ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Chapter 31

It was almost midnight when Tina pushed herself up from the sofa where she had sat for over two hours. She couldn’t believe how low she felt after the high of the honeymoon period with Bette. She hated that bastard Ollie but she also couldn’t deny that she had once lunged at him with a knife in her hand - and she hadn’t told Bette. How could she? Bette was so calm and totally at peace with herself and the world around her despite the sense that she had endured intense pain. Tina didn’t want to risk her future because of her past.

She briefly relived the events after Ollie’s smug revelation. Bette had come as close as she had ever seen to losing control with her ex. Once he had gone back to the party - no doubt thrilled that he had inflicted harm on her new relationship Bette had gone to comfort Tina - except Tina couldn’t accept Bette’s concern -she had asked her to leave her alone.

Bette had pleaded to be allowed to comfort her but every fresh attempt met with a new rebuff from Tina. Tina just wanted to be alone - she was too ashamed to face her friends, her beloved daughters or her lover. She had gone to her room and had lain on her bed listening to the screams of delight of the kids that had finally died down. She had fallen asleep for over an hour or so because when she woke up it was getting dark outside and the silence was total.

Going downstairs she discovered everything had been washed, cleaned and put away -the bouncy castle still swayed in the half light outside. There was a note from Bette beside a single lit candle placed on the kitchen table. Mo woke up from his basket beside the fridge and came across to greet her

Tina rubbed her eyes -she felt tired but couldn’t stop replaying the whole mess again and again. The look of smugness in Ollie’s face when he realised that Tina hadn’t told this secret to Bette, her own sense of horror when she saw how it looked to Bette and how he had left the room full of self satisfaction that he damaged them. What was worse was that she had let him win - she had pushed Bette away. But then again - he knew her well enough to know that it was what she did when she was upset.

Aware that she was hungry as well as tired and thirsty Tina made herself a ham sandwich and took a bottle of water outside to enjoy the cool night air. Mo collapsed at her feet hoping for the odd piece of sandwich to come in his direction. Bette’s house was in darkness, Tina could only speculate as to the damage she had inflicted on her relationship with her.

After an hour she saw a light go on in Bette’s and a few minutes later the patio door was pushed open and Tina saw Bette’s silhouette. She didn’t move for several seconds just watching Bette standing in silence. Then a movement

“Hey Mo where did you come from boy?” Tina heard Bette speak as she bent down.

“I left you guarding Tina - how the heck did you get out - come on - lets see if everything is alright “

Bette briefly disappeared to put an exterior light on - in seconds the night was lit by a single light. Tina sat waiting to be discovered - Mo dragged Bette through the open gate between the two properties.

“Hi “Tina said

Bette was obviously startled “Hell Tina - are you okay?”

“Yeah - want to sit with me?”

“Do you want me to? “

Tina looked up “Please - are the boys okay? “

“Yes - exhausted. Lara is in so I know they are safe “

“I know how they feel “

Bette sat on the steps beside Tina and they sat in silence for several minutes.

“Thank you for everything you did for me “

“I wanted to do a lot more but you wouldn’t let me “

Tina knew that she had never hurt Bette as much as she had over this.

“I feel ashamed about what I was like during that period. I have tried so hard to rebuild my life and myself. “

“You made it seem to that piece of shit like he had scored a great victory “

“I know - he knows how I react -he knows that I would push you away. I am sorry “

“I wanted to punch his lights out “

“I know that feeling “

“If its any help Paul apologised for Ollie’s conduct - he was angry with him. What crawled up his ass and died?”

“He wanted to stay married to me - I was the one who wouldn’t agree to it “

“What did he want - an open marriage?”

“I didn’t get into discussing the finer points of his plan with him - “

“Did you stab him? “

“It wasn’t as bad as he made it sound. Yes I was drunk - which I shouldn’t have done when I was taking anti depressants. I spent about six weeks totally out of my head most of the time - but I pulled myself together. I got sick of myself - fed up with feeling that my life was so wrong - that was because of my sexuality. Bette - I don’t have a coherent explanation for how I was back then “

“And Hannah’s birthday brought it all back? “

“Yeah - it takes me back and its bad “

“You stabbed him? “

Tina rubbed her face “I lunged at him - he was telling me how the only chance I ever had to be fucked again was if he deemed to do it now and again. I believed him Bette - because I did not have the strength to tell him to fuck off. I was so weak “

“Did he prosecute you? “

“No - because if he had he would have lost face with his job - he’s 6ft 2 - I’m 5ft 5 - he didn’t want to make it public “

