LOVE AND PRIDE Chapter 63

Alice wondered if she should bolt for the door as well – especially as staying would mean having to explain to Bette that Tina had left in tears. But as she looked at Bette standing at the till paying for her two glasses of orange juice she decided to stay. She reflected on how she had misjudged the leggy brunette – in face she hoped that Bette would never find out all the names she has used to refer to her – “Bette the Boredom Bringer “ was one that really made her cheeks blush with shame. She had become very fond of the quiet and serious student. And no one could deny that when she was with Tina they both lit up in a way that was so heartening.

“Where’s Tina? “ Bette demanded “ and why are you eating one of my sausages – Alice if you wanted some there are plenty over there “

“Sit down “ Alice said “ and you and I need to talk “

“What’s up with Tina? “

“Porter – sit “

Bette sat down and began on her breakfast again

“Now I don’t pretend to understand the two of you – you look like your natural habitat should be the library but when your girlfriend is on the stage she has so much confidence and presence and you Porter – you have literally changed in front of my eyes “

“Alice – what’s going on?”

“Tina is concerned that it is only a matter of time before Jodie gets her way and has you for breakfast, lunch and tea. I could see her shrinking away but you for some inexplicable reason did not. She loves you beyond all reason – just like Jodie has been freaking you out for the last however many days and weeks – this has freaked her Bette “

Bette pushed her meal away but Alice pushed it back

“Finish it Porter – you two spend more time together than maybe you should- just give her some space even if its for half an hour. “

Bette hesitated – her instincts – every last one of them was to chase after Tina – to reassure her – to make her see that she loved only one woman and that one was her.

“I mean this Bette – let her have the space she needs to get her head into gear. She puts so much of herself into a show that it’s only natural she should feel emotionally drained for a couple of days “

Bette had never considered that possibility – and she maybe had made her worse by her alpha behaviour of that morning. She knew that Tina had come and come hard but maybe that was just her body going where her heart didn’t

“Oh Alice – what the hell have I done?

“You have done nothing wrong Bette – she is maybe just feeling over sensitive today. We al have those days when the slightest thing sets us off “

“Maybe “Bette was wavering

“Nothing maybe in it Bette – I am right and you know that – and my consultancy fee is one very nice sausage “

Bette smiled at Alice and continued tucking into her meal. They chatted for half an hour until Alice couldn’t hold Bette back from going after Tina. Bette’s first venue was the library – she fully expected Tina to be there – despite Bette walking around all four floors Tina was nowhere to be seen. Bette had a seminar in 15 minutes – one that she was loathed to miss. She strolled around some other possible places that Tina might be hanging out with no success. Reluctantly she went to the college that contained the Politics department where she knew she would face Jodie again – bloody pain in the arse.

As soon as the seminar finished Bette began in earnest her search for her lover. The library was still free of a certain blonde – she was getting increasingly concerned. She was heading for the JCR to check there or at least find the others. Shane was sitting alone eating a sandwich and reading a newspaper.

“Shane “

“Bette – how are you? Helena told me you have a spring in your step today “

Bette sat down “ Yeah – well its not going as well as I hoped “

“Why ? “

“Because Tina is upset and I didn’t see it – I had bloody Alice pointing out the error of my ways – god Shane – as fond as I am of Alice it’s a slap in the face when she has to slap me down about my relationship with T “

“What have you supposed to have done? Apart from not tell her about Jodie the vamp? “

“I told Jodie to leave me alone – gave her the speech about loving Tina and only wanting to be with her. You know what she turned round and said? “

“I dread to think “

“ She wants a threesome with Tina and I “

Shane spluttered “A freaking threesome “

“My sentiments – I told her no way “

“I am not surprised – I think that would freak me out “

Bette sighed – Shane stood up “You need a drink – what can I get you? “

“Pint of something alcoholic “

Shane raised her eyebrows “Really? “

“Yeah – can I have a pint of lager?”

“Course you can – won’t be a minute “

Shane was back in a few minutes – Bette accepted the glass and sipped it

“You are not an afternoon drinker – or an evening one either “

“I have the occasional pint – very occasional. Really I should be looking for Tina”

“My advice for what its worth is that you should give her some space “

“Careful Shane – that is what Alice said “

“Hell – yes you are right – I should be careful. Tell me about what happened “

“This confrontation went on after my 10am lecture – straight after I told Alice and Tina. Tina was shocked – I kept reassuring her but according to Alice what I didn’t see was Tina just getting worked up -as soon as I went to get more juice she ran out in tears “

“How would you feel if some woman wanted Tina?”

“I would be hurt and angry and -- well I would fear that I was going to lose her “

“There you go - you know you two are very similar in a lot of ways - maybe that’s what attracted the two of you in the first place but it also means that you should be aware that what upsets you could well upset her “

Bette sipped her drink again and let out a long moan of frustration

“I messed up this morning I think “

“You just think?”

