I’d always had this ability to read people, so when had I stopped reading Bette?

Why had I stopped?

As the question entered my consiousness, so did the surface of the answer... I didn’t want to see how much I hurted her, with my stinging remarks on her job –or rather lack thereof- on money, and all those other meaningless things... I didn’t want to see the hurt in her eyes, and yet I needed it... I needed her confirmation that I wasn’t worth enough, a fear I had always had, and that she had reinforced by sleeping with the carpenter... I needed her eyes to tell me that she hated me, as much as I hated myself... For allowing that to happen... For allowing her to slip through my fingers...

But I hadn’t thought of the other side, of how much it hurted me to see her hurt... Thats why I had stopped reading her... Because I couldn’t bare to see hurt in those magnificent eyes...

And I had found that there was only one thing worse than seeing that hurt...

Knowing I was the cause of it...

I shook my head, knowing all those contradictive emotions and thoughts had only lead me to one conclusion...

I wanted her to be happy

And allthough I desparatly wanted to be the cause of her happiness... 

I know I couldn’t be.

I don’t have the right to complicate her life just as she’s met someone else.

Jodi...

Again that name echoed through my head... The exchange between them as they stood there, signing at eachother about the dinnerparty... The strong wave of connection...

Jodi was Bette’s happiness now...

And if it doesnt work out between them?

I hated myself for the flare of hope that reached my heart... Would I ever have a chance? Would I ever be able to tell her... To right my wrongs... To give her all the love I had inside of me?

It wasn’t just Jodi standing in the way...

Bette had moved on...

And allthough she had told me she loved me, and those words had made my heart jump and pound with utter joy, I also knew that love had changed...

I was now her friend...

The mother of her child...

The one who could give her advice...

I sensed what Kate wanted to hear... I instinctivily knew that this was the only way to let this beautifull woman down gently...

She was wonderfull...

She just wasn’t Bette...

So I gave her the answer she was expecting:

I guess I am waiting to see about that too

I was surprised at the accuracy of my prediction and arced my eyebrow, as she turned her back on me. The arrogance in her voice was could have been hurtfull, if I hadn’t sensed the pride behind it...

Well, girls like me don’t stay on the open market for very long, so if you want some of this, you’re gonna have to work on it sooner rather than later

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Big dark-brown eyes met mine, and I felt how my heart was the first to respond, as if life filled it from within, that amazing force being pumped through my veins, bringing love to every part of my body...

That was surreal...

We uttered the words at exactly the same time, allowing me to feel that thrill of lingering connection between us, the silk thread that had always remained...

Absolutely... Oh my god...

Clearly unaware of the fact that she just had taken away my lifeline, Bette broke the weaving cord between us, walking hastily in the direction of her packed suitcases. I felt how my heart wrenched with shattered hope... Why did that jittery organ continue to betray me?

I’m gonna call to talk to Angie... Thank you so much for helping me... I really really apreciate it.

She had been draining herself for things to say to express her gratitude towards me... I couldn’t help but let my eyes wonder over her face, the line of her jaw, the light of anticipation in her eyes...

Anticipation to see Jodi again and win her back...