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All my muscles had hurted when I had forced myself to get up, and leave the house that I had once been able to call my home...

Angelica, whimpering her dislike as I hold onto her too closely...

I remember the harsh sting of pain when I had seen those little hands sign to the woman I had just lost my life to...

Speaking to her in that secret language, Bette had learned without even as much as a

hesitation...

Was that the moment where I had realised what I had lost?

Shaking my head, I tried to distance myself from the wrenching feeling I my chest...

I had known before...

That excruciating dream, that I had dreamt, lying in his arms...

Her lips on mine, as they had been so many times, lingering, grazing... I felt that amazing feeling, hesitating on the border of slumber... Knowing that if i awoke, those eyes would be close to mine... I could feel her hand meet mine, our fingers entwining in a neverending connection... The safety of her presence, the softness of her skin, at once it all seemed to fade away... The only thing that remained was the image of those hands, clinging onto eachother...

The fingers unwinded before my eyes, as I saw how the connection was broken...

But the long slender fingers that belonged to the woman who had touched my heart, were no longer touching mine, and as the view I had seemed to extend, I saw her...

Candace...

With a jerk I turned around, and faced her, her deep brown eyes, showing me the emotions, the pain, the utter pain that I had caused her as Helena told her that I was pregnant...

The way she had avoided to look at me, before she calmly, yet fighting her tears, left the center for social justice...

I wanted to follow...

Someone stopped me...

But it were not Helena’s arms that surrounded me, but Eric’s...

Ashtonished I looked at him, as his face became a blurr... From Josh to Henry, the image of the man who held me changed... And as he pressed me against him, protecting me with the safety of heterosexual life, I felt how my heart started to pound in utter panick...

Over his shoulder I saw her... Her eyes met mine...

The hurt...

The hurt I had inflicted...

Shattering my heart...

I had shivered like a leaf, waking up... Hot tears finding its way down my cheeks... Choking me...

Maybe that had been the first time I had been able to admit to myself what I had allready known inside my heart for so long...

I had chosen to live a lie...

Pretending not to love her...

Was just like pretending not to breath...

The soft buzzing, coming from the on the kitchentable of the apartment I’d never had the heart to start calling ‘home’, forced me to focus on the item that caused the sound...

My phone...

A little envelope...

Her name...

You have received a textmessage from: Bette

My fingers trembling, I pressed the button that would allow me to see what she had written... The pounding organ that tried to contain my love for her, again betraying me, jumping up with hope...