For he had been loving and kind, and always tried his best to better his worst flaw. He had taken me and my brother to some of the AA meetings that were assigned for us, as young as we were, but it had helped me in a strange, strange way... Many times I just closed my eyes to see his, in front of me, a night after one of the meetings, when he had said
‘Don’t make my mistakes, sweety, don’t conceal or run away from your weaknesses... You’re so much stronger than I am... You can face them!’
I had tried... I had tried harder... But recently I hadn’t felt like I was facing anything at all.
But if there had been one thing I had learned it was to assess my actions and my thoughts, it was like a second nature to me, even under this painfull circumstances, and my mind instantly drifted to the kiss...
Oh god... That kiss...
That kiss that had changed everything and yet nothing, that kiss that had given me my life back, only for one split second, and made me taste what it was that I had lost.
My heart leaped and I felt a shiver move its way up my spine... I couldn’t face thinking about that kiss now... And besides, what was the use?
I inhaled, deeply and quivery, trying, so hard, to avoid the waves of nausea that threatened to overwhelm me...
As I had been avoiding her...
That night I got a drink after work, hoping and yet dreading to run into her... Wanting something so bad and in the mean time being so majorly afraid of it. What would I do if i’d face her again? What could possibly be the right reaction?
Right...
That was just the point...
I had no right...
No right to ask, not for an explanation, not for her love...
For she was with Jodi.
God what had I gotten myself into?
She had stated, not accused, but merely stated, that Id been avoiding her... And the words of protest had died on my lips as she had simply raised her eyebrow...
‘I just think we should talk about it, thats all...’
I looked into those eyes that were my home, and knew the unavoidable talk had to happen.
