Content Rating: R Disclaimer: This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and storyline, and is intended only for authorized viewing on the Lword.com website. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the said author. Author's Note: Um...Hmm....hello Everyone!!!
The comments on the last chapter made me laugh SO hard. Between Ness, Delicious Shell, and the rest of you gals that got engaged in their cute little banter, just caused me to have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
I will say this, Shell is like a hazard to my life sometimes. I'll be driving, and she will be on the speaker phone and something comes up and I end up laughing so damn hard, only to have her then advising me that I "better" have my seatbelt on. It's like..."Shell, I'm in more danger laughing my arse off here, with you on the cell phone, than I am if I am just driving along without my seatbelt." However, I am doing so much better with that....*looking around*....er....nevermind.
Anyway, the story has only a few more chapters left, and then it will complete what has been a story that probably has been the closest to my heart for what it has provided as a stage for my writing in a different fashion. I thank you all for your patience, courage, and willingness to read something that was so different than the typical B&T stories. I really feel this story pulled at my capabilities as a writer, and I cannot thank you all enough for the feedback, both positive and even the ones that said it was just too hard to read. That tells me that it has to be something pretty powerful, even as a Fan Fic piece, for someone to be so affected. I respect each and every reader who made the decision to continue with this story, as well as those that needed to step away.
This weekend we were at a cookout and learned that the lesbian couple that use to live across the street from me, is expecting their first baby!! It's a BOY!!! I'm so excited for them! They had gotten married about two and a half years ago, so we kind of figured that a little bambino would be gracing their lives soon. I'm beyond happy for them, and wish them all the best.
Ness: Oh my god! I don't even know where to begin between you and Delicious !! Oh wait, I'm not the middle, so I can't be between you and Delicious. EEEEK!!!! Alright, so I guess I am going to bypass all the banter between you two silly gals and address your REAL comment. I am glad we are in agreement that this story is so different, and yet it is the one that I feel allows me to get in touch with my writing capabilities. It isn't the most easiest one to write, especially in the beginning with the amount of pain that Bette has/had been feeling. Today was a lot of fun Babe. It's been so long since I pulled out the 35mm to take those type of pictures. ROFLMAOOOO...I just realized how that sounded, but I won't erase it because I know you will get a good laugh out of that one. Anyway, the last time I was there taking those photo's was for my photography class. I'm glad you had a great day, and we are now members' to return there as often as possible. I love you babe, and hey....let's choose....."K" HEE HEE. Xoxoxox
delicious: Hmm...you are fu*cking second, and third, and fourth, and 5th...and 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 20th, 31st, 34th and 35th. LMAOOOOOOO. Hmmm...okay so can I just tell you that you both cracked me up SO much, and then a few others who got in there. * shaking head * You certainly make me laugh harder than I ever have Shell. ANYWAY, I do know how and why this story affects you, and there are moments I want to cease to read it out loud to you, for I hear the emotion that results from it. I end up humbled than ever when that happens, and then I feel a little bad naturally. I know that this story is one of the hardest ones to read, and yet it's a story that I think should be told. I knew this was one that wasn't going to be embraced by most TiBetter's, but as you know, shooting for popularity isn't my technique as much as taking on the provocative issues and storylines that forces one to reach deep within themselves. I thank you for the courage to continue on this journey when sometimes I know how painful and emotional it has been. Shell I cannot wait to get started with our writing project. Between both of our humor, I agree, a box of diapers will be needed when we start writing. While I'm at the store, I'll also get the Polident and a Hair Net. LMAOO. Hmm...I may need the hairnet if you take me on your tractor * wink * I mean, by the time that happens, my purple hair will be a lot thinner I am sure, than the thick brown hair I own today. Hair may be optional, but I'll error on the side of caution. Hey sweetie.....give me a "P" * wink x3* Love you hun, always. XOXOXOX
tylo: Hey thanks for the comment!!! You want a pic of the fleet center eh? Hmmm....one never knows, you might just get it. Your email comment was thought provoking.
ZLFan: Awww Z, you will find someone like Fran or close to it. Don't settle for less than what you want and need. That's definitely the key. Fran turned out to be one hell of a woman. There aren't too many who could walk into the mess she did, and have so much patience, resolve, strength, and insight. She is a gem to be held onto for sure. Thanks for reading hun, and yes I do think you were 10th....or something. Hee Hee, those two gals are crazy, but I love em.
