Content Rating: PG Disclaimer: This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and storyline, and is intended only for authorized viewing on the Lword.com website. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the said author. Author's Note:
Hi Everyone!
First, let me say everything is absolutely fine! LOL. I have become absorbed in a few different directions, and have been there for a few close friends that have been going through some tough times. I did not mean to cause concern for any of you, and simply just allowed the Fan Fic to take the back seat. However, I have done my best to stay up to date with those author's that I do read, and it's been a pleasure doing so.
I thank each of you who have been in touch, wondering where I have been. It was nice to feel missed for a bit, but I do think I have been MIA longer haven't I? Anyway, thank you again, and I do appreciate your concern and your interest.
I do want to take an opportunity to let you all know, that there is going to be a Fan Fic Weekend on the East Coast in Boston, MA, October 12 - October 14 2007. Dalloway3 has started a thread on the message board, under the "General Fan Fic" section. I am also working with Jacky on organizing one of the days in Provincetown, which she is considering "sponsoring" as an Lword.com party. As we work things out and solidify the plans, we will let you know. I believe it will get more publicity via Jacky if Ptown ends up occurring. Stay tuned!
So, as you can see, different projects, plans, offering a shoulder to a few friends in need have just kept me out of the loop. I will try my best to post consistently, as writing Fan Fic is an essential piece of who I am.
Thanks Gals...and yes, that occasion guy or two.
On to the personal shout outs!!! : - )))))
Ness: God you were so not first...at least not OFFICIALLY. LMAO!!! Oh boy, you know under you is the best, BUT....even BETTER is you UNDER me. LMAOOOO!!!!! Oh come on Baby, you so know I'm a topper. LMAO!!!!! But you between my.......well......um, let's just say that you somewhere else is probably THE VERY BEST!!! Aww the squids...they are the cutest little munchkins, ESPECIALLY the little bugger. Gosh that little girl is the cutest in the world. She truly is a gorgeous child, and will probably be the one that requires those padlocks on the doors and bars on the windows. Hope Mr.E has them ordered. LMAO!!!! Tommy Girl, well.....you know how I melt when she says Chicki. I am still floored that she knows its me without you saying a word except "do you know who this is?" God Ness, the way she says Chicki just makes me smile so very big. Ahhh....alternative measures huh? Well, we can certainly arrange something. I do have the next four evenings off, and if my calendar serves me correct, I do believe I'm free and VERY available. * wink * I'm glad you liked the flower delivery today. Isn't it nice to get a gift delivered without it being an occasion? I think it makes it all the more special. I love you Babe, and I'll be chatting with you very soon. *arching brow* back at ya, with that smile and a dimple to boot. Tell Shell to stop staring at that dimple, and especially THOSE pics....* blushing*
delicious: What kind of half ass comment was that? If you would trade that damn tractor in for something a little more faster, perhaps you would get to comment first. ROFLMAOOO!!!!!! Hell, you might even find the computer guy before you get back to your regular home station. Okay, I'm sorry, you SOOOO know I can't help but roast you big time.
Lamentamini: LMAO, you're definitely right that it could have been Alice for sure. However, it was little Angie noticing that they were getting pretty saucy there.
dalloway3: Awwwww Dally, you can have tops any day you want babe. ROFLMAO at "those 2 don't count, they get the inside scoop on when things are posted." No worries, I'll add you to the distribution list. Hee Hee. You will be at the TOP of that one. * wink * I'll await your real comment.
mbe: Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment. Glad you liked it.
ZLFan: Oh you are not alone if you were apprehensive Z. I think quite a few were to be honest. I am grateful that many readers gave this story a chance. There are just so many B&T stories about reunions, and beginnings that I just thought this would be so very different. Risky, but different. Pssst: I think Fran reminds me of a favorite blonde woman too. Hee Hee.
Probie: Fran is a woman's woman. LOL!!!! God that sounds lame, but there is some truth in there for sure. Angie is doing fairly well, as a young kid might at first. I think the pain of knowing her Mom died on her birthday, was put on the back shelf, as the excitement of "finally" seeing the woman she never knew come to life before her eyes has just brought her for a ride on cloud nine. I am sure, that as time passes, and the evening turns to dawn, that she may find she feels something different all together. LMAO..hey I'll take grown up emotions over the teen ones too! Hey, I stopped by a few times at 3W. Where did the lover's go?
TMerlin: Hey T, I just caught up with your story. WOO HOO!!!!! Gosh you just gotta love the light, fun banter. Thanks for taking the time to read this silly old fic.
tylo: Thanks T, I put a lot of heart and emotion into that one for sure.
