on with them? Well Im going to be home soon - Even there - you have engraved your fingerprints everywhere, into every memory. Even those that came after you took it all away. There is no where I go where you arent there. Even when we havent been there together- you are with me. I take you with me. Everywhere, unwillingly but relentlessly. Just through your palpable absence. There is no where I can go where you are not there. No matter where - I just wonder what you would think, though I know, always knew, I imagine your smile at the people or setting. How do I move forward without you - but how do I stand still? Can you ever learn to live without your heart or your soul? Do I even want to try again - Would I ever let someone have that much control - power over me. Someone whose presence makes the worst day bearable - and the best of days even brighter. I - alone - will be there. No one else - I need to learn to accept that. I did once before. You took that safety away. Move forward incomplete but sane. Why did you abandon me - our destiny - our hearts?
04/10/2005 ,
21:24:54 PM From:
bvhall Comments:
Very good, It hard to see someone hurt after such a lone tine. Can you go back and clean up that or as we know it hard to live with it,can you forget or just try to go on. weite more that was very good.. thanks
04/10/2005 ,
21:35:18 PM From:
Phoenix Comments:
Very sad, but very well written. Good Job. Are you going to about the break up from Dana's prospective? cause I would like to read it.
04/11/2005 ,
02:06:52 AM From:
Jamarikn Comments:
Very good. It made me sad but continue it too good for you to stop, I need more expalnation from both Alice & Dana
04/11/2005 ,
05:15:40 AM From:
belinda Comments:
great loved it but what happens from here lots of surprises in store i hope as this can go any way you would like
04/12/2005 ,
20:03:36 PM From:
tennisplaya Comments:
wow! made my throat tigthen and brought tears to my eyes. poor alice!
06/07/2005 ,
00:39:33 AM From:
EzLlama Comments:
Hey, a little late on the comments, I know, but I wanted to start from the beginning. So, first, let me say, wow! That was really really good, it really invoked the emotions you were trying to portray. Though I do hate to see Alice sad :'(
