Chapter 25

Tina sat numb. What more could she do? She was at her end – she had planned, she had courted and she had loved but Bette was either too much in love with Jodi or too afraid of her – or both.

She breathed in and then out, slowly, trying to diffuse the negative thoughts and feelings of defeat. This was too important for her and for Angelica. She would continue to fight until and unless Bette told her that she no longer loved her. As the thoughts bounded through her head, one stood out and gave her strength.

Actions speak louder than words.

Leaving the office, she entered the bar and looked to find Bette off with Kit. She looked at her, letting the love she felt for her build and fuel her in the face of the task she had created for herself.

She went up to Janie, her friend in the band. “Um Janie, I need to make a complete ass out of myself and I was wondering if you could help me.”

Janie burst out laughing at the offer but was taken aback by how serious Tina was.

“Sure Tina. Anything to thank you for this gig. What we don’t get in huge bucks we make up for in contacts, dates and free drinks so ask away.”

“Well I need to let someone know how I feel about them and show them I’m willing to take a risk…”

“Bette?” Janie interrupted.

Tina tilted her head in curiosity. “How did you know?”

“God Tina you and Bette are the cause celeb in WeHo. Those women not wanting to date you, are wanting you back together.”

“Really??” Tina asked.

“Absolutely.”

“So which camp are you in?” Tina asked with a sly grin.

“Ah you know we’re too good of friends for me to try anything with either of you. I’m in the ‘get you back together’ camp.”

“Good” Tina said emphatically. “So am I. So, what you can do is sing with me.”

“Your kidding. Are you looking to totally put yourself on the line or are you any good?” Janie asked surprised.

“I can carry a tune. So is it a deal?” Tina waited.

“Like I said, anything for you.”

“ok Let’s get this over with.” Tina started moving back to the stage with Janie. “Do you know the song…”

Chapter 26

As they waited for the band to start again, Bette stood at the bar next to Kit wondering why Kit kept giving her sideways glances but assumed that she was wondering what had happened on the dance floor.

“So how are you and Jodi?” Kit finally asked.

Bette glanced at her. “We’re fine. I’m not seeing much of her at the moment as she’s working on a piece for her collection. She’s stopping by later.”

“Oh yeah. She seems to always be quite busy. Don’t you miss having someone to come home to and share things with – like you used to do with Tina?”

Bette gave Kit a hard look. “What’s up with that Kit? I thought you liked Jodi.”

“I like her fine. I just don’t know that she’s for you. You remember, I knew you and Tina together and damn you were so good.”

“Yeah, so good that we stepped out on each other with other people.” Bette shot back.

Kit looked at her squarely. “Is that all you remember? ‘Cause I remember the dinner parties you two used to give to celebrate your life with your friends, I remember the way you two always looked out for one another and were so in tune you could communicate without even speaking. And I remember the love on your faces when you took Angel home together after the hospital. There are few people who wouldn’t sacrifice what you went through in the last two years for the kind of love you two had for 8. And still have.”

Bette stood quietly not only struck by the vehemence in Kit’s speech but also the validity of it. She did miss having a best friend and lover for whom she was the most important person in the world. She didn’t feel that she had that with Jodi but she also was battling to believe that she could have that again with Tina. It was too much to hope for.

“Kit, I just don’t know. I’m so fucking confused.” Bette finally admitted.

“What are you confused about, Bette?”

“I still have these feelings for Tina and she’s told me she wants me back but I’m so scared. I’m doing ok with Jodi”

“You mean you’ve put yourself in a position where you can’t be hurt too badly because you’re not as committed to and in love with Jodi.” Kit stated.

Bette looked away, contemplating what Kit had said. Kit saw this and decided to bring it home.

“The problem with that is you’re not in a position where you love with your whole being are loved liked that in return. You had that with Tina and you know in your heart that she feels the same. I’ve seen how she looks at you. Tell me you feel complete now.”

Bette bowed her head using her breathing to control the sobs that were threatening to escape. Just the memory of her love with Tina could make her heart tighten.

“I can’t.”

Kit put her arm around Bette. She had made her point and hoped that it sunk in. She didn’t want to see Bette hurt again.

As they stood together the band took the stage again.