Sara: EEEK....um....I didn't mean to make you cry. Really. I'm sure it is just PMS really. I certainly do not want to piss off a hormonal woman. LOL!!!! Thanks for read and commenting Sara.
Ann Ticipation: Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Once again, a deep, reflective and symbolic comment. I thank you for the words and your expressive side. I find that I have recently be finding so much inspiration in writing that moves people. I'll tell you a hundred times, you are one of them Ann. I have been re-reading The Prophet late at night, and I just love hos Kahlil was able to do that in the words he put on paper.
Azmama: It does help to have loved ones in your life, albeit family, friends, a partner, when you lose someone and you need the comfort of someone who genuinely cares for you. I'm fortunate to have those people in my life who supported me through the passing of some very very special people who I loved deeply. I'll never ever forget them, their love, and their friendship. I think that is why I just love Fran, because I recognize a few "Fran's" in my life.
Packer: Hey loved your text message the other day. Your's came in right after another friends, and I thought she had once again written such a long one that it came in as two. Awwww the bun in the oven. Hee Hee. Yep, that sure was what little Ange was back then. Lesbian Jedi...* shaking head * I'm stuck with that title eh? LOL!!! Only you would have bestowed such a name on me. Although, it seems to have gotten around fairly well now. LMAO!!!!! Did you see the saber that I was given? LMAO!!!!!! What to do with you gals!!!
Paula53: Hey you, so good to have caught up the other night. Your gentle reminder put a little flame under my tush, and so I posted. I know, I know......I need to keep my FF writing a priority, and it is.....to a point. HEE HEE. The video's were a precious moment. Little Angie is appreciating them so much. Let's see where it goes eh? Hold on.....
wildtouch: Hey ya know Wild1, I believe that too. The whole karma, destiny and fate thing. Yep....we all know that things do happen for a reason. At first we might feel a little confused, sad, devastated even when things change in our lives, and then somewhere, we see how the threads were sewn together for a reason. I guess our purpose is to live our lives the best we possibly can, and then have faith that paths cross, experiences happen, and things change for a reason. Ahhhh....details of the big day eh? Well....you know I will certainly involve you. You also know that once you know, you will be expected to attend right? Come on up to Mass. We'll show you a damn good time my friend. Love and Hugs, and yes we will definitely talk soon.
AshleyRoth: Hey Ash, thanks for reading and commenting. I know you pop in every once in a while, and I thank you for doing so. I'm so glad you like this storyline, even in the absence of Tina in it. There definitely remains a romantic mix here, coupled with moving emotions.
prasnil: I believe Bette treasures Fran very much so. Fran will ALWAYS have this place in Bette's heart, that no one other than Tina has had. She recognizes that it is Fran's presence that has helped her through this time of self grief, and that which Angelica is feeling as well.
B: LMAO Hey HoneyB, I looked at the comment I had written. I can't believe how old it was. It was BEFORE you had the little one. You were a woman of your word, I'll tell you. Right from the hospital bed you were texting. How damn cute was that, to think you were thinking of me at that moment. I'm glad he loved the clothes...yep, a LW for sure. * wink* It was great talking to you the other day, for you had me in stitches laughing so hard....Medium, Large, Jumbo, voluptuous....ROFLMAO...Eggs of course! I'm happy you like the story, and now for the reasons I had shared, I can now safely continue with this one. Talk to you again soon hun. XoXoX
pogo74: Hey G, thanks for the emails. You certainly brought a few smiles this way!!! LOL. Fran sure is patient, I agree. Not so sure there are a lot of women out there like that. However, I think what fuels that willingness to be patient, is that Fran not only loves Bette, but also knows in her heart, that Bette loves her too. Feeling that love, and knowing that Bette is embracing her in her life, is enough to let Bette continue to set that pace. A beautiful love has blossomed here for sure.
girl drummer: Awww GD, you know you can nudge anytime. It's all good. I have 5 chapters written on this, and expect to have it wrapped up next week. It has been a story close to my heart, for whatever reason.
