I’d been ranting, as I usualy did when I was nervous. Saying she was with Jodi had been one of the hardest things to do. Letting her go... Again... And again... And again...

Although...

Letting go required something to be owned first...

And I wasn’t sure Id ever owned her heart...

‘Am I being manipulative? Is that...’

My eyes grew wide in surprise, and I shook my head in denial and disbelieve... For the woman sho knew me better than any other, and who could provide me with her amazing insight, her mistakes were equally as big as the depth in which she understood me.

I had ment myself, not her...

‘Let’s just talk when we talk?’

She had agreed, and I had said my goodnight...

Yet the conversation had haunted me, causing sleep to be delayed and, when finally arrived, filled with vivid dreams...

Oh how many times hadn’t I dreamt we were still together? That I woke up with the sensation of her arms around me so clearly? That all that had gone wrong was nothing more than a nightmare? And how many tears hadn’t I cried as I touched the pillow beside me, and felt the cold emptiness of it?

When she had called me the next day, I couldn’t help my face and heart to light up at the sight of her name in the display... But as she had started about the weekend in which she couldn’t take Angie, I had instantly known there was more to it... I recognized the tone in her voice, the undercurrent of tension, and, presumptuously, had assumed she wanted to say something about the kiss...

The mental slap that I caught was a hard one as she mentioned the problems at work she had with Jodi...

I felt my face wrench with anger, righteous anger at myself and not so righteous anger at her.

I loved her so much it hurted...

I’d told her what I thought and hung up, not able to hear her voice without my heart squeezing painfully in my chest...

I remember, stupidly, looking at my phone in utter disbelieve, as if it had promised me something it hadn’t been able to fulfill.