Title:BELIEVING IN LOVE - Chapter 30 Author: Gumby [ Send a Private Message ]
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Copyright: 2007 Gumby Content Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: The story and a few characters belong to me, the rest belong to IC and Showtime. Author's Note:
Hey Everyone,
What a journey it has been in this story huh? I remember in the beginning of this story, there weren't a lot of people that liked Megan. In fact, I think I can count on one hand the amount of people that actually had something "nice", or at least not negative, to say about her. In most of my stories, I've introduced some supporting character and try to develop them throughout the story. In Sweet Memories, it was Kristen. In On Center Stage, it was Tina's entire family. Obviously, in this one, we have Megan. It brings a smile to my face to see how many readers have actually changed their tune and now empathize with Megan, feeling sorry for her challenges in life. That tells me I've developed her well, so thank you for that feedback, it made me very proud of her character.
Due to this story, I've gotten a lot of PM's from people talking about loss. Some wanted to share their personal experience (for that I thank you), some wanted my personal thoughts on loss (which is only my humble opinion), and some merely wanted to thank me for tackling a rough issue, whether it be the menopause portion of this story or Megan's struggles.
Until now, I've refrained from really discussing my personal views on loss, because I tend to think my opinion is just that, an opinion. But, the PM's have persisted and so I decided I would talk a bit about it. I don't pretend to know much so if you feel compelled, you can skip down to the story right now. For those that asked for it, here you go! I've experienced loss on different levels, as many have, and have grown from each of the different experiences.
The first loss I've experienced is, as this story is following, loss through death. In a recent post, I dedicated the story to an amazing woman, my grandmother, who passed away some time ago but still lives on in my heart and memory. I often show her picture, which is proudly displayed in my house, to my daughter and share stories with her about what an amazing woman she was. I can close my eyes and see those same discussions taking place in this story between Bette, Tina, and Sarah. The loss hurt, but she truly lives on in the memories of those she touched and how my family and I live through her wonderful example. My thoughts on this are simple, live your life through the example of why they touched you and you continue to hold them close to your heart.
Many of you have written me about loss of a friendship or relationship. I, too, have gone through that and believe me it isn't fun. I've experienced both ends of the spectrum here.
The first is that you regret that person not being in your life anymore. I'm seriously going to date myself here, but in this particular example, I haven't talked to a friend since 1991 when we left high school. She has never left my mind, the argument that caused the break of our friendship isn't important, but what is to me is that it was never corrected. Well wish me luck because I now have her current address and with the resolve of a crazy person, I intend to make things right between us. She asked about me in 2001 at our reunion (which I didn't attend), but it's taken me a while to get some courage of the non-liquid kind to attempt to make things right. The lesson here is those that matter, try to always treat them with respect and kindness because you never know when it will be too late and they aren't walking beside you anymore. Regrets are a horrible thing.
The other 'end' of this type of loss is one where you know in your heart of hearts that severing ties is what is best for all. I had to make this tough decision when a relationship had ended and a short time after, I was contacted to initiate a friendship once again. In the time between the ending of the relationship and this 'friendship' contact, I re-established a friendship that apparently this person didn't approve of, and shortly thereafter received a wake-up call that the offer wasn't truly genuine as their actions didn't support the words they had said. I took a verbal beating complete with threats that had to be dealt with. It hurt to know this person wasn't sincere, as much as they wanted to claim they were, but it allowed me to look back and realize the person I thought they were truly didn't exist and it was best to walk away for self-preservation. Love yourself enough to make the decisions, hard and easy, that add to your life and not detour you from happiness.
The last loss that I've experienced is the loss of "yourself". I'm reminded of this every time this once All County athlete does something athletic and my knees scream at me for days afterward. I still press on, but I'm not the same person I was then, as I am so reminded when I run on the treadmill. I've lost pieces of myself through experiences and decisions I've made in life, where innocence is gone as I grow older. The important part of this type of loss, I believe, is to ensure you can always look in the mirror and be proud of what you've become and the growth you continue to pursue. I know I am.
