’Gesturing to the TV Tina continued on, indicating the movie they had just began to watch.
’All this nonsense, about a true-loves-kiss… I’d love to think its nonsense, I would, but you remember my grandparents? Ive been dreaming to have that kind of love ever since I was a little girl! But I know it will never be true for me Bette, no one will ever look at me that way, of stroke my hair out of my eyes. No one will ever know everything about me, from the kind of toothpaste I love to use to all the scars on my body, no one will ever love all about me, the good and the bad, just because its me… No matter how much it is my dream to live the fairytale, Bette, I know I never have the magic of someone loving me just for who I am.
In the silence that followed, tunes of a song drifted towards them, and Bette felt her face wrench in the irony as she recognized Mr. Big’s ‘To be with you’
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
The words had reached to deep into Bette’s soul, the relieve over Tina not having found out the secret washed away by the pain and guilt she felt for having it. The knowledge that she would have to tell her made her heart pound with fear, and yet the truth could actually make the blonde feel a little better? Take away some of the insecureness she had just outed?
Inhaling sharply she opened her mouth to begin, as Tina, in a defeated movement, turned and faced the bedroom door, looking back over her shoulder, shaking her head.
‘Who am I kidding, I’m sorry Bette, I shouldn’t have talked to you in that way, I just wish I knew what was wrong with me… I know that it’s me, I know that I don’t deserve that kind of love… But even a control freak like you can’t control the matters of the heart right?’
Tina could hear her own voice, and sensed it was calmer, but still slightly harsh with pain. A fact she tried to make up for with a shy smile:
‘Listen, I’m just a crybaby, Bette, I’m sorry… I know that you can’t help it that I will never experience what it feels like to be kissed by someone who truly loves me!’
And with those words, the blonde turned, and headed for the bedroomdoor, leaving Bette, for a moment, stunned, before she felt how her body began to move. For once Bette Porter responded without calculating, for once she felt the fierceness, the unfairness, the love, everything she had been holding back and bottled up inside, raise up to eruption and she stepped in, moved closer... Facing the woman she, so bitter sweetly and ironically, had forever loved in the true way the blonde was so desperately looking for. The brunette felt her jaws clench in determinant impulsiveness, as she spat out the words:
'So, I can't help that? Let me be the one to show you...'
Why be alone when we can be together baby
You can make my life worthwhile
And I can make you start to smile
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you
In one smooth movement, Bette slid her palm around Tina's wrist, pulling her back in a moment that seemed to freeze... It was as in slow-motion that she placed her palm in the crook of Tina’s neck, and leaned in…
And as she pressed her lips, softly, on those of the blonde, Bette felt as if, for the first and only time in her 28 years of existence, she had found the reason for it...
She had found her destiny...
Her home...
She couldn’t remember later if the merging of lips had lasted seconds or minutes... It was as if everything earthy had fallen away, time, sound, space, nothing seemed to matter but the union of their mouths... She couldn’t recall either, what it had been that had brought her back to reality… If it had been the fingertips reaching her sternum, or the slight sound Tina had made in her arms, but suddenly it hit her and, realizing what she was doing, she instantly stepped back and turned. Away from the mess she had created, avoiding to look into the eyes she knew would contain a pain she had caused…
‘Oh my god, T, I’m so sorry’
The sentence was impregnated with a deep sadness that reached Tina’s heart, but the confusement over what had just happened caused her to hesitate to reach out… Her fingertips hovered in the air, where they had just caressed Bette’s chest, and slowly they made their way to her lips, which tingled through to the mere touch of those of the brunette…
‘I don’t… I don’t understand…’
The words came out faint and feeble, causing Bette’s heart to wrench with agony…
‘I love you, Tina’
The words she had held in for so long, the words she had never been able to utter to anyone else, came out with an ease that surprised the brunette…
‘I have loved you always, since the moment I saw you…’
Bette felt how tears made their way down her cheeks, as sobs caused her words to come out choked, while she remembered sitting next to her father. His screams that, no matter how many people would leave, a Porter was not meant to show hurt, especially not by crying. He had called her weak for her tears, and made it impossible for her, even now, to cry without feeling an immense guilt. But she had not been able to stop the tears at that moment, no matter how hard he had screamed, and ranted. But as her eyes fell upon the girl that was playing in the neighbours garden, something had happened inside her chest. It had been as if a warmth was spreading, and it wasn’t until much later that she knew what it had meant.
‘I didn’t realize it when we were younger, but Tina…’
She turned around to face the woman she had deceived for all those years, the dark eyes begging for forgiveness, for friendship, for understanding.
‘It’s always been you… I know that you don’t… That you won’t… I would never ask… And I’m sorry for that… I… But… Please, don’t ever put yourself down like that again…’
Bette reached out for the blonde’s hands but thought the better of it, and her arms fell down the side of her body…
‘And know there is always someone who loves you with the trueness you deserve…’
At once, Tina saw it, and it all fell into place… She looked into the eyes before her, and saw, without the shields, so clearly the love that laid behind the darkness… She had thought she had seen all, but the magic that caused her heart to jump, her knees to buckle and her soul to melt lay in those eyes, she just had never been looking properly.
‘Im really, really sorry. T, I never should have kissed you and it will never happen again, I swear… Please, don’t leave my life, I know I don’t deserve it, but I need you… You are the best friend I ever had, and ever will have…’
Bette’s words hardly reached the blonde’s mind, as a blur surrounded her. It was as if she only could hear the beating of her heart, the swirling of her soul as it found its destiny.
She took a small step for a woman, but a giant leap for her heart, as she approached the brunette that held her fate.
‘Bette?’
Her voice sounded slightly strict, causing Bette’s rant to be interrupted. Desperation lay in the chocolate-brown eyes as she awaited her verdict, biting her lower lip in a gesture that made the blonde smile with tenderness.
‘Yes?’
‘Shut up… And do that again…’
And with those words, she leaned in and laid her lips against those of her the woman who was destined for her, and found the miracle and the magic of the most powerful thing in the world…
The true-loves-kiss…
The end (but actually, just the beginning)