Paula53: Paula, thanks for the "missing." I am almost finished with it, and I'm very proud of this one for sure. So much raw emotion and risk involved, but it was well worth it. Fran is an angel in my eyes. She is a good woman, who deserves happiness, and I think she has found it for sure. LMAOO yeah, adult time, no worries, soon enough.
Patpez: ROFLMAOO Pat you are the lucky number! You can claim your prize later. Hee Hee. I'm glad you have liked the fact that this story is different. I think that there are a lot of things which people are identifying with in the story, and it isn't JUST about losing a love one through death. For some it has been about just losing a partner period. Thanks for the Spanish Pat!! * wink *
pogo74: Hey GGGGGG!!!!! Thanks for popping in hun. I know, I know, Fran and B will be getting in on VERY soon! Boy can you just imagine the fireworks??? Bette will be like a tiger who hasn't eat for days when she gets ahold of Fran. LOL!!! G, just think......82 days, but whose counting???
skehe68: Oh wow, look who has popped in from the "silent" room. LOL!!!! SOO glad to see your name on the comment section and not just in the PM. You are certainly making progress there now aren't you? :- )) Thank you so much for the lovely things you have said. They mean so much, and I am happy that I can provide something that makes people think and moves them. Thank you for that. As for Ness and Shell * shaking head* they are an absolute scream aren't they? We sure have many laughs between us. Anyway, I hope you don't remain so silent anymore, now that you came "out" so to speak. ROFLMAOOOOO Hugs and Kisses, talk to you soon.
wildtouch: Um...I won't say much about the text messages, except....WOW ! LOL...I er...can't wait. Ness says hello, and she can't wait either. I'm so excited Wildie, and we will talk more in detail later. Anyway, thanks for continuing on this journey. The story is coming to a close, and then Shell and I are on to the Comedy. Yeah, those two gals...* rolling eyes * Women...Sheesh. LMAOO. Talk to you later gater. Love ya babe.
azmama: Ahhhh I definitely remember the song AZ, and it really is quite fitting isn't it? Thanks so much for taking the time to post the lyrics. To see them written, and not just sung in my mind, makes it so much more appropriate to the story. I actually love Natalie Merchant. I haven't had that CD in my car for some time now, but perhaps I need to take it out of the CD tower and bring it on a ride with me. Thank you for reading and taking the time to post a comment, it is appreciated.
dalloway3: LMAO! Dally!!! Hi Dilly-Dally. Don't you worry girl, they are both "fouled" and in a "time out" at the moment. Oh gosh, the powerpoint. Dally what can I say to that? I finally was able to open it and I not only laughed, but the data you actually pulled together was an eye opener! You are an extremely insightful, intelligent woman who even without the amazing academic background, has a wisdom far beyond her years. I will cherish that powerpoint, for it shows where I have been, am and headed to. Thanks hun! As far as those two *looking over at Shell and Ness* I just know you will be "first" in the near future!! * wink * Did you like Shell's NC17 last night? LOL! I think it was HOT HOT HOT, and to think, she hasn't shared herself with everyone on the site yet. EEEK that was so wrong wasn't it? You know what I mean. As for the Chess-Nuts..yeah, we need to get that thing wrapped up. Too many stories on the horizon. Talk to you later on Coffee Queen.
jomarad: Hey JO!!!!!! : - ))) You know you do not have to tell me how hard this is to read, like the other one. You for one have found things in both stories that have touched a nerve. The good thing, is that you know although hard, that it is helping you in some way to deal with some of the demons of the past, to deal with a lot of that sh*t. Know that I appreciate your willingess to remain engaged, and I respect that very much. Honey, I try to live my life in a way that is respectful, compassionate, warm, loving, and that makes a difference. However, to say that you wish you could walk in my shadow puts me on a pedestal that I don't belong on hun. However, your words warm my heart, and I won't say that they are no appreciated, because they sure are. Love and Hugs to you my friend, always. Oh as for Ness and Delicious Shell, they are BOTH crazy sometimes!!!!! LMAO, but I love them both.
Lamentamin: ROFLMAO!!!!! I'm telling you Lament, you go away for a little bit, and the girls take advantage and go a little crazy. Hee Hee. Hey Lament, I know the story is a tough one, but I'll tell ya this, you followed it this long hun, and you have been through probably the worse of it. PLUS, it is coming to a close VERY soon. PLUS PLUS, who is going to referee these crazy gals??? LOL! Thanks for reading and commenting.