BeLena: Hello my partner * wink * I thank you for stopping by. It has been quite the surprise to find you lurking shall we say? I am happy you are enjoying the story. I'll try my best to keep you occupied over the next few days, as I know I won't be alone in that lady. You got every means of getting in touch with me. I love ya too hun. xoxo
hope4tb: Hi Hope. Thank you for reading. I won't forget to post, I have been very busy with many things that had taken a precedence over the story. I have done my best to keep up with everyone elses stories that I actually do read. But....here we are. Hope you enjoy.
delicious: LOL, yeah yeah yeah. You return to make your "official comment" now eh? Okay so I was the first of the four of us "out" last night. So what else is new right? I couldn't believe how late Ness stayed up! Sheesh. I think the blue eyed lady intervened and just dropped the Skype call so all you gals could go to bed and get some rest. LOL! Hey Shell, I have read all the chapters I have done on this story to you. I felt bad when you had gotten emotional, but at the same time, I think that was something that was like a turning point if you will. I could "feel" the raw emotion that writing can pull sometime. I thank you for all that you are. You shared some wonderful insight in recent weeks, and I have to tell you, you were right about 12 hours making a HUGE difference. * wink * Hee Hee. So.....I hope you keep your creative juices flowing, because soon you and I will hit the page with our own story!!!!! Soon sweetie, just have to wrap this one up. We both know the other will take a little longer to do. I think the whole "eggplant" part that will come up in the future was a testament to the possibilities that await a comedy! Hope the tractor is going well, and thanks for raping my myspace page. LMAO! You're like someone else I know. Shell, it's been a busy week, and one that has been filled with hours upon hours of convo, and yet, no matter how much we talk, there is always more and more to say, share, and laugh about. Thanks hun. Oh...and....check on theporcelain in the green. Hee hee!!!! Okay sweetie, on to post this, and we'll be chatting with you in a short while.
coop: ROFLMAOO hey Coop, I hope Ness feels all that and then even more. That was too cute, thanks for the comment that brought this smart ass smile on my face. Glad you like the story. Alice is a great character to use. I have much fun with her, and it isn't over, I assure you.
sampa-girl: Thank you very much for reading this story and my others. This story, for whatever reason has been very close to my heart. I think it allowed me to really grow as a writer, and be quite expressive.
Ut: Thanks Ut. I'm happy you are finding the story enjoyable. It's coming to an end soon, and I thank you for giving it a chance, for it is an unusual storyline.
jomarad: HIIII JO! Thanks for popping in! You have shared so many personal things with me, and I feel so privileged to know, that my writing has moved you to be one of those that prompted you to think, consider, reflect, and find comfort and growth in yourself. What you have said publicly and also privately has meant so very much. You are a wonderful woman, and it's an honor to call you my friend. I hope the story continues to move you as it comes to a close very soon. Thanks again Jo. *Hugs*
Bella: Thanks for the flowers. They were so colorful. The vase is one I will certainly keep in my apartment and put to use as often as possible with fresh cut flowers. I cherish the moments in which we have watched an amazing trust and friendship grow. I'm here if you need anything. Remember....been there done that. I love the quotes we share, and here is one for you: "The important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle" Oh, and remember this one.... There is so much good in the worst of us, And so much bad in the best of us, That it hardly behooves any of us To talk about the rest of us. *** wink ***
Cath: GOOOOO SOX!!!! LOL. Damn Yankees * wink * Okay I couldn't help it. How has Rte24 been treating you eh? Hope you have AC, cause this heat wasn't pleasant the last few days. This weekend will be beautiful.
Marie: Thanks for lunch. We had a blast. Thanks for the subtle reminder to get my butt on the site to POST! Rememeber, Benjamen's on us, soon. Could you believe my girl turning into a label whore? GRRRRRR.....Cha-Ching...Cha-Ching...Cha-Ching.
Ske: PM's on its way hun. Thanks for the nudge, I have been absorbed in so many different directions, but figured, hey it was certainly time to comply.
Love and Hugs, Chicki
Summary: I felt the threads of my heart tear once again. If I could have changed something, anything in my life, I would have done it without thinking twice if it meant Tina would be in Angie's life....in our lives. It wasn't up to me. It wasn't possible to challenge fate. The pain, loss, it was all hard for me to bear, but now my daughter was facing the same feelings that I had to face ten years earlier. Her ache ripped at my heart more than my own pain ever could have. Total Views: 2147 times.
I looked at Francesca and couldn’t seem to pull my eyes from hers. They were engaging, deep, reflective, loving, and very supportive. For the first time since I was forced to surrender the love of my life to the unforgiving, callous and cold earth, I realized I had found something incredibly unique, and I wasn’t going to let it go….no…..I was going to make every effort to move my life forward, to take that risk and those chances that was required for me to feel again. Like it or not, I had already begun to allow that to happen. I was feeling…in every aspect of the word. Somehow, and I’m not sure when, this woman got me. She reached deeper than anyone has ever been allowed to go. She merged her spirit with mine, sucked the heartache from my heart, the perpetual grief from my soul, and unpeeled each layer of camouflage I wore to both hide and protect myself from living and loving…..yes…..Francesca was more than an isolated encounter….she was destiny, and she found me.
