Content Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and storyline, and is intended only for authorized viewing on the Lword.com website. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the said author. Author's Note: Hello my Fan Fic Family,
I want to first thank ALL of you that read this story, and nominated this story for Fan Fic Awards. I know I have shared with you all, that this story for whatever reasons that I don't even know myself, is one that is very close to my heart. I am humbled by your generous nominations, and win or lose, I appreciate the honor that has been bestowed upon me for my writing for you, the readers.
I have never lost a partner through death, so I honestly don't know what I would feel in terms of that, and I never want to know either. I have lost some close friends through death, and I am very aware of my own emotions as a result. I guess I have tried to take that and apply it tenfold if it were my partner.
In the beginning this story, I have to tell you, I was emotionally drained. I have NEVER written anything that caused actual emotional fatigue like this did. I have been careful to make sure that it is done the justice it deserves, and from the feedback I have received in the comments back, the private messages, as well as other means which some of you have to share with me your thoughts, I think I have done okay with what I set out to do.
Thank you all again, so very much for all your support and generosity. It is appreciated more than you could ever imagine. I want to let you all in on something that I did today, because I feel I owe an explanation to the readers.
Today, I asked Jacky, the Site Admin to remove my name from one of the award categories, and that is the [u]Non-Traditional Storyline/Pairing category.[/u] I have honestly contemplated this with much thought, and I have come to the very same conclusion each time.
I feel I owe it to the readers who nominated me, to explain what brought me to do so. I am a firm believer in the idea of "sharing the wealth" when it comes to anything, and in this case, it's awards. I have been awarded "seven" places in the different categories, and I am completely humbled by just that alone. I have won a total of "three" awards since joining the site, and when I look at this one category, I see a fair amount of new names there who have never had the chance to receive an award. In removing my name, I understand it doesn't automatically mean that one of the author's who have never received an award will end up being chosen, but for me, it just feels like the right thing to do.
I have been known to make decisions, which are more from the heart than logical, but it just feels right.
I hope that I do not offend any of the readers who voted for me, by dropping out of this one category, but in speaking for myself, there is so much more benefit to step back and hopefully in doing so, allow someone else the opportunity of their very first Fan Fic Award.
I will never forget what it meant the very first time that I won, and if I can do something which could enable another person a better chance of having that same feeling, then I have absolutely no problem in stepping out of this one.
I truly hope that I have not disappointed any of my readers who had cast votes for me for in that particular category for this storyline. If it helps any, the decision was NOT an easy one in the least. In fact, it was extremely hard, as I was aware that there will only be a few chapters of A Life Denied left, and because of that, there will only be a few chapters available for consideration in the next round of awards. However, when something seems like its just the "right" thing to do, there isn't usually a lot that can happen to change my mind.
With much respect, and of course.....Love, Hugs and Peace.... Chicki
Annabel66: YAYYYYYY you were first!! It was your first time! WOW your Chicki Fan Fic cherry has been popped!!! LMAOOOO at your tail wagging! Gosh this place is gonna turn into a pound if we all have tails a waggin!!!! RUFF RUFF...GRRRRRRR...:- )) Anyway, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I know you know how much it means, coming from such a terrific writer as yourself. I am so happy how much you appreciate the author's notes, particularly that one. I think we both understand the depth of that, and thanking me for offering and accepting a friendship is not necessary, as it is a two way street there my friend. LOL ..hmm....your foot touched my bottom eh? I thought I felt something last night...bah-da-bing...sole-mates. ROFLMAOO you are quite the character. Keep smiling my friend, it makes people wonder what you have been up to. xoxox
coop: Almost Saturday Coop! Almost! I'm glad that Bette got Angie right into therapy, and didn't wait for her own perceptions and unhealthy thoughts to take over. You are very right that Tina would have definitely sacrificed her own life for that of her child. I also wouldn't imagine a Mom who wouldn't, and wouldn't probably think very much of one that would easily cast their responsibilities as a parent aside to think of ones self. I think that is what makes Mom's so damn cute and attractive. It is that ability to put ones child before even themselves which is a completely turn on, but more important, a sign of their character. I don't ever see Fran putting herself between Bette and Angie, because she appreciates and respects that relationship, as she should. I hate when men sometimes (okay I'm NOT men bashing..BUT)....who are fathers, end up being babies and want their wife to choose between them and the children. It's like WAKE UP !!!! A Mom will and SHOULD always pick their child over anything else. Some men have this warped sense of thinking that they should come before the children. I do agree, that when the kids perhaps are MUCH older, than there is a readjustment to letting them go a bit more, but when they are babies or young, then that parental instinct kicks in completely. I would never put my spouse in a position where she felt guilty about giving our child the attention, and certainly would never make her choose between the two. That's completely pathetic. Thanks for your insightful comment.
