They remained frozen like that, Alice holding Dana kind and soft, just as she had done so many times before and Dana letting her. Then she shook her head, moved backwards, averting her eyes while she said brokenly, "Maybe that's true but I still can't be with you."
"Why?" asked Alice just as brokenly.
"What?" replied Dana, darting her eyes to the door and wishing that she was moving through it already. She couldn't take much more of this. It was a million times harder than she ever imagined it being and it was breaking her.
"Why can't you be with me?" demanded Alice, moving to Dana who automatically began side stepping the blonde anxiously. Frowning at this, she then said, "What the hell, Dane?! You can't even stand me being near you now? What's this all about?"
"I can't be with you," repeated Dana, unable to say anything else for fear of giving Alice her true reasoning behind this mindset. "That should be good enough for you." Meeting their eyes, she said desperately, "Can't we forget about this? Go back to how it was before? I need that, Al. I need to know that won't change. That you'll always be there for me."
That was when the light went on in Alice's head and it shone through deep brown eyes as she neared Dana, a knowing tone in her voice as she spoke. "That's why," she said in a type of awed wonder. "That's why you're doing this. You're afraid if we date then we'll break up and I won't be there for you anymore. That I'll leave you like other people have."
In a moment of dismal humor, Dana realized she was witnessing one of the reasons Alice made such a good journalist. Then she realized she had to get out of there before anymore of her secrets were ferreted to the surface by her inquisitive love interest. "I have to leave," she insisted, turning away from the blonde and heading for the door. Only she was stopped by the soft hands she felt touch her gently so many times before hold her arm in an almost aggressive gesture. Though she knew she could easily break away, something stopped Dana. Perhaps the knowledge that it was Alice doing this. "Please let go," Dana was almost begging. "I have to leave."
"I wouldn't do that," Alice's voice shook with the emotion it reflected and Dana felt those soft hands wrap around her waist as Alice pressed her face against her shoulders. "I would never do that to you, Dana. I wouldn't leave you, I couldn't. I need the same thing you do... I need for you to always be there for me." A pleasurable shudder ran through Dana when she felt the press of velvet lips against the back of her neck. "I know you're scared," she confessed in a whisper. "I'm scared too but don't you think that it's worth being scared to have this?"
Trembling as Alice's lips trailed down her neck and under her chin while the blonde moved to face her, Dana said hoarsely, "I don't know. To have what exactly?"
"This," Alice whispered again to then meet their lips for a kiss.
Nothing could be better than that monumental four a.m. kiss in either of their minds but this was a close second. It was tender and fierce, expressing the depths of their passion, it was longing and frantic, showing the torn emotions from the change in their relationship, it was happy and sad, much like they were at that moment. Over and over, their lips met for kiss after kiss, moaning into to each other and pressing as close as their bodies could possibly allow, they kept going because they knew what would happen when they stopped. Reality would set in and this perfect joy would end.
The problem with endings is they always happen and there isn't anything you can do to avoid it. So the kiss did end and reality came charging to the front in the form of Dana backing away from Alice with wide eyes, left hand over her mouth. Touching it as if it had been burned, seared through with Alice's kiss and perhaps it had. Certainly Alice's kisses touched her deeper than any others before.
"I can't do this," Dana sobbed into her hand, reaching clumsily backwards for the knob to the front door with the other. "I'm sorry, Al. I can't do this... I can't risk it."
Shut.
Not a slam, not a bang, not even a whump, thought Alice. The woman that she loved probably more than anyone else in her short life simply shut the door after breaking her heart. Well, not breaking. Her heart was still beating so it wasn't broken. Dana had poked it maliciously causing it to ache bad enough that she thought it might soon end up broken.
Sighing heavily, Alice flopped down on the couch and rested her head back once again and thinking of last night, she said in grim observation, "I guess it was her turn to run away."
02/14/2005 ,
01:16:44 AM From:
defective Comments:
wow- that's the only word that came to mind when I first read this. I can tell already you're a very accomplished writer and this absolutely stunned me. I read a lot of fanfiction and never leave comments but this is most definitely deserving of one. I could easily visualize what was going on. Your flow is good and the characters wear their emotions on their sleeves. You can tell how fragile and sincere they are. It's a very touching and honest piece to read. I emplore you write more, it's very good and has potential.
thank you-
Def
02/14/2005 ,
01:19:40 AM From:
sulkygeek Comments:
eee!! Dresier, of the 'It Starts with Faith' fame? Oh, how I've longed to see more from you. And this? This is perfect.
02/14/2005 ,
01:20:31 AM From:
faithx5452 Comments:
dreiser, i am soo pleased that you're writing an L word story! all your stories are amazing and i'm so glad you're adding the l word amongst your fantastically written stories. please, please keep this story going!
02/14/2005 ,
01:35:12 AM From:
str8trippin' Comments:
this is awesome keep going
02/14/2005 ,
01:44:30 AM From:
dreiser Comments:
Heh. Yes, I'm the Dreiser responsible for the long neglected story It Starts With Faith. Sad, isn't it? lol.
02/14/2005 ,
01:45:33 AM From:
magickqueen Comments:
i love it! love it love it love it! your exploration of the depth of these characters are amazing; your ability to make the words flow together makes me wanting more .... keep em coming!
(hopes this is a long series)
02/14/2005 ,
02:07:22 AM From:
caligurl Comments:
Love it! post more post more post more... etc...
02/14/2005 ,
02:58:49 AM From:
Doofus Comments:
Read a lot of this with a dopey smile on my face. Well thought out and observed. And loved the length!
02/14/2005 ,
03:15:24 AM From:
betru2u Comments:
This story was simply brilliant!
02/14/2005 ,
03:23:45 AM From:
tr Comments:
Well, I gave five stars, but it's definitely worth at least 7.
02/14/2005 ,
12:01:36 PM From:
gte103j Comments:
This has to be by far one of the best written, beautiful and insightful stories I have ever read on this site. Please continue.
02/14/2005 ,
13:29:51 PM From:
LadyTLC Comments:
LOVE IT!!! Dana and Alice are by far my favorite L Word characters. I have read a ton of D/A fanfics, and this is the best yet. Please continue....
02/14/2005 ,
19:45:56 PM From:
coffeexmonster Comments:
So, so good. Definite 5 stars, for sure. I've read a lot of your stuff -- loved all of 'em. You are a very talented writer. I'm glad you decided to take a stab at an 'L Word' fanfic. I can just imagine the journey you'll be taking us on. I already think the start is fantastic! I'm just eager to see where things go from here! So, hurry up and get back here soon [with another update, of course ;)]. The people want more!
Thanks,
Ash
[p.s. -- The way you're writing Alice and Dana is PERFECT! Right on, girl. ...and Tina as well. You've got the characters down, so no need to worry 'bout that.]
02/15/2005 ,
03:08:38 AM From:
Sweet P Comments:
Wow, that was great. Please write more soon! I love it!
02/15/2005 ,
16:27:34 PM From:
Boney Comments:
Um... this was AMAZING!! Finally someone has given these characters the depth they deserve! I LOVE THIS! Honestly, well written, great dialogue, and it really feels like you have a distinct version of these characters personality, I loved it.
02/15/2005 ,
17:08:54 PM From:
jaybear Comments:
hi dreiser, thank you so much for posting this story! just mirroring what everyone else has been saying, but i think you have a great grasp on the characters. :) p.s. loved your buffy fics, especially "just one of the wiccans" lol!
