Title: ~ No Other Love ~ Chapter 26
Author: Chicki [ Send a Private Message ]
[ View Author Bio ]
Copyright: © 2007 Chicki
Content Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and storyline, and is intended only for authorized viewing on the Lword.com website. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the said author.
Author's Note: Hi Everyone!
We had a great week! Ness and I went to a Red Sox game, and obtained some really great seats. We ended up bringing my Mom, who is a HUGE Sox fan. She had been 52 years ago, when she was 21 years old, with my father. At that time, she wasn't a very big fan, and really had no interest, until about 9 years ago, and then my goodness, she became a significant fan of the Red Sox.
I went out and bought them both T-Shirts for the game (of course I already had my own. * wink *), and we had just the best day! The weather was absolutely gorgeous, and being 4th of July, there were some really moving tributes to the military personnel. Topping it off, was an amazing flyover performed by the Air Force.
Yesterday, we went into Boston, TWO times...LMAO, it's a long story, and although I am certainly capable of providing a long story/comment, I'll save that one for another time, for the details of what happened was ironic, crazy, and funny. Anyway, we met up with a reader/fan from the site (Yes YOU! P), and enjoyed a truly pleasurable time with her. It was a lot of fun to finally put a face with a name, and to talk about a variety of things that kept us all engaged for some time. We joked a lot about my author's notes, and how open and honest I am with sharing so much of myself. Of course, Ness and P had a ton of fun at my expense. BUT....I did have my fair share of chuckles as well, for their poking really made me laugh pretty hard. Hell, I'm finding that I am often poking fun at my own self. I did that just the other day when I was telling a friend how long our vows could have been, if I was allowed to keep writing and writing. LMAO!!!!!
Anyway, I certainly hope you all had an enjoyable 4th of July, and spent it celebrating with friends, family, or even alone in your own way. I certainly find it a time to reflect on all we have in our lives because of the sacrifice and willingness of others to protect our freedoms. The weekend is now upon us, and I am looking forward to taking a day to sit poolside, jump in the sauna, and have a leisure day. The other day...oh who knows, I'll leave that up to the boss lady. LOL!!!!! OoOoOoo did I just say she was boss??? Okay that will soooo go to her head.
Happy Weekend to everyone!
Love, Hugs, and Kisses,
Chicki
dalloway3: LMAOOO...FOUL on Dalloway you spunky gal you. Look what happens when the Teacher goes away, the student comes out and plays. LMAOOOOO. So glad you are enjoying the fic....among other things. * wink * BTW, hey....hey Shell....I'm not tired....nope, not tired. LMAOOO. Gosh that is so embarrassing. ROFLMAO, yes Ness was long winded for sure. I'm jealous she is stealing my claim to fame....or claim to shame, depending on who you ask I guess! Dally, I did read your latest email sweetie, and want to tell you that we can go over the details tonight or this weekend if you like.
Ness: Hey you! Little Aussie-Italian. You were on a little role huh? It is so true when we reflect over the duration of our relationship, to both the highlights and the low points, that there are things that we certainly took for granted. There are moments that of course, it would be nice to erase, but in doing so we both would not be the people we are today. It helps that we both look at life that way, in a way which we understand that our experiences are things that we must go through, in order to learn and grow from. I won't lie here, I'm getting the butterflies a little bit. LOL!! The date is approaching fast, and it just seems so strange to look at life, and how much can really change when you want to put the effort, time, love, and dedication into taking some steps towards making those decisions which sometimes are hard. I hope that everyone who struggles with life, with moments, with decisions, with movement, with uncertainties will find some strength to move in the direction that is best for them. As you know, we have some friends currently evaluating a lot in their lives, and I hope so much, that they find that road. Babe, last night was great. It was so much fun to meet up with Sherbie last night eh? Yeah, new nick for her. LOL! Hun, thank you so much for your heartfelt comment. You are a good woman, who deserves all the best that life has to offer her. I hope that I will always bring smiles to your face, laughter in your voice, and love in your heart. I love you Vanessa. I liked your quote...looks familiar. :- )))) Love Karen.
Braz: Hey Brazzzz! Got another on coming back your way soon. I'm thinking this weekend at some point okay? I can see how much fun you are having. It's wonderful to see your enthusiasm. I''ll be sending along some pictures soon. You certainly sensed that Bette is trying to "FIT" into a mold of what she perceives that Tina needs and is looking for. Not good, it NEVER works. Bette and Tina both just need to be themselves, who they are. If they have a love that is one for the other just as they are, then they will find their way back to one another. I enjoyed your LENGTHY comment. * wink * Guess you are like me, in that you have that inability to condense and lessen. Thanks for reading and commenting, and we'll be in touch soon.