Ness: Awww sweetheart, now you know that I did run right in there when I realized I failed to leave you a comment on the front page....and we know how generous the other readers were to continue poking fun at me that I forgot ya...yeah yeah...we won't mention names...LMAOOOO. Okay you are such a good sport, as we both have a good idea how that one happened. HEE HEE. Anyway, you know it was an honest mistake babe, so no need to bring my food and water dish to the backyard, I'll have just as much fun...er..I mean MORE fun sitting at the kitchen table thank you very much. LOL!!! I know you are aware of what is ahead, and how this is coming to a close. I really liked this one, and don't know exactly why it touches me so much, but I will always find this to be one of my better pieces. Oh gosh, can you just imagine September????? I am beyond excited! I just wish we had two whole weeks to be spending with these gals, because we certainly could fill it up now couldn't we? Hmm....I'm wondering what that Koala dance looks like...care to show me later???? * smart ass smile * You want a sequel to this??? Hmm...not sure I could carry an ongoing story with Bette and Fran. Although, it would be a nice thought wouldn't it? LOL at you and your shopping. I cannot believe we got that order in already. Looks like we will be making many bows soon huh? Love ya babe, and see you real soon.
B: HONEYYY BBBBBB. How are ya babe? Got your email, and sent one right back at ya sweetie. LMAOOO I do know you get the fuzzies reading this, and as long as you have a nice pair of slippers on and a robe, you'll keep yourself all warm inside. *wink* Thanks so much for reading this. You are one very brave woman for doing so considering the circumstances which I won't go into here. You're very inspiring, witty, and wonderful friend. We'll be chatting soon, and remember that smile you had on your face when I surprised you? I just wanted you to know, it equaled itself when that surprise was returned. Luv and Hugs. xoxo
patpez: Thanks so much Pat! I really love Al! She is so much fun to poke fun with. When I read this to her, she starting laughing and added a bit of her own humor of course. Between the two of us, I can't imagine what it will be like when we are old and with bladder issues. EEEEK!!! Anyway, you are right with the connection between Ange and the therapist. It sure is essential that the child feel safe and find it an easy environment to open up in. In addition, we may see our Bette finally take some more steps which will show she has made some progress in "letting go." It's a wonderful feeling when that happens, and I hope to portray Bette with as much of that reality as possible. I gotta reach to those places in my life where I had to do the very same, in terms of ridding yourself of momento's and pictures. Let's hope our Bette will have the strength to do just that. I will say this, the story will be soft and tender as it closes out. Thanks so much for sticking with this one Pat. Hugs my friend.
delicious: HEY YOU don't you ever go there with pointing out that I forgot Ness. GRRRRRR...I might bite your ankle! LOL Then again you would like it wouldn't ya? LMAOOOO. I didn't have to kiss too much ass, Ness was a good egg about it all.....but....I still think I owe her more in the department of making up that is. * wink* Glad that Shell Jr, found the DL. Sheesh that would have been a little tedious to handle again on such short notice. You are a great multitasker, and a firefighter no less...LOL!!! Bet you just like to make a fire and then assist in putting it out huh? Oh...I don't mean a real fire...noooooo....more on the idea of a sensual fire. *winkx3* Remember those lyrics...up, up and away...in my beautiful, my beautiful balloooooooon?? LOL yes, you had this one read to you, and this next one here as well even. Hope you like it sweetie. Love and Hugs, and I'll chat with ya later.XOXOXOXO
tylo: THANNNKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSS
caitlin-jayne: Rutrooooo, how did I know that YOU would just love to tweak me on the whole forgetting to comment back to Ness huh???? LMAOOOO. Ya know, ya better watch those chocolates, could have some exlax in them. LOL!!!!! Oh you know I always make it up to her, she is more spoiled than anyone I know. Thank you for reading and commenting, I agree that this story is quite intense, and one I could actually find myself taking the time to re-read from start to finish. I am very proud of this piece of writing, and I don't say that very easily about my own work. So....thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it very much.
