She rested in my arms, exasperated.  Spent after all the emotions.  I drifted off to sleep, holding her in my arms.  As she cried on my shoulder. 

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Bette awoke startled.  She reached across the bed as she had done so many nights, but just like that fateful night, and all the others in between, she was alone.  Tina was gone.  And she had pushed her away. 

She sat up in bed and wiped away the usual tears that came when she had this vivid nightmare of the night she lost the love of her life.

She got out of bed and pulled on her robe, making her way out to the patio where just hours ago, she and Tina had shared their conversation.  The wine bottle remained on the table between the loungers.  Bette picked up the bottle and took a swig from it as she sat on the lounger….

How could I have done that?  I know that we have forgiven each other, and I know that she is a saint for forgiving me.  I did such a bad thing, but I could see it in her eyes.  She truly has forgiven me.  How could she be so fantastic. 

God, I still love that woman.  But, NO BETTE!! You can’t go there.  You already hurt her enough to last a lifetime.  You can’t even think of her in those terms.  Certainly she would never call you her beloved anymore.  She is just being civil.  She is being the Tina that I knew and loved.  She is kind to everyone.  She is just being courteous. 

But, she did kiss me.  God, her lips are so soft.  So tender.  I had forgotten how she tastes, how her lips felt against mine. 

Dinner was brilliant.  It was amazing to share food and laugh with her and Lizzy.  I know that Chrissy enjoyed it immensely.  I know she has always felt cheated.  Dinners with me and Jane are fun but it is not a family.  She deserves so much more than I have given her. 

At least if I can’t give her a family, I know now that she has Lizzy and that they finally have some semblance of a family that they have dreamed about.  I would love nothing more than to have Tina as my own again.  But, I won’t do that to her.  I won’t go after her.  She deserves so much more than me.

Bette sat on the lounger, finishing up the bottle of wine and thinking of the wonderful day she had, trying to push away all thoughts of her terrible nightmare of what used to be her reality. 

After finishing up the bottle, Bette returned to bed, slipping under the sheets, the wine relaxing her, lolling her off into sleep.  Hoping that she would not have any more nightmares, hoping that she would just be able to enjoy life, and the promise of the impending Sunday brunch with the girls.  Speculating about how they would react to seeing Tina again, and to realizing that they have another beautiful niece.  As she slipped back into sleep Bette thought… God, they are going to love her…both of them…

TBC…