LetsBoogie: Thank you so much Boogs! I have enjoyed writing it, although it has been quite tiring doing so, as it takes a lot out of me. Boogie, I have to tell you that I have been told kind of the same thing. I think it really has been a groundbreaking story. To start a story with Tina dying in the very first chapter, and the way she did, certainly wasn't going to create a massive following of readers. However, that was never my intent. When an idea strikes, I write it the best I can, and give it the value and time that I feel it deserves. Sometimes the storylines can be hard ones. I thank you for honestly feeling what I too agree, has been to take something on that other's perhaps would not. Thank you for reading and posting a personal comment.
packer: Packer,Packer,Packer....what am I to do with you huh? *pushing a beer over to you* Okay, so .... August is approaching, and I'm just thinking how excited I am going to be when I can hand you that beer in person, and then probably when I tear the piece of toilet paper that we have both been give to use in the slammer when we get into trouble. LOL! I know you love Fran, and gosh who wouldn't eh? She is a loving, tender, honest, passionate, and patient woman who was the best thing that could have happened to Bette. As for the posting, I could post one a day quite easily, but I like to take the time to do my shout outs, for I know how important they have become to so many. Thanks for reading and commenting Pack, I appreciate it babe.
BeLena: Hello partner back! LOL. I know you love the story, and I truly appreciate you hopping over here and leaving a comment. I know how you feel about it already, but to see your username pop up in my story means so much. Bette is truly dealing with a lot of changes. I think the more she pulls herself together for her daughters sake, the more progress we will see in her own healing. Have you ever been in that situation, where you can pull yourself together to go and help another, but sometimes when it is just yourself, it is a hard thing to do? I think Bette is going to do a lot of healing through Angie's. Awwww as far as my friendship, do not ever thank me. There is no thanks involved, for you have always been a sincere and devoted friend yourself hun. I do recall a certain, lengthy conversation, and as a woman who has had the privilege of having many close friends pick me up in the past, I too know how it feels when someone needs a shoulder. You never forget those people ever. IAs far as the situation, I am happy to have provided another perspective. I always said, mine may not be the "right" one, it just is "one." I love ya too JBL, and don't ever forget it. I too look forward to the projects that await us. ROFLMAOOOO you made 35 eh? Too damn funny. Talk to you later gater. xoxoxoxo
prasnil: Hi Pras! Thank you hun. I missed writing this story, and probably put it aside because I feel the impending end soon. However, there is a season for everything, and this story has just about run the course for what is was meant for. So glad you have enjoyed it so much, for I have truly enjoyed writing it. Thanks again Pras.
Suejan: Hello Suejan, LMAO = Laughing My Ass Off! ROFLMAO = Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off. Thanks for reading, and happy you like it.
caitlin-jayne: Hey CJ, those two had me in stitches laughing over their banter. You should here us when all three of us are on the phone or Skype. We are dangerous to one another's health with the amount of laughter. Oh dear, I could never reveal the "secret." Hey....next time you dip that Oreo, just think of me okay? Hee Hee.
Coop: LMAOOOO Coop I LOVE my kids. They make me smile big!! Anyway, sorry it did take so long to update this, but here is another one...that makes up for it right??? I totally agree that people move on at a different pace, and in this case it has taken Tina so much longer because of the parting being done in a way which neither of them had chosen. In time, people do move on eventually and life settles into a new place which can provide so much new stimulation. I think we will see this with Bette and Fran.
Cath: I think the coach needs to go! Hope you got a good party favor. * wink * FoxyLady here we come.
Marie: Hope you liked the chappy. No longer MIA see? LOL!!!!
Bx: *Hugs*Hugs*Hugs. I won't say much here, but know you have that always.
B: Get back online woman!!!! It was great hearing little B's emotions the other day. I think you will get a laugh at what is on it's way to you. Promise that you will send a pic with that on him won't you? I couldn't access the pic on the phone. Hope all is well with A and E, and yes, or course MammaB. : - ))) I figured you would get a kick out of the fact you have a shout out. Love and Hugs my friend, always. xoxoxox
To those that leave me PM's or Emails about the story, I thank each of you for taking the time to leave me comments in that form as well. It's appreciated so much.