Probie: Hey Prob! Angie really did quite well at the therapists office. I think we saw this young girl take a very big step in finding some healing, and in Bette's presence no less, which only solidifies her own movement forward as well. The both of them are now addressing the grief and pain, while also going on the path forward together as a family, and with one hell of a woman that has graced their lives. Angie will be spending Saturday night with her Auntie Kit, so I'm sure there will be some sharing of feelings then as well. Thanks for reading and commenting my friend. Hope you adjusted well getting back into the work routine!
dalloway3: Hey Dally stop sticking your tongue out and STOP putting that wood on that fire you. LMAOOO. Ohhhh you think I should mini skirt myself for Ness eh? LMAOOO she would probably laugh if I did that...then again......Er...nevermind. Awww Dally, in the least, I would make sure Fran and Tina made an appearance on YouTube. LMAOO...we know all about that now don't we? It was funny playing tag team last night, so glad we can keep all of use entertained huh? Talk to you soon...like later tonight. * hugs*
skehe68: Hey Ske, LOL, I certainly have no problem sharing my opinon and insights. They definitely are not always the best, the right ones, or only ones. However, what's great about life is we all have em just like we all have.....er....shut it Chick!! LMAO. There will never be a quiz at the end, so no worries babe. I was cleaning out my PM's the other day, and re-reading the ones you sent and you had me laughing at a few of them for sure!!! ROFLMAOOOO little doghouses with windows, that's awesome. I may need to move to Texas! Would be great, cause then I would be a "little" closer to California and Shell's tractor. Thanks for the comment, I do think that Bette will be making some major progress with a few things as the story comes to a close. NOOOO it is NOT in real time you smartypants. Hmm.....I owe you something? You'll have to PM me with just what that was....or is....or was...or is. LOL
lucybelly: Hi Lu, thank you for leaving a comment. It sure has been an incredible love story, and quite unusual without our Tina in it. I appreciate your sticking with it and reading it.
jb621: Hi JB!!!!! I was just thinking about you the other day when we passed by this little Italian Market, and of course, my Italian paisan's came to mind. LOL!!! Shhhh.....did ya have to go and point out how negligent I was???? LMAOOOOOOO. You should have seen when I read her comment, I think I went pale, because I felt bad. I completely agree, that if you start as friends and build off of that, that it is truly a strong foundation which one will build. If you can go through those rocky and unpleasant moments, but still find yourselves in one anothers lives, then you would have to applaud and appreciate what it is you both have. LMAOOOOO at Alice's hair. You never heard of a cowlick??? Um....google it. Ciao Ciao hun.
coop: ROFLMAOOO Did ya see how I ended up in the doghouse?? Well almost. LOL! I will be sure to rest up. * wink * Thanks for popping into my story once again and commenting. I appreciate it.
robbeedee: HEYYYY my little RBD!!!! I knew you were going to be swamped with a lot of the stuff in terms of your move. Isn't it crazy how much one accumulates???? I know I couldn't believe how much I have in my 37 years. I too donated quite a bit to the Salvation Army, knowing someone else could still use a lot of the things I wasn't going to be. ** high fives you on the soulmate ** glad we are in agreement! Not that it would matter any if we were not, for everyone is entitled to their own opinion and view, for it makes the world go round. Hey...sorry about the Nancy Drew book...Awwwww maybe Santa might buy you the bound copies. * wink * Thank you so very much for your MORE than generous comment my friend. I love your insight, your contribution, your opinion, and how your words continue to always move me. You once again received the story as it was intended, with the wide range of emotions as each character develops and grows. I am so excited at bringing this story to its climax, but as you know, it also has been one that has moved me so much as a writer, that I will feel a bit melancholy as it closes out. Love and Hugs, and I hope the house is filled with much love, happy moments, and lots of peace. xoxoxo
girl drummer: Hi GD! Thank you for reading and commenting. This particular piece of writing has truly moved me personally, as I see my own growth in it. My best friend tells me all the time, that she is so floored by how my writing has changed. I think the transition occurred when I changed from writing in a more "script" type format to this way. Thanks again for your generous comments.
To the silent readers, thank you so very much for your continued interest. It means so much to know that there remains, and interest in this story.
Summary: I loved Momma T so very much. You were our future. We wanted to have a baby so much, and your anticipated arrival filled us up completely. It's so hard to explain, except that I felt some....some bond with your mother that was broken by no decision of our own. Total Views: 1569 times.
As Fran pointed out all the marvelous qualities she found in Bette, Alice could not help but smile. She felt fulfilled at the thought of Bette finally turning herself over to another woman again, and this woman by far was the greatest thing that could ever grace her life.
“That’s so true. She’s a real trooper.” Alice remarked.
“She sure is.”
“Fran, can I ask you something? Between you and I?”
“Certainly.”
”When you watched the video…did you think I was having a good hair day. Cause see there’s this cow lick thing that sometimes happens, it’s like right here, and it kind of flips up like this, no…this way…no I think it usually goes that way. Well I just remember I didn’t bring any gel on that trip and I was so upset. So I was just wondering….ya know….how I appeared and all…did you notice it?”
Fran twisted her brows as she tried to understand this entire dialogue, as she recalled those things which Bette had said about Alice’s character.
“Um…well, I think you certainly…. dated yourself Alice.”