“Not that - I went for a run and when I came back I was determined to take a grip of the situation. So I virtually seduced her in front of Helena “

Shane chuckled “I heard all about it “

“Was she okay about it? “

“What do you mean? “

“Well I am not sure but I think that maybe Helena has asked Tina that we don’t get well amorous in front of her. I tried to touch Tina the other night and T slapped me down. “

Shane nodded “It was bothering her “

“WHAT - really? I was right? “

“Yes - Helena was feeling pretty bad a couple of weeks ago and she spoke to Tina - she didn’t want you to feel bad “

“I do - God I am totally selfish “

“No - no you are not - you are very sensitive but there are times when you just miss stuff. Its okay - Helena told me the story of this morning with tears of laughter rolling down her face - she thought it was hilarious. You were suddenly the femme fatale and Tina was putty in your hands. It’s ironic because you are usually the other way round “

Bette smiled “Yeah - I know. She is just wonderful - what am I going to do about Jodie? “

“Well if she is in all your classes there is not much you can do. You could try and just ignore her “

“According to Alice Tina thinks that she is going to lose me “

“Well actions speak louder than words - show her. It is bound to be hard but in time she will learnt to believe you when you tell her that you only have eyes for her “

Bette nodded “I wouldn’t know what to do with another woman “

Shane laughed “You wouldn’t know what to do? “

Bette laughed “Yeah okay -- so that was a dumb thing to say but “

“Bette - tell her “

Bette followed Shane’s gaze to where a sheepish looking Tina was standing.

“I think I will go and pick some good tunes from the juke box - the others are all coming in at 1 - it might turn into a long afternoon “ Shane picked her pint up and nodded at Tina as they passed. Bette watched Tina’s every movement as she came towards her.

“Hey “Bette said softly

“Hey you “Tina replied

“Want a drink?”

Tina raised her eyebrow at Bette’s pint

“Yeah - please “

“What do you want? “

“Pint “

“Won’t be a minute “

Bette quickly hurried to the bar and bought two pints - one for Shane and one for Tina and a bottle of coke for herself - a third of a pint was about her limit. Shane smiled her gratitude at her when she handed her the drink

“Just remember she might feel silly for over reacting - don’t leap in - let her lead the conversation “

“Thanks Shane “

Bette handed Tina her drink and sat down. For a few minutes she delved into her bag and pulled out a plastic wallet

“I got a first for the last politics essay I wrote - my professor wants to know if I want to major in that as opposed to Art History “

“That’s great - it was a very good essay - well done Bette “

“This is the essay that you distracted me writing every time I picked it up “

Tina chuckled “Obviously didn’t work “

Tina took a long drink of her lager and looked across at Bette

“I over reacted “she said softly

Bette smiled “Must be catching “

“I - I just got so scared “

“Why?”

Tina ran her hands through her blonde hair and looked at the placid figure of her lover.

“We are both so young and everyone tells us that we can’t be life partners. But I feel like we are. I do think ahead to after university with you. Then when some stupid bitch like Jodie appears and makes it obvious that she wants you - that pulls me up. I think well maybe Bette does want to see what other women can give her. And I just get so muddled up and get scared that you might dump me “

Bette remembered Alice and Shane’s words. She also thought back to her good intentions she had come up with when she had been running. She rested her head back on the soft material of the seats they were in. She reached her hand out and took hold of Tina’s.

“As you say we are young but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t life partners. I am sure that we are. I was going through all this the other day and Helena said well people could see the two of you so obviously in love and resent it. You know that some people can be cruel - they lie -they make threats because they resent what they see someone else having. We are in a world where nothing exists but the two of us and our house and our friends and our love. It’s all about how you deal with these threats. People wouldn’t threaten us if we didn’t have something worth having. And I sure as hell know that you are worth hanging onto Kennard. Tell me something “

“Sure “

“Did this morning affect you?”

Bette could tell by Tina’s reaction - or lack of it that it had

“Talk to me sweetie “

“You were so different - maybe that’s when I started to think that you were changing and I couldn’t give you what I did before “

Bette kissed Tina’s hand

“You don’t see it do you?”

“See what?”

“That if I am changing it’s yes because of this place and the people but it’s also because I have this tremendous lover that I know I can fall back on. If I screw up I can crawl home and you will cuddle me and you will make the pain go away. Helena relied on drink and drugs and Dylan last term- all of them as bad for her as the next. We all support each other but the two of us have the best support system and that is each other. I love you - I don’t want Jodie “

“I guess I am used to losing things that are precious to me - I just reverted to being a child again “

“Well to lose me I would have to want the other woman and I don’t. This morning was also about me trying to keep up with you “

“What do you mean? “

“You -the rock star -last night - you had every hetero man and gay woman wanting what I have - you. “

“It’s just who I have to be on stage “

“I know but you have to have some part of that in you to start up with “

“Maybe “

“I think that you are every bit as alpha as me - which at the moment could either be a hell of a lot or just a bit. How many men and women came onto you last night? And you swatted them away. When I was running this morning I was thinking and there is no question that I don’t trust you. I want to belong to you Tina “

Tina put her drink down and resting one hand on Bette’s face she softly kissed her lover

“You already do – we can only let Jodie come between us. She can’t if we just shut her out. I guess it’s about communication – telling each other stuff that happens “

“Exactly – I could have left out the stuff about her wanting a threesome but I levelled with you “

“Alice was shocked “Tina chuckled

“Alice – underneath her insane exterior is a sweet person”

“Yeah – don’t think she wants that broadcast to the whole campus “

“She’s trying out for a spot on the University radio station – can you imagine that? “

“I can imagine her discussing her bizarre theories to an increasingly bewildered student population “Tina move closer to Bette and kissed her again

“Babe “

“Yes “

“You know when you asked me about this morning?”

“Yeah “

“Well – maybe I misjudged it because I was feeling so - well raw –but when you just looked at me and I melted. Then when we were alone - you were so in control “

“I’m sorry “