AngelDana: Awww how did I know you would like that scene huh? Maybe something in your username. LOL! Hmmm...just a "not bad" on the car scene huh??? Well you just wait missy, I'll smoke that monitor of yours, and you'll be ranting and raving, trying to send me the bill. I am definitely trying to craft this young version of B&T in a way which mich be a prequel to what we see them as on the show as adults. LMAO...yeah, the Shrek skit was a lot of fun to write. Hee Hee.
BeJacks: BJ, you are not alone in that the story has stirred quite a bit of emotions. However, I think as it goes along, we might actually see life throw a few curve balls, which MAY end up being in Bette and Tina's favor. Let's hope huh? Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.
OneStorm1:Yep, you pretty much said it all. She loves Bette for sure, but because of what happened in her past, she needs to sort out some questions, some curiosity, and some things before she takes the step whole heartedly to commit and be with her. Long distance is a HUGE struggle. There are not too many that survive it, and those that really do, you have to believe have something incredibly strong and special. Hope your new job is going well. When will you be back in school??? I can't believe how quickly its creeping up! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Lamentamini: ROFLMAOOOOOO Oh god Lament, the whole Shrek thing caused some chuckles from a few for sure. Bette definitely was feeling a bit detached, not to mention, she also is trying to fill a role that she created in her own head, as to what Tina may be desiring. That is...someone who is a little more aggressive, dominant, etc. Not to mention.....just wait till she sees what Bette buys at the Toy Store. Just saying......
mette Hartmann: Hi Mette, I sure hope I don't disappoint you in writing this story. I can see how close to life it is for you. I think that both of the girls are truly not setting out to hurt each other. I do agree, that when you love someone, you certainly end up tolerating a lot because of that love. You feel desperate and helpless and hopeless at times. I agree totally, that this is what is happening, because of that love. I can see that you yourself found that it was so hard to walk away when you find yourself in a situation, that although isn't ideal, is what it is. I'm marveled at the ability you have to see that what Bette did was just that. It was fucking Tina in a way that would show a more dominant, more masculine side. Just wait till she comes up with the idea to hit the toy store. Oh yeah, you know this young Bette is going to do a lot of thinking here. Thanks for reading and commenting.
patpez: Hi Pat! I know alllll about Shrek3. LOL!! Nessie dragged me off to it, and I did get through it, but towards the end, my ADHD kicked in, and I was SOOOO fidgety! LOL. Poor Ness was looking over at me, and I was shrugging and trying to show "some" interest. LOL! Pat, I agree, that the love between B&T is immeasurable. It is deep, solid, and just as real and moving as it can be, it also causes some upset as well. Love can do that. It isn't always put into this neat package where "all is fine." Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
yahtzeeguru: LOL you have your own handheld eh? Damn woman, that could be taken in so many different ways! LOL. Anywayyyyyyy, before Chick has to take herself to the dog house, I am happy that you are liking the story. It has its moments for sure, but I'm happy to see you are finding it rather captivating. Thanks for reading and commenting!
caitlin-jayne: Hey you, glad you liked that. I told you, when I say I'm gonna do something, I do it. Anyway, I am pleased you are enjoying the story, with the struggles and all. It sure does evoke a variety of emotions, and has seemed to be one of those that draws a lot from different people and how or who they identify with. Thanks for your loyalty to consistently reading. Many hugs...talk to you soon.
