"It could if I throw myself off this hill from embarrassment."
The thought alone made Tina burst out into laughter after the final picture was taken and they were left standing alone while the Kennards took other pictures of each other with the sign as the background.
"I'm a bit concerned about this suicidal tendency you've developed since meeting my family," Tina teased.
"Isn't that what in-laws are for? Well in-laws and Alice." Bette replied.
"So that's now your answer to everything Bette? Throw yourself off cliffs and hills to your demise to avoid a sweatshirt?"
"Not just hills," Bette smiled as she continued to tease Tina. "I can throw myself out of a window at home."
"Oh yeah, that drop from our one story house would be brutal," Tina laughed. "You might actually sprain an ankle."
The light teasing was interrupted by the sound of Bette's cell phone ringing in her pocket. Tina rolled her eyes as she watched Bette scramble for it and roll her eyes at the number on screen.
"Speak of the devil..." Bette grumbled.
"...and she rings your cellphone," Tina finished, waving as she headed toward her family, leaving Bette to deal with Alice.
"I hope you're happy," Alice said quietly.
"Al? I can barely hear you."
"That's because I'm still at The Planet and trying to talk softly so I can't be heard," Alice informed her friend. "Guess who rode their horse into town already?"
"Do I dare to ask?" Bette shot back.
"Natalie," Alice quickly said. "She had 4 bags Porter."
"And?"
"Could that be more indicative of the U-Haul syndrome?" Alice hissed back. "I'm scared."
Bette's response was a loud laugh as words escaped her to adequately calm Alice's fears.
"Laugh it up Porter," Alice said as she rolled her eyes at Bette's reaction. "You're not out of the woods yet. I'm sure you'll get a surprise or two while they're here."
"More than the present?"
"That was classic."
"If you could only see me now," Bette mumbled thankful that Alice had missed what she said because she was already rambling on about her concerns over Natalie.
"She showed up with a baby."
"What?" Bette was genuinely surprised.
"It's not hers," Alice clarified quickly. "Believe me I was prepared to submit to a paternity test."
"You realize that you could have made a lot of money if it was yours? You could go to the Enquirer and sell your story."
"Lesbian world renowned writer impregnates ex-girlfriend's wife's cousin," Alice snorted. "That would make people look twice at the headlines."
"That would do wonders to break the stereotypes of lesbians," Bette said sarcastically.
