THE L WING Chapter 175

Narration of President Bette Kennard Porter

Seeing my old school in the distance as I stand looking down the hill brings back a lot of memories for me – not all of them good. I was the only African American girl in my year – and the years above and below. I was painfully shy even though I had thousands of ideas and opinions and because it seemed like all the other girls were so socially assured I felt I never fitted in because I was awkward. Maggie brought me out of myself – she made me want to celebrate my “differences”. In fact she was the first person I talked to about my feelings for women. She told me that loving someone was the greatest feeling in the world and if it was a woman I fell in love with I should not be ashamed – she told me to celebrate love. Ironic that she was “celebrating love “with my father a few years later.

I feel a soft hand on the small of my back and turn to see the woman who proved to me once and for all that love is the greatest feeling in the world – my wife. She smiles at me – I know she has been talking to Leigh. That’s why I moved away – in the hope that Tina would be able to connect with Leigh if she was still so afraid of me. Not for the first time Tina has succeeded where I have failed – I am so lucky – she is the greatest. She grins and me, moves closer and we kiss – she tastes so good. Tonight when we are in bed I am going to touch her and taste her and make love to her with all that I am.

“I love you “I whisper.

“You don’t have to whisper it “
“It takes all the effort that I have not to shout it from the top of the Lincoln memorial “

“Nice answer – you okay?”
“Lot of ghosts “

She puts her arm around my waist and stands beside me.

“You expelled those ghosts when you became the President of the United States. You have proved who you are and what you stand for. You really are an amazing woman Bette – you don’t see it but I do and I am so proud that you love me and want me enough to have a child together “

I look at her – she just looks fantastic in all black – boots, trousers, shirt, waistcoat and jacket – all just make her skin seem fairer and her hair blonder. She raises an eyebrow

“Tonight Porter “she says softly

“I was thinking the same thing “

“Great minds and all that “
“How is she? “ I ask

“Devastated about Maggie but – hell Bette I see her and “she shakes her head lost for words. She frowns and after a few minutes silence she begins again

“The last time we stayed with Kit she showed the Porter home movies – remember?”
“Yes – another way of showing me up “

“Precisely – anyway - there is a one of you – the smart under grad home from your prestigious university - you and your dad are gardening. Bette – its like the girl in that home movie walked out of the screen and was standing in front of me - if I ever decide I want rid of you Leigh might get seduced by an older woman “

I laugh and move my arm so it is round her shoulder – she moves closer to me and kisses my neck

“I am aroused by the way – you may need to take care of me”

“I was just thinking that I am pretty aroused so I may have to take care of both of us “
“You have a date babe “
“So – tell me about her ?”
“Typical anger about losing her mom – feels cheated and everything. She is still coming to terms with you being her sister. “
“What do I do Tina – leave her alone today or not? “

“She wants to meet you “
“She does? “
“Yes – I told her that you are a good and special person and we want her to take as much time as she needs. She is special Bette – she is Melvin’s daughter in more ways that she will ever know “

“Does she really want to meet me?”
“Yes of course. “

“Thank you for reaching out to her “

“I felt an affinity with her that can only be explained by her connection with you “

I face her “Really? “
“Yes “

“I feel sad that I never got to see Maggie so I can’t begin to imagine how she feels about not saying goodbye “

“Do you regret never seeing your mom for one last time? “
“I wish she had been alive so I could have asked her questions – I couldn’t have understood when she left. No one will ever give me those answers “
“Do you think about those questions and what the answers might have been?”

She knows how vulnerable I am about this subject – she stays away from asking me about my mother. When we were in Virginia and we found the picture of my mom and dad that image stayed in my head for days. And now its back again because of Maggie and because I am going to have a daughter in a few months. My daughter is not going to have these questions about me or Tina.

“I have lately – and we are having a daughter “

“You want to right the wrongs “she says smiling

“I intent to be the best mother I can be – I promise you “

“Bette – I know – but there are times like the crisis the other day that will take you away from us “
“But for every time that happens I will make sure we have double that time together “

“So – if you have to leave for the office at say 7am instead of 8 – we get an extra two hours in the evening with you ?”
“Yes – I don’t want her to only think of me as someone who appears now and then. As many weekends as possible in Virginia as a family. I am going to be a good mom “
“You are going to be a great mom – are you okay about meeting your sister? “
I look at her - the kindness in her eyes just sweeps any doubts I have about so many things. Slowly I nod and she slips her arms around my neck and we kiss –when she eases away she says

“Our baby is going to be so lucky “

We talk for another ten minutes until dad comes back from his conversation and Kit returns from hers. It’s a twenty minute journey to the house that Maggie first moved into when she took over the running of the school in 1973. I have arranged with my detail that I want to walk the last five minutes with Tina.

The street is pretty deserted – no one knows I am here so the risk is low. It matters to me to show her part of my past.

“That was our house there “I point to the grand red brick house standing back from the street. The landscaping of the garden is new but I see so many little things that I recognise

“Nice place “

“One of the most expensive places here- it could have been Buckingham Palace – it didn’t make me any more friends “
“Did you suffer from a lot of racial abuse ?”
“Well to abuse me they kind of had to talk to me and they didn’t. Dad moved us here because he wanted me to go to a good school “
“The 70s and 80’s were different times Bette – a lot of values are handed down from parents and intolerance is hard to shake “
“I hated it here “I grip her hand “There is only so much otherness that a single parent kid can take – it was the only time I was ashamed of my skin. I worry about that with our daughter “

“Bette – yes she will be part African American and her parents are lesbians but those are not things to be compensated for – it’s a celebration. I love your heritage – you are so beautiful. We love each other and we will teach her the right values and attitudes. I am not worried at all by that – I worry about if she is beautiful as her other mommy how I will ever tell her off “
I laugh “I think that about her – if she has the Kennard smile I am doomed “

“Tell me more about this place “

“It was a white area “
“Not like now “

She points across the street to where a young mom is putting a child into the child seat in the back of her car. She is oblivious to the security guards in front of us and the black sedan behind us – it would scare her if she looked up.