delicious: LMAOOO...you know, SO much happens between us, that when I look back at your comment, I have to chuckle cause it seems so damn old. I'm glad the tractor is working well, and yes, I do think it would be a lovely gesture to offer Dally a ride on it. * wink * Just be sure that you maintain that thing, because it would be nice if you could get many more years out of it. Like...maybe a century or so??? LMAO!!!!! OooOo I sense a little competition here for the "teacher's pet" slot. Hmmm.....quite interesting if you ask me. LOL! Are you being a little territorial my little Shelly Belly? Don't you be peeing on me or anything. LOL!!!! ** THUD ** You and your Pom Poms have just um....well gosh I don't know how to put it, so I'll talk to you later about it. * blushing* Hmm I see you are jumping up and down eh? LOL! I'm just kind of visualizing that whole Pom Pom line as you are doing so. Just bad.....grab me by the scruff and drag me off to the doghouse. LMAO! Damn girl, you're copping a feel in front of NessiePoo??? EEEK that is taking a chance now isn't it? Well...then again, cause it's you perhaps she will just turn the cheek and wait for her own. ROFLMAOOO...had a great discussion with a new friend about you. I'm glad you are enjoying the story, as complex as the storyline may be. It never ceases to amaze me, your loyalty and honesty in what you read, and your point of view. I enjoy our conversations about these stories, as well as the one we are starting now, together. You're the best babe, and we will talk on the weekend and firm up some things for September. Be prepared to read hun. It will be such an honor. I love ya and talk to you on my way home. OOXOXOXXX
AnneSoTina: ROFLMAOOOO oh gosh, are you going to provide that NC17 comment to the author? Huh? Huh? LMAO...just love those "OMG's" girl. Don't you worry about that TiBette heart. These girls are young, and what they are experiencing now, is a typical young, teenager love fest and battle. Their hormones are raging, they think sex is the only way to reconnect and find their way to one another. I think we might see this B&T going down a road of friendship, and not truly realizing what they have missed in one another until......yep...until things happen in the future when they happen upon each other. Thanks a bunch for reading and for commenting.
wildtouch: Hey Wild One! I agree, after being with Bette and having Bette love her in the way that she has, it would have to be a little hard to just resign ones self to being with a man. BUT....if Tina is bisexual, then she does have that ability to be attracted to both sexes. LMAO...hey you can rape my page any day babe. You know that without a doubt. I love ya too sweetieeeeeeeee.....mwwaaahhhhhhh. Talk to you sooner than later. * wink *
Probie: Oh you, what can I say huh? We had a fabulous time with you at the hotel. Oh boy, that just sounded wrong huh? LMAO!!!!!! Anyway, it was a joy and pleasure to meet you and share some drinks and laughs. It's quite funny to meet up with people that end up knowing so much about me, cause well...we all know I don't have any fly's on me and I do share a lot of who I am with my readers. I have to tell you, I thoroughly enjoy your comments, as they are quite insightful, and you really have a hold on the story. I think your insight, on many levels, is quite valuable. You have made a lot of going points...both here and other places as well. Hope you got more sleep than we did!!!! LMAOOOOOO. Many hugs, and hey....remember when they try to put one of those snack plates in front of you...DON'T PICK THE GREEN ONES!!!! LMAOOOOO. Yuck! TTYS.
Ann Ticipation: Hi Ann. Thanks for the comment. ROFLMAO, yeah I kind of was the one who was dragged to see Shrek. However, I realize that I have probably dragged Ness to see a few movies she didn't particularly care for....sooooo...all about compromise. LOL! I enjoyed writing the Danish part, and as you said, although it was short, I had a lovely time creating it. A comedy is in the works with my friend, and we have completed chapter one. We are going to write it all I guess, then start posting it. I hope you will take a look at it when we start to post. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
Keisha: ROFLMAO at the NessPoodles and ChickaPoodles reference. LMAO!!! See now, I saw myself as more of a Retriever, and Nessie...wellllll she could be BichonPoo I guess. LOL!!!!! I think Bette was definitely trying to prove a point. I think she was trying to bring on a more aggressive and dominant side thinking that was what Tina might be looking for. I hope you liked the old Chess collaboration, we were listening to you and several others who have been asking for an update. See, we DO listen .....sometimes. LOL! Glad you got a chuckle out of the old Shrek reference. LOL! I had a lot of fun writing that for sure.
Rau: Hello there. Thanks for checking in and reading. I know you get worried with this one, but have a little faith that after the storm, there is some sunshine coming. It's just...well this storm might linger for a while.
CoffeexStained: ROFLMAOOOOO but of course luv. Who wouldn't feel for Mr. P right? Hee Hee. It's good to see you are feeling in the "middle" with who you should feel for the most. I guess it means my attempt at balancing the views and position of both our girls is coming across as just that...leaving people in the middle. LOL!!! Hey you, no wriggling those eyebrows. LOL!!! Thanks for reading Coff, and for commenting as well. When is your next installment being posted huh? No holding out on us now.
jp22: Hey JP, thanks for reading and commenting. This is definitely a roller coaster for a story, and emotions. Its tugging at a few heartstrings for sure. I hope to continue to provide some thrilling installments.
Tylo: Tam, you know...it is ALLLLL about the ABS. LMAO! I am glad you thought that was hot.
