An immediate sense of panic filled Dana and she darted her eyes around the club, somehow feeling as if they all knew her secret as this woman obviously did. It didn't help matters that the creepy waiter had decided to finally join them and Alice was currently ordering her meal. By the time they were alone again, Dana was going through a mental list of believable denials. A list that disappeared the instant soft fingers grasped her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Looking into concerned brown eyes, she wore the expression of a lamb being led to the slaughter and that's what she truly felt like. Being outed by some reporter had long been Dana's worst nightmare and now it appeared to be coming true. She could barely hold back the tears on imagining her family's reactions.
"Hey," said Alice, her voice soothing and laced with worry. "What's wrong?" When fearful blue eyes finally lifted to lock with her own, Alice realized what was wrong and that she'd been the one to cause the terrified reaction in the woman in front of her. "Oh god, honey, don't worry. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not here for that... I don't write that kind of garbage. I might like to gossip but I certainly don't enjoy transcribing it for pay. That's not my style, if I do have a style to speak of. So please don't worry, there's no way am I putting this into any article."
"You aren't?" asked Dana in a whisper, not believing she could possibly be that lucky. Though she knew they were discussing her sexual orientation she still couldn't say the words. Not until she could confirm Alice was telling the truth. That was the worst part of being closeted, she thought. Having to put everyone she met through this battery of exhausting tests in order to see if they could be trusted with her secret. "Why wouldn't you write about it? Reporters love that kind of story."
"Some do," agreed Alice. She waited until she got the athlete to meet her gaze then echoed Dana's earlier statement with soft humor, "But I'm not most reporters. And besides, what's more interesting? Your sex life or a detailed review of a scrumptious crab souffle?" She paused and moved in close to say with utmost solemnity, "Not to be mean but I think it's gotta be the crab souffle."
Wrinkling her nose up as she laughed, Dana shook her head and all at once she felt better. She wasn't sure why but there was something inside her telling her to trust this woman because if she did she would never regret it. For the first time in a very long while Dana decided to take a chance and a sly smile pulling at her lips, she replied, "I think I'm better than a crab souffle. Ask Melanie."
"Is that so?" asked Alice, surprised at the quiet admittance and feeling a little overwhelmed the tennis player had chosen to trust her. In that moment, Alice vowed she would make sure it was a decision Dana would be proud she made. "I'll have to give her a call and hear that for myself."
"You do that," Dana chuckled, taking a drink of her juice.
The rest of lunch was successfully absent of drama and when they parted company they had each other's phone numbers but Dana's slip of paper also contained a hastily drawn map of how to get to The Planet. She had this because Alice had managed to get Dana to promise they both would hang out together over coffee. And as if to prove her pessimistic nature when it came to people and their promises being worthless, Dana soon found herself sitting inside of The Planet drinking coffee on a sunny Friday morning. Not realizing the women sitting with her would soon become the closest friends that she ever had. Close enough to be considered family. What she did know was that she was truly happy for the first time in long while and it was all thanks to Alice.
She would always hold that first meeting sacred because it was the first time in a long while that someone was kind to her without having some ulterior motive. But Dana didn't know that at the time and she put in a good deal of effort in the subtle art of testing Alice's friendship. Waiting with veiled cynicism for holes to form and the truth behind Alice's motives for seeking her friendship to leak out. Though it was in vain because any holes that were created came from Dana herself. And it was Alice, not Dana, who always repaired them with caring and detailed attention.
For the longest time there was a gaping void in Dana's life and she felt it came from hiding her sexuality from everyone around her. When she met Alice, she realized that was indeed part of the reason behind the constant ache in her heart but it was just one part. There was something larger causing it that Dana was never aware of until Alice.
And it was the fact that no one really knew her. Not in the realm of sexual orientation but knowing Dana in general. In hiding her sexual identity she also hid her heart and who she was as a person. To successfully perpetuate a lie that large over a span of many years Dana had to shut down a part of herself. The part that let people in, allowed them to see her for who she was.
After so many years of tortured confusion Dana found acceptance in her new friends and to her, nothing could possibly be more wonderful. She couldn't imagine her life without Alice in it and that's what made the kiss so scary. Relationships of the romantic nature fall apart, Dana accepted that as merely another fact in life. But she could never accept the idea of a life without Alice.
Which meant no romance. The reality of that almost killed Dana. Just like it almost killed her to think of the kiss, one that she had wanted for years now and how it was better than she could have ever imagined. The taste of Alice, the sound of her hushed moans, the feel of her warm body pressed close, God... she wanted that again. She wanted it bad enough that her body seemed to shudder and ache from the want Dana felt seizing her but she couldn't have it. Not if she wanted to keep Alice with her always. If they dated things might go well at first, like they did with any couple, but eventually something would happen. Hell, who was she kidding?
Eventually she would do something massively wrong and that would be it. Their romance would end and despite promises to stay friends forever real life would rear its ugly head and take Alice far from Dana. Logically she knew this was an overly pessimistic viewpoint on something she couldn't even properly predict at the moment but that was what Dana honestly thought.
Another part of her thought maybe Alice had kissed her to warn her away from Tonya. Though it looked otherwise, Dana wasn't in love with Tonya. She did like her simply because Tonya made it abundantly clear she thought Dana was special and she was touched by that. For Dana, it was unusual to receive compliments on the scale she got them from Tonya and while she knew not all of them were totally sincere it was wonderful to hear them nonetheless.
There was also the fact that Tonya was safe. One day if they should part and the marriage would end, Dana would be sad, of course, but she wouldn't be crushed. Her life would go on and she would pick up the pieces. Dana knew without a doubt she could survive losing Tonya.
She could never survive losing Alice.
In her mind, that put Tonya above Alice in the category of viable romance despite the fact that Alice was the one that she was in love with. Had always been in love with. To say that Dana's philosophy on dating and romance was odd wasn't a stretch to say the least but in a way it made sense.
Protection was what it boiled down to. Protecting herself from the pain of rejection she had been afraid of since she was a young girl and she first realized she was gay. The pain that she made into this huge monstrous specter that haunted her so much she hid who she was for years and years. The pain that was justified when her parents rejected her so very harshly. The pain that was filling her heart now as she remembered the feel of Alice's soft lips moving against her own...
And decided that it couldn't happen again.
Seconds later, the room was filled with happy chatter and activity as Tonya made her entrance into the kitchen. She watched with veiled eyes as her fiance made the coffee according the preferences she had wheedled out of Dana and came to another decision.
Alice had to be told, the sooner the better. Rising to her feet, kissing Tonya's cheek and murmuring an excuse about training in her ear, Dana made her way to her bedroom. Changing into a pair of workout clothes since she fully planned on training after this was over. She would need the release to somehow survive what she was about to do.
