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Author's Note: Good Day All! Thanks so much for the PM's and comments via Email and Myspace pages on the stories. I know this one has been a hard one for many, but so many of you have stuck with it, and I have to applaud your willingness to do so, on a Fic that does not contain Tina as Bette's partner.
I recognize through some private messages, the loss of a partner through means outside of death has been something that some of you can relate to, as you see Bette's life stand still for so long. I am thankful and appreciative of what was shared in terms of your own experience. I hope that somewhere in this story, there is that silver lining called "hope," which will allow you to mend those hearts, and learn to love again. In sharing with those that were affected by "loss," different opinions were shared on finding a new love, another love, and ultimately we ventured down that road where the ideology of a soulmate exists.
As I have shared with some, most of my life, I believed strongly in the theory of a soulmate, as it refers to the traditional and most common definition in terms of one single, romantic love. I defended that idea passionately, and limited my view of that word to a definition which was purely based on that "romantic" love. I had accepted the "common" understanding of the word, in terms of finding that ONE person who can be your lifetime spouse/partner, and have them as the "be all and end all." However, in time, my mind eventually opened to the concept that perhaps referencing a soulmate, wasn't ever intended on being identified as just "romantic," or in terms of one single person. That maybe, it was a kind of injustice, limiting the definition to just one form of love. When I broke free from the "traditional" usage of the word, and opened my mind, heart and soul, I began to see that perhaps the word was not given the diversity it may deserve. I soon started to replace the word "love" with "connection." A "connection" that is made, so deep, that can't easily be understood or explained, and that it can apply to more than one person. Can you still love that person or persons who have that deep connection with you? Certainly, but not JUST in a romantic way as you do your partner.
The connections that I have formed in my life with some people, have become so personal, intimate and unique, that I realized, that what I had begun to embrace not long ago, only solidified my opinion, that the ideology of a single "soulmate" as I had adopted it to be was simply one that is easily embraced and shaped out of sheer romantic will. I say this, because there are a few people, that have integrated themselves into my life in a "non-romantic" way, but who have nevertheless, touched my soul, and quenched an indescribable hunger, that the only way I can possibly understand it, is to accept that love and need, in their purest of forms, co-exist in a chorus which cannot be limited or bound by one single, common definition.
I hope this story, has been able to provide you with that concept, that even when we put a unique and loving relationship away, that it doesn't mean we die with that. We can live if we so choose to. We can discard those single and limited definitions and open our hearts to experiencing the joy of loving and being loved in a variety of diverse forms, up to and including, that romantic love.....as we see Ms. Porter grooming for right now.
It's just my opinion folks, and....I'm sticking to it. * wink *
LOVE, Hugs, and Peace...now onto the personal shoutouts:
Lamentamini: See, even without a whistle from the ref, they listened to you! : - )))))
rsa: Thanks RSA, glad you are enjoying the storyline. Thanks for taking a moment to comment.
tylo: The ABS will be proud, trust me.
Azmama: Thanks for reading and commenting AZmama. I appreciate it.
coop: LOL...yeah, the kids were sleeping a bit when I posted this. No worries, they soon will awaken. Fran is really an unselfish woman who sees so much potential in her relationship with Bette, that she is willing to really hang in there on many levels. Yep, James doesn't mean any harm. He knows in his heart its been 10 years, but at the same time, he feels weird to see another woman actually in Bette's office like that.
Annabel66: Hiya Bell! Thanks for popping in. I am so glad you like this one. It does kind of pull at the heart a bit. Your words mean so much, coming from an incredible author as yourself. Thank you so very much. Yes, no more words are necessary, as you I do know how you feel, as do you. * wink * back at ya, xoxoxo.
patpez: It is definitely better to read a chapter with well rested eyes Pat. You made a video?? Hmmm....care to share what kind of video? LMAOO!!! Sorry couldn't resist. I think Angie will definitely bounce back after some proper therapy. Now that it is out, she and Bette can discuss Tina's life AND now her death openly and honestly, with no secrets between them. I love Fran too.
girl drummer: GD thanks so much for sticking with the story. It's been quite an untraditional storyline, and amazes me that so many have continued to follow this story without Tina even being in it. As it comes to a close soon, I hope that you will be pleased with how it ends.
akalittlered: Hi Little Red! Thanks so much for your commitment to this story. I have said it before, many times, that I have took this journey in writing that would bring the readers down a very untraditional path. Thanks for reading and commenting.