AmandaMG: LOL! I agree about the Shrek movies. Ness dragged me to this latest one. I figured I had to go cause I am sure she went to ones I liked and she may not have enjoyed very much. I don't want to be killing you! Did you get my IM ?? Are you going to attend???? Get in touch with me, you have my number still I hope. LOL!!!
techgal: OooO now see I never thought of this series linking as a "PRE-quel" to the Trust Trilogy series. Hmmm.....very neat idea to be honest. They sure would have found that roller coaster ride early on now wouldn't they have? Thanks for reading and commenting Techgal. Like your insight and idea.
brighteyez07: Ohhhh I don't think that Bette is going to like this at all. It won't sit too well for sure. Guess you will see just what happens in this chappy here. Hope you like!
Bettefortina: I don't think that either one of them is willing to really look close at what is happening. Tina does want to have a little rope there to explore, but still hold onto Bette. It's hard to understand, but I think in the confused state she is in, she isn't doing it to be malicious or anything. OoOoo Bette doesn't know about Tina's party. This should be good eh?
StormyOne: Hey Stormy, we are in Central Mass. Going up to Ogunquit eh? It's absolutely lovely up there. Ever stay at the Cliff House Hotel on Bald Cliff? It's a stunning oceanfront hotel. A little pricey but SOOOO worth it. Now as for our Tina, I would like to think she isn't stringing Bette along, wanting the best of both worlds. I guess it can be perceived that way if she is holding onto Bette, while at the same time willing to explore something outside of she and Bette.
pattifloatn: Bette's love for Tina is so very deep, I totally agree. I think Tina's love is just as deep, but she is trying so hard to figure things out with her life, and it is occurring at a time when changes are automatically occurring in terms of school as well. I think this yo-yo feeling/relationship is going to cause both of them some harm. Thanks for reading and commenting.
packer: Hello sweetie. Ya think I'm on fire huh? Well then, I guess you should hose me down.!!! ROFLMAOO...gosh that was just wrong. Okay, so I am happy you are seeing part of life's painful lessons in this, but don't worry, there is a process these young ones are going through, and as life takes them into adulthood, we will see changes occurring for both of them. LOL@ the Lesbian Jedi reference. It's just wrong...soooooo wrong. Where's my cape eh? ;-)))
ZLFan: Hey you! Thanks for commenting. Now come on you, what do you mean relationships "most times" suck? I think they can be a wonderful experience. Sure, everyone has some bumps in the road, and the relationship can be tested, cause hell no relationship is ever "perfect." BUT...BUT BUT BUT, I do believe deeply in them, and that a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship is possible if you learn from the past, take your time with the present, and prepare for the future. Never give up hope my friend....ever. Bette is struggling with a lot of things right now, and she certainly isn't willing to walk away so easily. Guess that's love babe.
staceyharbarger: Stacey, your comment made me chuckle, when you said you never get what you want in terms of a story. Never say never...okay? Thanks for reading and commenting, it means so much.
ecstasythrumusic: HEY ECS!!!! : - )))) Thanks for reading and commenting. This isn't the most easiest of stories to read, but I know that there is something in it for everyone. Thanks again hun. * hugs *
Annabel66: LMAO..hey you...get up off the floor and breathe! LMAO....Ruff Ruff huh? Hmmm....are you getting down to my dog level now? LOL. I wore you out eh? Hee Hee...shhhhh....rumors could be started you know. * wink * I laughed at you coming back in to check on your Shrek comment. HEE HEE!!!! I totally agree that this is a time of discovery for Tina. I'm trying hard to show both sides of their feelings....BUT...EEEK, I don't know if I am doing such a good job cause Tina seems to be taken quite the beaten. Can I just tell you, that I loved your comment. It was so profound, and you just hit it right on the bullseye. The last part was very very touching to say the least, and you bet, I won't be one to apologize for showing my feelings, sharing experiences, or for speaking the truth. I will however do so, when I know I am responsible for something. If I overreacted, jumped too soon, learned I errored in some way. Thanks for being you Bell. You're a wonderful woman. ** Hugs **
nic1976: LOL! You got a lot to say huh? I can relate to that totally. I do agree we see so many different sets of emotions, between the emotion of need, feeling desperate, wanting, neglecting, feeding our curiosity, etc. I'm glad you like the story, and hope I continue to provide you with pleasure.
