“Good.” Angie put the backpack on and started for the door. “I need to go so I don’t miss my bus.”

“Um….are you forgetting something?”

My daughter turned back towards me and gave me a warm hug before heading back towards the door. “Don’t forget, I’m picking you up so don’t get on the bus today.”

“I won’t.”

I watched Angie run down the stairs and pat Grace before heading to the end of the driveway where two of the other kids had already gathered, awaiting the bus. I wished so much for the ability to read her mind, to understand every little change in her tone, her appearance, expression and body language. I was afraid I would miss something so very important in terms of how she may have changed, knowing now the truth of her mother’s death. I wondered how long I would now carry that worried, troubled feeling of not knowing where my daughter was emotionally. Not knowing what the triggers were going to be as we progressed into the future. On one hand it was so much easier when this secret had remained buried with the body of my beloved wife, and all I had to relish in was my own throbbing pain that came with loss. On the other hand, it was out…..and being out lessened the powerful hold that the past held us prisoner to.

********
LATER

I arrived at the CAC later than usual. Many thoughts kept me company along the way to work on this morning. I had been thinking quite a bit about Angie, and hoped that the email I had taken the time to send to Cindy, had provided enough detail to help her this afternoon. I was feeling a little tense, hesitant. I was worried for my daughter. I didn’t want her to be exposed to all this pain and guilt at this young age, and if I found one day that I must, I had hoped it was at a much older age than that of ten.

As I pulled into the space, I removed my sunglasses to reveal eyes that had aged over the past ten years. I use to wonder how Tina would have looked, aging along side me. I guess with each new line that adorned my face, it was a further testament that she would remain youthful for eternity. We use to dream of growing old, and joke about who would be the first to wear those god awful paper diapers. What had been denied her, was the aging process that time could prove so unforgiving, and I wasn’t sure whether I was grateful or not that she avoided that harsh part of reality.

Just as I started out of the car, I heard a car horn and familiar voice.

“Porter….hey!”

“Hi Alice.”

“How is Angie doing?”

“Well…….we have had a few moments. Remember the homework she was suppose to have turned in?”

“Yeah”

“She didn’t. I received a call from her teacher. A very long story short, we talked about it, and the three of us ended up watching a few home video’s last night.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s great Bette. Which one did you show? Was I there? I hope you didn’t show the one when my perm went bad.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Typical of Alice wanting me to only show the video’s which she had great hair days.

“You have nothing to worry about. I showed her the trip we went on when we stayed in that log cabin.”

“OoOoOo…good. I was looking hot then. “

“Al, I doubt my daughter was evaluating how hot you looked.”

“Yeah…right. So she was okay? I mean with seeing Tina and all?”

“Yes. She was good. Actually, last night was bittersweet. I could see the wonder in her eyes as Tina’s beauty graced the screen.”

Alice could see how deeply taken Bette was by Tina’s memory. She wasn’t sure that anyone in this world would ever replace the bond they shared.

“….last night before bed, she just seemed to want Tina so much. The yearn was there Alice. It was in her voice, her eyes. I felt so helpless for her.”

“I’m sure you did. Do you think things will continue to be okay with Fran and her?”

“Actually, I do. Fran watched the video’s as well. Angie had insisted she stay.”

“That’s awesome! How are you feeling about her?”

I looked down at my hands for a moment as I tried to form the proper words. I didn’t need Alice blabbing to everyone what I said. I therefore wanted it to be subtle, yet sweet.

“I’m finding that she…..well she holds a special place in my life….in our lives.”

“Helllloooooo….I just KNEW that would be the case!” Alice spoke with sheer excitement. “This is it…god Bette I just know that she’s the one who’s going to save you.”

Before I could answer, my bubbly friend had put her car in reverse and turned to leave the parking lot, waving as she did so. I simply shook my head and smiled. For as much as I tried to circumvent having Alice get too wound up over Fran and I, she was able to read something in my voice, body language, or both which told much more than what I allowed myself to disclose.

**********

As I sat at my desk reviewing the annual summary which the CAC board wanted completed by week’s end, I kept a close eye on the time. Fran was meeting me for lunch, and I didn’t want to get too involved in something prior to my meeting her at Omaha’s Café.

“Boss?” James knocked on the office door, diverting my attention from the note I had just made with red ink.

“Yes James?”

“A Mr. Kelly is here to see you? He said he’s from Akey Monument.”

“Oh…yes, I forgot he said he might stop by. Let him in, please.”