dalloway3: ROFLMAO....yes, you certainly did beat Delicious Shell. She must have been busy greasing her chain...I mean her tractor. ROFLMAO! Perhaps she was lost in the Twilight Zone of U-Tube, and lost time....oh ...see...there's that "time" thing again. * wink* Hey don't ever be embarrassed about the powerpoint, I LOVED it! Hell I have never had someone make me something that was so statistical in terms of my stories. It was fabulous to see that. I may not like math, but I do love analyzing data and patterns. It was amazing to see the data that you provided over two years. You are one highly intelligent woman. Why the hell you hang with us beats me!!! ROFLMAOO....I know Shell would tell me to speak for myself, and so would Ness, but.....just saying. Now....about this Witness Protection Program....ONLY YOU!!!!! *shaking head* Damn I'm surprised you didn't make a U-Tube video of just how Tina changed into Fran. ROFLMAOOOOO Just kidding my friend. Thanks for the laugh over the weekend. This weekend......the fly swatter WILL be purchased. * wink * Course....the entertainment would dwindle, but then again, we always have Ness and Shell. HeeHee.
skehe68: Hey You!!! Oh come on, you enjoyed being "outed" now didn't you? I'm glad you have enjoyed the story. I have truly enjoyed writing this one. I may never understand why, but it was in my thoughts for over a year, and I think finally getting it onto paper really made me proud of where I had taken it, and with the dignity that I felt such a touching and difficult storyline deserved. I know it is sad that it is coming to an end, but hey....all good things must, and at least we will see Bette living again. What a great feeling when that happens. Love and hugs to you my friend, and darn, you really got me all excited with the thought of attending a true Texas hod-down and BBQ. * wink*
TMerlin: I don't think your wish to see Tina re-appear is to strange TMerlin. I had a few ideas as to whether this was all a dream, and have Bette awaken. Hell I could have had Bette awaken in the hospital, from a coma she slipped into because SHE had Angelica, and that all of it was a dream of some type. There were so many ways to take this, but I think that the story as it is, tells of how we can all feel we lose something precious, unique, rare, and feel that when we suffer that, there is no hope. I received a number of messages from people that identified with the story, not so much because of their partner passed away, but because they had recently ended a relationship, which they felt was "the one" for them. They were lost, feeling numb, sad....so many of the same emotions. I believe that taking the story in this direction, ultimately, will be most fitting. Good idea though, and nice try putting a little pressure on. * wink * It's great when you comment in your "funny mood" LOL! Thanks for reading and commenting.
marree: Hi Marree!!!! I laughed at the pictures that were posted. LOL!!! Did Ness and I really have to bend down that far so we were all the same height???? LMAO. I think there was a slight exaggeration in there! HEE HEE. Anyway, can't wait to see ya again....maybe before September! If not, definitely in P-Town.
jomarad: Hey Jo! That sentence was a deep on for sure. "On the other hand, it was out.....and being out lessened the powerful hold that the past held us prisoner to." I think that this line rings true in so many aspects. I think anytime, that you can be honest with yourself, with those in your life with whom you are close to and love, you allow yourself to gain some power back. I felt this in my own past, when I had to make decisions on facing the truth, and deciding to make admissions about what occurred in my life during weak moments. I had that same choice, to bury it, to lie about it. However, I knew that in doing so, it would only hold me prisoner, keep my chained to an action that I was not proud of in the least. That being said, the only way to move forward, and recover your dignity, sense of self respect, honor, and freedom, is to let it all out. Tell the truth, be honest with yourself and others. It is empowering, and there is a sense of euphoria in that release like nothing else. I am happy that you were able to find that sentence so powerful, for even as only one sentence, it certainly held a lot of meaning for several people that I am close with. I love your comments Jo. You always manage to bring forth such an individual view, and it opens my own mind even further, as you lay out your impressions and perceptions. Thanks so much for sharing so much. I think we have that in common. * wink * Oh, btw, I've been called a lot, but "little Italian pizza pie?" LMAOOOO!!!!!!
BeLena: Hey partner! If you are my partner in crime, we better make sure Sky is at least holding onto the funds for bail. LMAOOOOO~! Ness and Shell can't be found because they are riding on Shell's tractor * hmmmmm* Anyway, thank you so much for reading the story, and analyzing it the way you do. Bette is definitely opening herself up to loving again. I think there are a lot of people who were able to identify with losing a love, and not necessarily through death. That being the case, this story provided some hope for those that have felt that in losing what they felt was the "love of their life," that life goes on, and if you open your heart and let yourself be vulnerable to loving again, that all things are possible. Bette may never have found this love, because she didn't put much effort in getting herself back out there. It was through the movement of a friend (Alice), that she found herself engaging with someone again. Once she broke down the first wall, and Fran stepped in......well.....we saw Bette feel again, and what a wonderful feeling that is.