Alice dropped the eggplant a little harder than she should have, smiled and walked away, not realizing the eggplant fell to the floor, where the produce manager retrieved it, shook his head and placed it back on the shelf.
Fran chuckled as she selected a bag of shredded carrots for her salad and continued on with her shopping.
********** THERAPY
“We can never know for sure Angie, so because we cannot, then it is not fair that you take it upon yourself to make that decision. I’m a professional with years of experience and I cannot tell you that. I am sure the doctor’s could not tell you that either. Angie, just because someone is born, does not mean that now the child owns the responsibility for what happens to the parent because they exist in this world now, even if it seems that the child had some role in what happened.”
Angie appeared confused, so Cindy tried to create an analogy.
“Okay, let me see…let’s take for example, a boy about your age has been wanting his father to take the family boat to the nearby lake where they live. His birthday is coming up on the weekend, and he hounds his father to take him out on the day of his birthday. To him, it would be the best gift. Do you follow me so far?”
“Yes.”
“There isn’t much time between when the son makes this request, and the day of his birthday. Let’s say it is only two days. okay?”
Angie nodded her head to signify she understood.
“The father knows that the boat hasn’t been checked over in that past few years, and probably should be before they both go out in it. However, due to the son’s excitement, and because it is his birthday, he makes a decision to take it to the lake that once, with the idea he will have it looked over later.”
“That might not be a good idea,” Angie interjected. “Sorry.”
“No…don’t apologize, it’s okay to interrupt me. I’m sure your Mom has taught you otherwise, but if thoughts come to mind, certainly know you can interrupt me okay?”
“Okay.”
“You are right Angie. Doesn’t it seem a little unsafe for the father to make a decision NOT to have that boat checked?”
“It sure is.”
“So, the father and son take the boat out, and the father makes the son wear a life jacket.”
“What about him? Does he wear one?”
“No, the father makes the decision, he doesn’t need one. He has always been a good swimmer, and therefore he makes his own decision that wearing one isn’t necessary.”
“That’s stupid.”
I could tell exactly where Cindy was going with this analogy, and I felt through Angie’s interaction, that she was making one hell of a connection which Angie would understand.
“You are right, because see as an adult, it really is his choice as to what he decides to do. It isn’t up to his son to make those choices for his father.”
“And he may not want to wear it if his father doesn’t.”
Angie was starting to guide the conversation elsewhere, but Cindy did a good job of steering her back.
“That’s a good point. So, if we think about it, we see two things that weren’t things that were the child’s responsibility or fault. His father made a decision to take the boat out without getting it properly looked at. He also decided not to wear his life jacket.”
“Did they have a good day anyway?”
“Well Angie, they didn’t. There was a problem with the boat. It had first started to smoke, indicating perhaps an electrical problem. The father tried to signal an SOS for help, but the radio wasn’t working. He then looked in the supply box for the emergency floating tubes, but realized he had put them away at that house for the winter.”
“Oh my god, what did he do?”
Angelica was completely engaged in the story. Her legs had stopped swinging, and she was now on the edge of her seat, literally.
“Well, the boat started to catch fire completely, he knew he had no choice now but to jump off the boat. He first lowered his son in the water, after having made sure his life jacket was secured properly, and then he jumped in.”
“But he’s a good swimmer, so how did they get back home?”
“Um……well see the father had been trying his best to stay afloat, but he was getting tired. Someone spotted the boat that was on fire and had called for help, but by the time help could arrive it was too late.”
“What do you mean?” Angie asked.
“The father drowned, but the young boy was saved.”
“But why? You said he was a good swimmer.”
“Yes, I sure did say that. However, he didn’t have the best heart Angie. This treading of water, and the panic that had set in, had been too much for him. He ended up having a heart attack, which then caused him to go under and drown.”
Angelica remained silent. The analogy was a strong one, and it was obvious she was taking it all in. I placed my hand around the back of her chair and allowed my fingers to play with the end of her curls.
“You know what was really sad?”
Angie shook her head no.
“The son blamed himself. He felt that if he didn’t tell his father to go out on the lake with the boat, that his father would not have died.”
Before my daughter could see how Cindy had set this up, she was already engaging.
“But that wasn’t his fault. His father should have had a life jacket right?”
“Yes, absolutely. Because if he did……” Cindy stopped, awaiting a conclusion from Angie.
“….he wouldn’t have had to get so tired trying to stay above the water right?” Angie asked.
“Right Angie. But see, even then there are still so many other things we could sit back and say if this or if that.”
“Like what?”
“Well, couldn’t we also say ‘if the father had the boat inspected, the radio would be working, and therefore he could have called for help much sooner than when a bystander did, and as a result, help could have come much quicker?