“If he’s drawn you as a drunk mad woman you could have lost the girls “

“He threatened me with a few times but I think that Paul slapped him upside the head - told him that they would always be better off with me. I pulled myself together - stopped drinking and weaned myself off the anti-depressants - it was a hard time because the only people on my side were Shane and Dana and Jodie really. Shane was so solid for me Bette - she stayed with me night after night. I know Shane has this reputation for always being out in clubs pulling women but for weeks she stayed with me all the time and got me through a time of my life that I can barely bare to talk about let alone re-live. “

“When was all of this? “

“I was still depressed and drinking too much this time last year “

“It brings everything back? “

“It does “

Bette took hold of Tina’s hand and held it to her breast.

“All you had to do was tell me - all you had to do was tell me how hard you were going to find today “

“I thought it would be alright -- at first when the bouncy castle looked like I couldn’t get it but you pulled it off for me and I began to feel that it would be alright “

“How did you stab him?”

“He had walked out and I was just a sobbing mess. Shane and Jodie had the girls. I was drinking - he showed up and well - you saw how obnoxious he can be. I was trying to make myself a sandwich - I don’t really remember - he hurt me - said something and I just turned to say something to him but he was closer than I thought and that’s when it happened “

“How did it not get picked up at the hospital ?”

“Paul is a surgeon remember - he stitched him up -all illegal but it suited me “

Bette was still hurting at the whole incident but she saw that her pain was nothing compared to how Tina was suffering. She moved closer and put a supportive arm around her shoulder

“I just wish you had told me “

“I know - I’m sorry “Tina began to cry - Bette put both her arms around her and hugged her tighter. “I don’t want to lose you but I understand “

“Hey - enough of that - of course you are not going to lose me - its going to be alright”

“I would never forgive myself “Tina began

“Tina - it’s alright. I just - well I guess I just was hurt that you didn’t lean on me. I want you to be able to turn to me for anything that you need “

“And you think that I only turn to you for getting me bouncy castles ? “

Bette laughed “Come on “

She stood up and after they made sure the patio door was locked Bette took hold of Tina’s hand and they walked to Bette’s house and went upstairs.

Tina smiled at the sight of Bette’s room - the duvet was thrown back. Tina loved the fact that Bette always had about half a dozen books on her bedside table at any one time - her glasses were resting on the top of the pile.

Tina had slept with Bette in this bed several times - the boys loved her being at their house and she always felt welcome and loved. She needed that feeling of being loved at that moment - she needed to know that Bette still loved her.

Bette could sense Tina’s vulnerability - she knew the blonde well enough to recognise how bad she was feeling over what had happened earlier. She casually pulled her sweater over her head and shook her hair free -she was naked underneath. Tina watched as Bette slipped her trousers off and stood naked in front of her lover.

“What am I going to do with you? “ Bette said smiling

Tina didn’t reply - just standing taking in Bette’s beauty

“I don’t know “

Bette covered the distance between them with a single step and took the slightly shorter woman in her arms and pulled her into a hug. Tina let a long moan of pleasure just to feel the bare skin of the beautiful woman she was so utterly in love with. She held onto her until Bette lifted her head with her finger. They kissed gently - Tina moving her face so their noses didn’t clash. Bette’s hands pulled Tina’s shirt out of her trousers and stroked the soft skin of her back. Tina muttered something as the kiss deepened and their tongues began to dance together. When the kiss ended Tina looked up and saw the love in her partner’s eyes

“We are a couple T - we share the good and the bad - please let me in “

Tina smiled “I just reverted to how I was a few months ago - scared and sure that I was never going to find a lover “

“You think that I don’t understand that?”

“I know that you understand “

Bette pulled Tina’s shirt up and eased it over her head. Tina easily slipped out of her sneakers and jeans and cast them into a corner. Bette regarded her with a long appreciative gaze - she reached out her fingers and pressed them into the sides of Tina’s bra - pressing deep into the soft, yielding skin. Tina watched as Bette reached behind her and unhooked the two clasps that held her bra in place. Bette eased the straps down and cast it aside so she could feast her eyes on Tina’s full and milky white breasts. Tina was always taken aback by the smouldering intensity in her partners eyes when they were beginning their foreplay. Bette kissed her again - holding onto her face and pressing her tongue roughly into Tina’s mouth again. Tina pushed Bette backwards and they fell onto the bed. Tina immediately straddled Bette pressing her mouth down so she was in control of the kiss. Bette’s hands found Tina’s newly exposed breasts and stroked a nipple with the tip of her finger.