jomarad: Hey JO!!!!! How are you my friend? Oh gosh, another horndog skipping the whole Danish part and just skimming over to the B&T lovefest. LMAOO!! Hey you aren't alone, a lot of the gals didn't collect $200 before going to Jail. LOL! It's very true that it doesn't work if you lose a part of yourself. Unfortunately, we see their level of maturity (or lack thereof) in how they are both handling this. It certainly is frustrating, as adults to see this happening, but it is what it is at that age eh? I'm happy that I can provide both entertainment in my writing, as well as the ability to move you to really reflect. Thanks so much for sharing all you have, and your support. It means so very much. LMAOO...good to know you'll never skip the author's notes. I've come to learn, they seem to be held close the heart of some. ROFLMAOOO at the whole Shrek commoent. Thanks Jo, for everything.
akalittlered: Heya Red. What a wonderful quote that was, and I thank you for sharing that. I think there's a lot of truth in it. I'm so glad you enjoyed the car sex. * blushing* ..... NOT. LMAO! Hope you like this next installment.
coop: Hey Coop! Yep, they sure took a chance in that car parking lot. OooOOo so you got nabbed once eh? HEE HEE...now that is too damn funny. Ness and I almost got caught the other day...let me tell you, I think my blood pressure hit the roof! I felt like my face was red. Bette does need to be careful in how she handles her emotions. She certainly is young, and therefore will likely act in a way that isn't always the most appropriate. I think these girls have something special, and so I have to admit, that I will be careful as to how I unravel their future for you all to read. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Lgirl87: Hey you! I'm glad you liked that detail. Shell referenced the intimate details of just turning the key backwards, so that the radio could be listened too. I guess I get a little anal about putting in some of the most intimate of details, but it does seem to be appreciated at the parts they are included. You want a Bettemobile ??? LMAOOOO hee hee, well....we can probably arrange that. Let's talk. LOL @ "the Mrs." * shaking head"
hope4tb: Hey Hope! I sure "HOPE" you are feeling better from when you were under the weather. Hmmm...I'm not going to say too much about that dream sequence...HEE HEE. One never knows right?
Suejan: Thank you SJ, I am glad that you have enjoyed the story so far. It's a bit of a conflicted one, and one of a bit of a journey for sure. I have a comedy coming up soon that I am co-writing with a friend, so I hope you will take a peek at that when you can. It won't be posted for a few weeks. Thanks again!
luvus: Hey Luvtoys...how are you? HEE HEE. I'm doing great. How is the weather down there eh? HOT HOT HOT? I think it was the weather that got you more than the chapter sweetie. So glad you are enjoying it, and thanks for all your support.
lisa328: Jomarad is just so wise ain't she??? Ohhh Lisa, you dog you, reading that NC17 smutt before you really read the chappy. ROFLMAOOOOO. Too funny. Who'd a thunk huh? : - ))))
foxysox : ROFLMAO OMG, were you reading this chapter when you were drunk??? EEEK! You had me cracking up so much with that comment. Hmm...the Nemo idea would have been pretty damn funny. Thanks for reading and making me smile.
Anngie Mosby: Gosh you really nailed it there girl. Bette LOVES Tina period. The love that Tina has for Bette I do think is there for sure, but it is clouded a bit by confusion. However, I can understand your position completely, that it does look like if Tina does love Bette completely, then the rest of it is just fluff. Make the decision to be committed to her and not be looking for something else that might be better for you. I know that many readers think Tina is being selfish, and I'm not quite sure that was the intention, but I can see where that could be drawn from for sure. Awww AM, you need to go get someone to spoon with honey. It's the BEST! ** wink **
Love and Hugs,
Chicki
PS: * waving to the silent readers * Hi everyone. Thanks for reading and sticking with this rather tough storyline. It's greatly appreciated.
Summary: Tina felt reserved, tentative. She knew her friends weren't going to embrace her inability to either commit fully to Bette, or leave her completely. They were not going to be receptive of this swinging back and forth......