delicious: Oh Delicious Chick, LOL....you have no idea how thrilled both Ness and I are that you are actually coming in September. This past weekend, when I sent you the reading that we both would like you to do, as well as go over all the itinerary, I was excited. Today, when you called and told me you had the time off, you were booking the flight, I was EXTREMELY excited. Later, when we obtained the confirmations on your hotel arrangements, I was beyond thrilled. To have you as part of this day, is so important, and definitely brought to life by something that was so much bigger than any of us. I know in my heart, that life takes us in directions and paths which we are meant to be, and this incredible friendship which was born only 5 months ago, has blossomed into something that I will cherish for a lifetime. You will forever be part of our life, and every time we look back upon our important day, there will be a special someone either taking some of the pics, or in them with us. I can't imagine what its going to be like when we add Wildie to the mix! ROFLMAOOOO. Can you say WILD NIGHTS???? LOL. On to the story my friend, for we will talk in great detail later when we get on the phone. As for your tractor......well.....I have all the faith in those 17 reasons coming this way. * wink * I LOVE how you evaluate each chapter that is written, whether its this story or my other one, you have this obvious love for the written word, and how you analyze the storyline and the emotions of each character, just amazes me in terms of how accurate you are, and how you are able to pull from what I write, just how I intended it to be (even the unwritten parts). You have an intuition with the story and the author that is right on target. I am so psyched up to be co-authoring a situational comedy with you, and have been smiling at some of the ideas we have shared. Thanks for everything Shell. Ness and I both love ya (and we can't forget about Dally * wink*....xoxo
lisa328: Hey Lisa! Great to see you reading and commenting on the story! Hopefully you will be able to catch up with the other chappies so it all makes sense. Make sure Packer packs enough clothes for the trip out here. Someone has to watch after that woman. * hugs *
Probie: Hey you! So glad you had fun in my city! LMAO. I'm thrilled you took me up on my suggestion of that little Italian restaurant. I remember when I first brought Ness to that place. We had a small line to wait in, but once we were seated in that intimate corner, it was a fantastic meal. We have returned a few times since then, and you just can't beat those fine Italian dishes. You got that right, James needs to pull back a bit. I'm sure it was just a little odd for him to see a woman in Bette's office in such a "personal" way if you will. I think we are going to see a very fulfilled relationship once Bette completely surrenders herself to it. Thanks for reading and commenting Probie.
prasnil: Yes, it was uncomfortable for James to see Fran in Bette's office. In as much as he understands, and wants Bette to move on, it was still rather hard for him to see Fran having an intimate moment, even if it had nothing to do with sexual.
B: HEYYYY HONEYBEE!!! : -))) It was great getting that call from you. I was standing in the bookstore picking out a new address book to keep everyones info in one place when you called. I cannot wait to get a pic of little B in that NYPD onsie...along with his Mom of course! So glad you like the story. As you know...I did delay it a bit until you had a successful delivery. I just couldn't bring myself to write it until the little bambino was born. Thanks for EVERYTHING! You're the best hun. xoxox
hope4tb: ROFLMAOo.....hmm..I'm kinda thinking that Fran could not be Tina under the Witness Protection Program. Nice pitch though. *shaking head at you and Dally* Hope are you from Mass? Did you end up going to see the Pops? That would be quite the show! We did have a great 4th, spending it at Fenway during the day, and a lovely evening later. Thanks for reading and commenting.
To all the silent readers, thank you so very much for your loyalty to this story, and my others. * mwah *
Summary: She knew that Bette was taking a significant step towards her, and although she felt like a high school girl with butterflies in her stomach, she also worried a little if Bette's mind was in the proper place with so much going on in recent days surrounding Angie's discovery and all..... Total Views: 1960 times.
Lunch ended earlier than I had been prepared to accept. I was disappointed, and it was clearly showing. “I wish we had another hour. I hate such solid schedules sometimes.” Within seconds of saying it, it was like an epiphany. There was a time that a full and solid schedule was something which filled up that emptiness over the past ten years. Now however, I realized I didn’t want so many fillers anymore. I wanted this type of time, and more moments like them.
“Baby, I assure you, there will be many moments which we can fill in a completely different way.”
As Fran turned away from me to pack the remaining things, I took a brave step forward and placed my hand on her hips. “Thank you so much for today. It helped more than you can imagine, having time to talk to you about everything I am feeling as Angie and I take this on.”