So, to answer the PM's I've gotten on this topic, I have experienced loss in various forms. I'm not an expert in it, everyone has more than likely experienced some form of what I have described above, but my thoughts are pretty generic. I do believe someone stands by you, whether it be in death to make it easier (as with Janet in this chapter), in life during hard choices (as with Bette and Tina standing by Megan), or taking care of you as you lose parts of yourself that won't be recovered (as with Tina supporting Bette).
This hasn't been an easy story to write, nor to read from what I'm getting! So thank you to those that have stuck with it, comment to let me know your thoughts, or for sending a PM my way to just discuss things. All of it, from the silent read to a long and insightful comment, means the world to me!
Proofie - As changes are made, thanks for sticking in there with me. It's like that poem "Footprints in the Sand" where when things get low, the premise is that God carries you and you see one set of footsteps in the sand. I have that poem framed and in my house because I truly believe that, not only God but loved ones, carry you when things are rough. Thank you my friend for doing that for me, without expectation of anything, other than knowing the real me.
I hope you enjoy and there is one more chapter left...yes a glimpse into the future for this family.
Summary: Megan's time.... Total Views: 3410 times.
The night air was cooler than normal for this time of year in California. The breeze rustled through yards, shaking leaves on trees, and gently cooling anything in its path. This was the case when the breeze encountered the Porter household as it gently blew through the open windows.
The house was dark, the only light coming from the moon and the pool lights that reflected into Bette and Tina's bedroom. Bette and Tina were lying in a familiar embrace. Tina slept comfortably on her stomach, while Bette lay on her side with her arm protectively over her wife. The breeze gently entered the open window and caressed the exposed skin in its path. Tina stirred as she felt the sudden coolness of the night breeze.
The gust of wind cooled the room down quickly, forming goose bumps on Bette's mocha skin. As she shivered, she opened her eyes and glanced around the room before pulling the covers up around both of them more securely.
Angelica shivered as the night air blew into her room and gently rustled papers that were neatly piled on her desk. It continued to sweep around her room, making its way under posters that were tacked on Angelica's wall, creating enough of a sound to wake her from her dreams. She pulled the covers up to her chin and looked at the moonlight as it cast shadows in various parts of her room. Angelica turned over and burrowed further into the covers, willing herself to return to her dream, but having no success. She looked over at the red numbers glaring from her alarm clock and realized it was still the middle of the night.
"Ugh," Angelica grunted as she debated whether to brave the coolness of the night to get a much-needed glass of water.
Megan's room, despite the cool night air, was warmer. The moonlight paled in comparison to the light that was surrounding the image of Janet, standing at the side of her bed.
"It's time isn't it?" Megan asked again quietly.
Janet's image became focused, her touch warmer, as her smile offered comfort and peace.
"Tonight," Janet said as she sat down on the edge of Megan's bed. "You have a little time left."
"You've come to take me."
"I've come to help you," Janet said kindly. "We have a little time left to talk. We need to talk about some things before we go."
"Where am I going?"
"You're an amazing person Megan. You're coming with me as long as you can shed the troubles that hold you here."
"God I've missed you," Megan suddenly felt her body go numb. It started at the very point where Janet touched her cheek and moved through her body ending at her toes. "I don't feel any pain anymore."
"Not the physical, your physical pain is done Babe. We need to heal your heart now."
"I want to," Megan broke down allowing tears to cascade down her face. "I need to."
"You've carried around too much guilt about my death," Janet gently began the difficult conversation. "You did what I asked of you Megan, you gave our daughter a chance at life."
"I let you die."
"It was supposed to be that way," Janet smiled once more causing Megan to smile back. "You're not always meant to know why, to find reason among the difficult times in life, but you have to have faith that when you make decisions with your heart, you make the right ones."
"I've replayed that night so many times thinking there was something else I could have done."
"I was meant to die," Janet said softly. "You can now understand that Sarah had to come first. You've made the same decision Babe."
"I'm a coward and didn't fight."
"Never," Janet pushed a strand of hair behind Megan's ear. "You spared our daughter pain by taking it on now, that's not being a coward, that's being a mother. There is no other love like that between a parent and a child Babe. You've personified that in your decisions, your courage, your heartache at the thought of not physically being with her."