To the silent readers, I know there are many of you, and I too want to say a BIG "Thank You" to you all. I hope that I can continue to provide you all with chapters and new storylines that will continue to keep you engaged.
Love, Hugs, and Peace Chicki
Summary: I could feel my heart begin to race at her beauty, and it wasn't long I felt my eyes undressing her.... Total Views: 2553 times.
“I have a cancellation today, at 315pm. Can you come then?”
“Sure…..Angie get’s of school at 230pm. That will work perfectly.”
“Look, if you have a moment, can you just send me an email before you get here this afternoon. I’d like to know what has happened up to this point, what she knows, how she has been handling it all. It will help for me to have that ahead of time so we can make some real progress in the hour you both are here.”
“I’ll do that, thanks so much Cindy.”
“And….how are you doing?”
I wasn’t prepared to talk about myself. The truth was, I wasn’t so sure how I was doing. I knew I was feeling so alive with Fran in my life, and my focus surrounding Tina’s death had changed before I had really understood it. It was as if, instead of emerging myself in my own solitude and grief, I was now emerging myself into my concern for Angie, how all of this was going to ultimately affect her. My daughter was, and remained my immediate responsibility and focus. However, I knew that Cindy was still awaiting some type of response to her question…..
***************
“I’m not sure….I feel so much right now. Is it wrong to say that I haven’t given my own feelings about Tina’s death a lot of attention lately?”
“No…..not it isn’t at all. I am sure this revelation with Angie has rocked your world…a lot.”
“It has. It’s like I have been able to just take my own sorrow and pain and put it aside, disregard it and focus entirely on her. At the same time…..Fran….things are….well they are moving along.”
“Ahhh….very nice. That’s good.. I’m sure that at the same time you are feeling this new concern, about Angie, that you also are feeling a huge weight off your shoulders.”
It was true. I guess I hadn’t realized the energy it took to maintain this secret from Angie. Her being a part of Tina, was like I was facing that lie, that past, that moment and not really evolving from it.
“I do Cindy. I feel more free in a way. I don’t feel as bound to the past. I haven’t even given my own grief much thought. I mean, last night was hard, don’t get me wrong. Watching Tina before my eyes, on the video was so hard. I yearned for those days again.”
“You watched the video’s? That’s good. I remember when we used to discuss you looking at them. That was pretty much off limits to discussion.”
“It was. Angie had been asking some mutual friends about Tina. Things like what her favorite color and food was. She was really wanting to see a life with the name I guess. So last night, I put on two of the video’s and we all watched them together.”
“Wow. All?”
“Fran, Angie and myself.”
“Fran watched them too?”
“Yes….well we had dinner together, the three of us. Angie had wanted her to stay.”
“We really do need to get you in for a session, I feel so far behind now.”
“I’ll send you an email and get you caught up.”
Cindy had taken this long journey with me, and I knew exactly what she meant about feeling so far behind. As I told her things during this phone call, I myself was realizing how out of the loop she had become in such a short time. In realizing that, I also came to the realization that what was seeming to occur in a few days, would normally have taken so much longer. Things were moving faster than I may have been able to keep up with. I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, that she was so far behind.
“Okay, I’ll be looking for that. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
Upon flipping the phone shut, Angie came into the kitchen dressed for school, and carrying her backpack.
“That’s a cute outfit. When did you get that?”
Angie rolled her eyes in her typical impatient way. “Mom, you got it for me, you don’t remember?”
“No Angie, I do remember, I just thought I would like to hear myself speak that’s all.”
“Funny.”
“Well, you give a funny answer, that’s what you get in return. When did I get that?”
“Last summer, when we did school shopping at the mall.”
“You didn’t wear it at all yet did you?”
“Nope, I took the tags off.”
“Well I’m glad you at least wore it before you grew out of it. Listen, we have an appointment with Cindy this afternoon at 315pm. I’ll pick you up from school and we can head there.”
“Do we have to?”
Angie seemed a little less receptive than she was the day before.
“Honey, we talked about this already. I think it’s really important.”
“I just feel weird talking to someone I don’t know.”
“I know….I felt that way too when I first started talking to Cindy….ten years ago.”
“TEN YEARS AGO? I’ll be……twenty by the time I’m done?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at my daughter’s tone, body language and expression.
“Nooooo…..you won’t be seeing her for ten years. Perhaps a few sessions, that’s all.”