“Back then it was apart from us – plus a lot of the girls went to a different school and disliked we “ posh “ kids who went to the fee paying place “

“It was hard but it made you who you are now Bette “
“Yes - it gave me a determination that I don’t think I would have had without the snubs and the long lonely weekends just reading random books of dad’s about politics and law and great pioneers “

“SO if you had been popular you might have not become the President and met me and now be married with our first child on the way “

I laugh at the way she has re-written my history.

“Well yes – but I’m not going to thank any of them “
“No – fair enough but you could acknowledge that its what made you who you are and you are happy with who you are and what you stand for and your achievements”

“Thanks “ I say after a few minutes silence “ Thanks for being my life coach as well as everything else “
“You are welcome – and I think its time you relented with Melvin and Kit. I don’t agree with what they did not telling you but its over and done Bette. Time to move on - time to get to know your half sister”

Maggie’s house has changed very little in over 20 years – it still has the smell of apples and it has a huge log fire. There are a few people in the house but when I walk in with Tina it’s obvious they are republicans because they start to leave.

Which suits me – I may be here but nothing says that I have to be nice to people who treated me badly 20 years ago and two of the faces who stare at me when we enter are ones who did shun me when I was a thin skinned and very vulnerable teenager.

I go and find my father who is in the sitting room looking at a mantelpiece full of photographs of Leigh and Maggie

“Hey dad “

“My dear – how was your walk?”
“Stirred up some stuff. Tina just told me that it is time to move on “

“Your wife is a very wise woman Bette – you are very lucky to have her “

“I know that – how is she with you?”

“I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had hated me for not being part of her life but she seems free of bitterness except for not being able to say goodbye to her mom “

“It must have been a shock to you “

“It was a shock to everyone “

“Maggie always knew? “

“Oh yes – Bette I had a very loving relationship with her. We were two lonely people “
“She was married dad “
“Bette – when it goes wrong a marriage can be the loneliest place in the world. And that is something that I hope and pray you never discover for yourself. You have a beautiful wife Bette who is clearly your soul mate – not everyone is as blessed as that. I was a very lonely man Bette - Maggie was having problems with her marriage – don’t say that I caused them because I didn’t. I gave her love and attention –her husband knew about it and turned a blind eye because of his own indiscretions “
“She was a lot younger than you dad “
“Yes she was but age doesn’t matter when you fall in love - neither does distance or a person’s weight or their job – only one thing matters and that is the chemistry between two people when they are alone. “
“I am glad that she made you happy dad and I am glad that you have something so solid to remember Maggie by “
“I want to get to know her Bette – I might take some time off “

“You – time off? “

“I was a workaloholic and I missed so much of your early life – I never saw Kit either and now I have a new daughter. She needs me to be there for her. “

“So you are thinking of cutting back from your usual 14 hour work days? “
“Yes – it’s my law firm Bette – there are times when being the boss means that you can cut back “

I reach into my pocket and pull a plastic wallet from my jacket and remove the picture and hand it to him

“There is another reason you should cut back – meet your grand-daughter “

The look on his face must be as special as mine was when I saw this picture for the first time. He removes his glasses and looks at it for several seconds – he shakes his head

“It’s a miracle that she will be have your genes as well as Tina’s. Yes Bette – this has decided me – its time I cut back on my hours so I can spend time with my two new girls. Is everything alright with her and Tina? “

“Tina is very fit and healthy – so is the baby. I just intended to take good care of her – take care of both of them – they are the most precious things on this earth to me “
“I wish I had taken that attitude when you were born -I was such a bad father “
“You loved me – I knew that “
“Admit it Bette – you never saw me “
“I know but that just made that moment when you would come home more special to me. I would struggle to stay awake so I could just see you “

“Make time to tuck your daughter into bed Bette – however pressing a meeting seems and a briefing needs to be digested – nothing matters more than that baby that Tina is carrying “He hands me the photo and I return it to the plastic wallet and back into my pocket
“And Tina as well “
He nods “And your wife – Bette – I think you need to go and meet Leigh “

I nod “Yes I do and you need to stop beating yourself up. You did what you thought was right and I had the best of everything “

“Thank you sweetheart “

I kiss his brow and leave the room. The house is quiet – Kit is standing in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee

“Hey sis “I smile at her

“Hey Bette “
“I’m sorry I have been so off with you and dad – it’s been such a huge thing to all of us”

“We would never keep anything from you. You had so much going on in your life and with your job – you didn’t need this on top of just getting Shane back “

“I know – that’s what Tina says – I’m sorry “

Kit takes hold of me and hugs me. I rest against her – she has always been there for me. She talked me into becoming a Senator arguing that I had so much to offer. And I can never forget that with Peggy and Lara she helped Tina and I get together.

She looks at me

“You need some time off “
“Tina says I need a long period of boredom. Just working and coming home and resting with her “
“Is she alright – she looks tired “
“She is fine – so is the baby – where is Tina and where is Leigh?”
Kit indicates the window – I look out to a long beautifully manicured garden. I see Tina sitting at a picnic table covered with a giant red and white sun umbrella. She is facing Leigh – Tina has her hand on Leigh’s and they are deep in conversation.

“They seem to have taken to each other “

“Your wife is a very sweet person – heaven knows how when she lives with such a sour puss in you. And Leigh – well she is a dear child “

“I would like to get to know her “
“You will – now get out there and meet her “
“She seems to be getting on so well – maybe I should leave them “
“Elizabeth – get out there. Tina is just paving the way for you “