*************** LATER
It was later than I would have allowed Angie to stay up on a school night, but I knew this was important to her, and therefore I relaxed the rules that were normally enforced. I could see she was fighting the need for sleep, hoping to commit more of Tina to her memory.
“Okay….it looks like someone needs to get to bed.”
“Noooooo…come on Moooom, please? I want to watch more.” Angie wasn’t pleased when I shut the video off. “Mooom!!!”
“Angie, you need to go to bed. You have school tomorrow. We can watch more of these another time. It’s not like we have to return them to the video store.” My smile didn’t seem to provide any comfort.
“I’m sure you will find them more enjoyable when you aren’t so tired Angelica.” Fran offered a tender voice, hoping to alter Angie’s upset. “I know I’m feeling rather tired myself, and I would most enjoy this when I am a little more awake.”
Angie was pouting as she looked up at me. “Do you promise we can watch this again?”
“Yes, I promise.”
“Do you swear?”
“Yes, I swear.” I crossed my heart with my fingers to reaffirm my words. With that, Angie stood up from the sofa and politely said good night to Fran before ascending the stairs.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said looking down at Fran whose tired eyes remained both inviting and gentle.
“I’ll be here.” was all she said, but it was enough to warm my entire body.
When I entered Angie’s room, she was just pulling down her pajama top.
“Mom, you didn’t knock!”
“Ange, you left the door cracked open.”
“So”
“So, how am I to know you weren’t completely dressed?”
“Did you see anything?”
I wanted to laugh, but knew that wouldn’t go over quite well.
“No I did not see anything. I used to change your diaper and see a lot remember?”
“That was different,” Angie said as she slid under the covers. “I didn’t know any better, and I definitely couldn’t do it myself.”
“Ah, two points for you.”
I sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at my daughter, as I brushed a strand of hair from her face. “Are you sure you are okay with everything tonight? It’s a lot to take in.”
“I’m…okay.”
Angie’s hesitance concerned me. “You sure?”
“I just……”
I waited for her to finish, but she didn’t. I was going to have to coax her a bit.
“It’s okay honey. You juuuuust what?”
Angie looked into my eyes. Her face took on a picture of earnest.
“I just wish I knew her Mom……I wish she was still here.”
I felt the threads of my heart tear once again. If I could have changed something, anything in my life, I would have done it without thinking twice if it meant Tina would be in Angie’s life….in our lives. It wasn’t up to me. It wasn’t possible to challenge fate. The pain, loss, it was all hard for me to bear, but now my daughter was facing the same feelings that I had to face ten years earlier. Her ache ripped at my heart more than my own pain ever could have.
“Oh Angie,” I said as I hugged her to my breast. “I sure wish she was here too.”
I turned my head to the side for a moment, hoping I could somehow reach deep enough to restrain the tears from coming. I knew that time wasn’t on my side, so I released our hug and quickly kissed her forehead before standing up and going towards the doorway.
“You get some sleep. I love you boochie.”
“I love you too Mom.”
I switched the nightlight on in her room before closing the door halfway behind me. I needed a moment before I descended the stairs. I looked to the hallway ceiling as I had done so many times, as tears rolled down my face. I wasn’t sure what answers I thought that the ceiling may have held, but it was often that I looked upward, to the heavens when I was thinking of Tina, or searching for answers, guidance, anything. I took a deep breath in, allowing the air to fill my lungs completely before expressing a slow and willed breath, and walking down the stairs. When I returned to the living room, Fran was now sitting on the sofa, waiting for me. It was a nice feeling, having someone waiting for me again. She looked over when she heard my steps.
“Is she okay?” Fran asked, as she slid further over on the sofa.
“Yeah, I think so. She seems a little somber.”
Fran looked into my eyes. I felt the moisture that remained on the end of my lashes from the tears I had just shed. She twisted her lips and brows as she took on the pain I was feeling.
“Come here….lay down baby.” Fran patted her lap lightly.
I didn’t have it in me to say a thing, except to accept her invitation. It felt so exceedingly strange to be feeling as melancholy about yesterday, while simultaneously be feeling so content about today.
