_ChapterO3

`Shane POV_

I kept quiet and let him explain.

“I know I told you one more month-” he began.

“Do you now? Because you’ve been saying the same line for over a fucken year and I believe it every single time!” I snapped.

“You know the drill Shane, we can’t do anything until we have enough evidence to pin him down”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, I don’t want to hear it John, I’ve been doing this for 5 years and I’ve had enough!”

“I know-”

“No, you don’t! You don’t fucken know anything except for the fact that you have to cuff Keilar so you can own a bigger office!”

I was furious, furious that he was fine, acting as if everything was ok. But then again, why wouldn’t he be?

He didn’t have to do all the killing and all the drugs.

I did.

He wasn’t the one with all the battle scars; he wasn’t the one in danger.

I was.

“Shane, listen to me,” he said calmly.

“We’ve got word on Evert and his firearms. We think both Morales and Keilar are going to fight for it. This will be the last thing you do Shane and it’ll all be over”

I grabbed him by his collar and pulled him forward, eyes glaring.

“It better be John or God knows what I’d do with you” I snarled.

Letting go of him, I made to turn.

“That’s no way to talk to your captain” John said evenly.

 I spun around,

“I have every right to do that John Walker!” I yelled,

“Because I don’t know when the fuck they’ll find out I’m a fucken cop trying to bust their ass, I don’t know when one of his people will turn on me to climb the fucken ladder! You don’t know what it’s like! All you have to do is sit in your fucken office and wait for me to give you some shit to work on. You don’t feel dirty after killing someone you don’t even know, you don’t hear the voices in your head telling you what’s right and what’s wrong because it’s all in my head!”

I was on the verge of letting those stubborn salty droplets fall but still resisted and turned to the side, catching my breath back.

The man put his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off and walked out of the old church, kicking the door open and then slamming it shut.  

This time round the anger wasn’t going away and I could still feel it heat up my body as I stormed into Heat once again, eyes scanning for a girl.

Any girl.

I didn’t like what I saw and it took me a while to realize it was because none of them were the person I wanted them to be.

None of them were Carmen.

“This is fucken insane” I told myself.

I went over to the bar and waved Daniel over,

“Have you heard of or know anything about Carmen” I said, straight to the point.

“That Latina can really shake her ass” he grinned in return,

“Where can I find her?”

“She’s a regular but I don’t know much about her, though she always comes with a friend. In fact, her friend’s still here” he pointed to a curvy redhead sitting near the corner with a blonde in her arms.

“I owe you one” I nodded my head at him before walking away.

I stood in front of Carmen’s friend whilst she had her fun with the blonde before she finally noticed me.

“What can I do for you?” she asked, her eyes never left the girl in her lap.

“I want to see Carmen, do you know where she is” I stated.

She finally looked at me at the mention of her friend’s name.

“What do you need her for?”

She was playing with me I could tell.

“You don’t need to know, I just want to see her” I repeated firmly.

“Then gimme your name” she commanded.

“…Shane”

“You’re Shane?” she asked, slightly surprised.