“There is no need to thank me. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I once again leaned in, with what I found was more ease, and kissed her lightly. It wasn’t an overly passionate kiss, but it was more than anything one would consider simple. I was telling her where I lacked in words at times, that I was willing to go further with her, and that time was coming sooner than I had expected.
************************** LATER THAT AFTERNOON
I pulled up in front of Angie’s school. I looked at my watch and realized I had made it in better time than I anticipated. I decided to take full advantage of the additional free time by calling Francesca. As each ring sounded, I felt my anticipation and anxiety about the appointment fade even more, as I knew I would soon hear her sweet voice.
“Hello Darling.”
”How did you know it was me?”
”Oh, it’s you? Bette? I’m sorry I thought it was my other Darling.” Fran joked.
“Ahhh….funny.”
”How are you honey? I was looking at the time and thinking you were probably heading to the school just about now.”
”Actually I’m early. I thought I would call you and….well say hi.” I shifted in my seat, so I could lean against the door of the car.
Fran smiled. Although their relationship was still considered fresh and new, it was so fragile and delicate, so any small steps that Bette made towards her, warmed her heart. The interaction that Bette initiated herself during lunch, gave Fran so much more hope that things were going to be okay with them.
“Well thank you. That means the world to me.”
“Fran….I was hoping maybe you might have dinner with me next weekend….um…Saturday evening.”
”I would love to. Any place in particular you have in mind?”
”I was thinking… my place.” I felt a slight bit of adrenalin cascade through my body when I said it, for I knew in both my heart and my mind, the possibilities that awaited us.
“Okay, your place sounds wonderful. Now is this your own request, or is that lovely daughter of yours putting you up to this?”
”No…no not at all. I am going to see if she can stay with Kit that evening.”
There was a silence on the phone as Fran took in just what Bette was saying. She realized that if Bette was planning on having Angie elsewhere, that there was a very good chance that Saturday might be the time they would actually consummate their relationship in an intimate way.
“Are you there?” I asked, a little alarmed at her failure to offer anything further. “Fran?”
”Yes, yes I’m here. I’m sorry honey, I was a little distracted.”
Fran’s body had gone warm and if there was ever that feeling of “fuzzies” that people so often referenced, she was sure that was exactly the sensation her body was feeling at the moment. She knew that Bette was taking a significant step towards her, and although she felt like a high school girl with butterflies in her stomach, she also worried a little if Bette’s mind was in the proper place with so much going on in recent days surrounding Angie’s discovery and all.
“I just thought it would be nice if you and I had a little time alone. I guess I realized today how much I need that.”
”Honey you don’t have to explain. I would love to have some alone time with you.”
It was very hard for Fran to remain a little more reserved than she would normally find herself. She knew who she was, and when she found something she liked, she usually wasn’t too shy about sharing it outwardly. However, she also realized, that Bette was a different woman, with a different past and that it would require her to be less forward in terms of telling her just what she hoped would come out of Saturday evening.
“Good, then Saturday it is. You can come by around 7pm.”
“Sounds good. I make a wonderful homemade bread. How about I bring that and a bottle of wine?”
“Okay. Hey, if we add a block of cheese we could take an international visit over to Italy.” I couldn’t help but share a joke about the bread and wine Fran offered to bring. There was a lightness about me, that former more humorous and fun part of me that was finding it’s way out of that deep abyss. It was strange, but a thought that passed through my mind, was how a mother must feel as life begins to develop inside her. A seed that slowly expands and fills her until slowly from the depth of her is born a life. My life was re-emerging, and I wasn’t avoiding it anymore. In fact, I didn’t think I could if wanted to.
We spoke a few minutes more before I ended the call when I seen students coming out of the school. I was honestly looking forward to Saturday, and I knew quite well that with Angelica out of the house, the likelihood of Fran spending the night was probably a good one. I was finding myself wanting, yearning, feeling a hunger for satisfaction. I had been keeping all my desires buried for so long, choosing to satisfy the occasional strong urge, through my own variety of methods available to me. However, it was the emotional fulfillment that I had been denying myself for so many years, and finally realized in recent days, that I could no longer ignore or deny.
“Hi Mom,” Angie said as she came into the car, throwing her bag at her feet.
“Hi sweetie. How was school today?”
“It was good. Colleen has detention for answering the teacher back.”
“Lovely,” I said sarcastically. “I’m going to give Auntie Kit a call, see what she is up to on Saturday.”
“Yeah? Are we going to have a cookout?”
“Um….not exactly.” Once again, I felt my face flush, as if my daughter would be able to read my mind. “ I was thinking maybe you might like to spend the night there.”