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~ No Other Love ~ Chapter 26 by Chicki
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CHAPTER 26 Previously… “Baby, I have never lost that pleasure with you. Don’t ever think that any of this is about my losing something or needing something different. It isn’t……I don’t want you to feel that.” Bette wanted to believe that was true. She wanted to believe that it wasn’t so much what she couldn’t offer Tina, but more of what Tina needed to learn for herself. It was hard to convince herself completely of that, no matter how hard she wanted to. “Bette……I love you, and I love what we shared tonight.” “Good…..just don’t forget it okay? Don’t forget that you ‘can’ be fulfilled by a woman.” Tina wasn’t sure Bette would ever be able to fully understand what this journey was for her. At this point, she was hoping that she would just be able to understand even a fourth of it. “I have never had any complaints. Honest…fingers crossed,” Tina said gently. “I need to go before my parents begin to get too curious. Will you be online later?” “Yeah.” “I’ll catch you online.” Tina got out of the car and walked back towards her home, as Bette remained in that one spot watching her in her mirror until she was completely out of sight. **************
LATER Bette pulled the screen door open and went into the kitchen where she grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, before she proceeded to her room. “Honey, your father left some papers for you to sign for Stanford on the kitchen counter. Make sure you sign them before you leave for school in the morning.” Bette’s mother said as Bette passed through the living room. “Okay.” Bette proceeded upstairs to her bedroom. The air was comfortable on this evening, and she was glad she had left the window up so that the fresh air would fill her room. She looked at her laptop which she had left on the bed. There was a Yahoo Messenger window up, with an instant message displayed.
AL: u there?
AL: I’m worried about u. I know Tina was suppose to meet u and tell u AL: Bette??????? AL: look, I know this is hard, but she was thinking of u and what was best for u both AL: this is the time u need 2 let ur friends in AL: why aren’t you answering your cell? Bette looked down at her cell phone, it was on silent. She hadn’t realized that she had somehow changed the ring setting. She looked back at the screen. AL: there isn’t one easy thing about breaking up. Just look at it that u both can be friends now. I don’t think it was an easy decision for her AL: anyway, I’m gonna check on Tina 2, & see how she is holding up. U will both get thru this. Who knows, maybe some day, in another time, u will both be a couple again. AL: call me xoxo Bette stood before the screen and stared at it, the light illuminating the room around her while she tried to absorb the words. She didn’t understand it completely, for there seemed to be a lot of things missing, but she sure got the gist of it. Tina’s intentions on this night, was to break up with her, and not……not what they had ultimately engaged in. Bette was hurt, angry, and felt used. She ran to the bathroom and quickly ripped her clothes off her body. She started the shower and wasted no time getting in there and scrubbing her skin. She wanted no part of her, nothing. They hadn’t made love….at least in her mind it wasn’t making love on Tina’s end. No one could be making love who was just there to break your heart. Bette took hold of the pouf sponge and continued to wash her body in a frenzied way, hoping to remove the feelings, the emotions, the residual affects. However hard she scrubbed, she would never be able to wash this woman from her heart, and before long, she allowed her legs to crumble, and she kneeled in the bathtub as the water continued to spray down on her. Her tears merged with the shower water. The drain unable to differentiate between the two, as the liquid circled its way down the hole. ***************
TINA’S Upon arriving home, Tina had gone to her room and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. She was in a total state of post orgasm bliss, feeling so very close to Bette at this time. As close as she was feeling, though, her thoughts returned to the many therapy appointments she had with Holly over the past several weeks. She was so confused as to what she wanted, and how she would eventually get there. She was finding such limited pressure when she navigated towards her male friends. There was an ease she felt with them. Boys were less emotional than girls. They didn’t appear as needy, as interested in the gossip, the competition that existed, or the minute details that sometimes felt overbearing with girls. There was such a laid back attitude with most of them, and she just wondered about how much more easier life would be if she could just go in that direction. On the other hand, the see-saw of emotions she felt she was on, would soon return her to thoughts of Bette. How she felt so loved, desired, craved, the center of someone’s world. She liked the attention that Bette gave her, and wasn’t sure if a man would offer that same level of attentiveness. Her thoughts were interrupted by her cell phone ringing. Reaching into her pocket, Tina pulled the phone out and flipped it open. “Hello.” “Hey Tee.” “Hi Al.” “How did it go?” Tina felt reserved, tentative. She knew her friends weren’t going to embrace her inability to either commit fully to Bette, or leave her completely. They were not going to be receptive of this swinging back and forth. “Um……well……it……” Alice didn’t wait for her to answer. “Is Bette okay? Are you okay?” “…..Al….I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t break up with Bette.” “What?!” Alice was alarmed. Her thoughts immediately went back to what she had said in the IM to Bette. She went to her computer to see if she kept a history of it. “Shit! Shit-Shit-Shit!” “I’m sorry……I just…..I was in the car, it was just us….we were alone….the attraction was there…..we ended up having sex instead.” “FUCK!” Alice yelled.
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