Notes from Underground – Viva La Jobette

Short Story 4: a Tibetter’s re-write of Jobette’s scenes

Jodi Lerner’s Studio

Jodi is trying to talk while Bette is trying to take off Jodi’s overalls and pushing her towards the bed on the back of the studio, behind the “The Unauthorized abortion of W.”

Jodi: (with frustration that is written all over her beautiful face) “Bette, read my lips…you don’t understand what I’m saying. We can’t do this.”

Bette: (trying to capture Jodi’s moving hands so she could kiss her) “I don’t want to read your lips, I want to kiss them…I want them to kiss me…I want to kiss them while they are kissing me.”

Jodi: (inching away from Bette as her hands moving very rapidly) “But that’s what I’m trying to say, I don’t want to kiss you, not until you tell Tina to fuck off.”

Bette: (stopping what she was doing) “Wait…you’re too fast…you look like one of those TV commercial’s women who clean their house so fast like they have 10 arms…did you just say that you’re trying to tell me that you want to kiss Tina while she fucks you?”

Jodi: (now speaking very slowly and using her hands again to illustrate what she was saying), “No…I want to fuck you but Tina is still around and I need your undivided attention.”

Bette: (watching Jodi’s mouth and her hands at the same time) “Fuck, I have a really hard time understanding you today…all I got from this is that you want to fuck someone, then something about circles and detention…am I right?”

Jodi: (frustrated and upset) “Argh…fuck…I need Tom.”

Bette: “Oh, I understood that…Tom…wait, you want to fuck Tom? Care for a three-some?” (she wiggled her eyebrows)

Jodi threw her hands in the air with frustration and turned around, leaving Bette without another word.

Bette: (pouting) “What did I say?”

Bette: (waiting for Jodi to return and she seems bored, so she grabs one of Jodi’s power tools and began waving it around, while talking aloud to herself) “I’m a very handy carpenter and I nail planks for living…I can nail you so hard you’ll forget about tomorrow…I am hot, sweaty carpenter…”

Jodi: (comes back and is speaking through Tom) “What in the hell are you doing? Put that drill down, Bette. I don’t allow anyone to play with my toys. Do I come to your house and play with your toys? No.”

Bette: (smiling, while she puts the drill down) “Oh, baby…you can come and play with my toys any time you want. Better yet, how about you play with my toys first and come later?” (wiggling her eyebrows again suggestively)

Jodi: (talking through Tom) “Bette, I thought you had an Ivy League education…you graduated from Yale, for fuck’s sake…how hard is it for you to learn some sign language so you could understand what I was saying to you earlier? Even Nadia learned it quicker than you, at least we didn’t have any problems communicating when we fucked each other.”

Bette: “Could I be a little slow because of all this weed I’ve been smoking with you lately? And here I was thinking that it doesn’t have any effect on human brain. How could it have any effect on mine? I’m perfect.”

Jodi: “Apparently, it’s having a huge effect on your brain because I just said I fucked Nadia and you didn’t say anything. I thought you hate it when I date and fuck other women.”

Bette: “I heard you…you fucked Nadia, so what? I fucked Nadia too…who hasn’t? Why, do you want to compare notes?”

Jodi: “No, I just want you to care if I’m fucking somebody else…do you care? Do you?”

Bette: “Nah…monogamy is so overrated…let’s have an orgy, we can invite all our mutual friends, Nadia, Phyllis…Tom, are you interested?”

Tom: “Will there be any cute guys?”

Bette: “I’m sure we can find you some…oh, how about Leonard?”

Tom and Jodi: (together) “Leonard Kroll?”

Bette: “Why not? He’s single now, he’s handsome for an older man…Phyllis mentioned that he was a good lover.”

Tom: (scratching his head): “He is cute all right but he’s straight and still trying to get Phyllis back.”

Bette: “I’ll take care of that…just come to the orgy. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.”

Tom: (excitedly) “When is it?”

Bette: (looking at Jodi, smiling): “When do you have time, honey? Is tonight too soon?”

Jodi: (angry) “I thought tonight was your night with Angelica. I don’t like the kid but she’s your daughter so I have to be nice to her.”

Bette: “I know you don’t like kids, honey. I don’t care as long as we have hot, mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex…when are we going to have it? Let’s have it tonight, please…”

Jodi: “I thought you love the way we fucked…remember that morning I drew a sketch of you, naked in bed and then we fucked all morning? It was so great that you forgot all about work. Didn’t you like it?”

Bette: (shrugging her shoulders) “I’ve had better…anyway, about that orgy. I’ll ask Angus to take care of Angelica and we are gonna party all night long. Maybe I can find someone to have that hot, mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex since you seem to fail to deliver…you don’t mind, do you? I want to see how it feels to have more than one sexual partner at a time.”

Jodi: (clearly upset, almost crying) “What is happening here? What happened to the sweet, vulnerable, weak woman who was always hanging on my every word and believing every thing I said? I’ve created a monster.”

Bette: (holding her breath, her eyes are sparkling with hope) “Do you wanna break up then? Because you know, I won’t cry…there’re plenty of women who want me.”

Jodi: (takes a deep breath and calms down) “No, I don’t want to break up but I need some time to think…you can have that orgy without me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tom: (going after Jodi) “Are we still on for the orgy tonight then, Bette?”

Bette: “Maybe another time, I really want Jodi there…after all, she’s my girlfriend.”

Jodi and Tom left

Bette: “Fuuuuuuuuck…”

Bette’s Office

Bette goes back to her office…5 minutes after Jodi walks in and seats down on the edge of Bette’s desk, unaware that her overalls are covered with dirt and paint.

Jodi: (smiling) “I’m done thinking. You’re wicked hot, Dean Porter, and I want you. I decided that I love when you’re in control and act all immature and careless. And I know I can rock your world. So, here’s what I think. Finish up here and come to my boudoir in two hours. We’re gonna rock.”

Jodi kisses Bette’s hand, leaving greasy marks all over the hand and leaves with a wink.

Bette: “Fuuuuuuuuuuck…”

A few minutes later, after Bette washed her hands and polished her desk where Jodi was sitting.

Bette: (dialing her cell phone) “Okay, I did it…I acted like a complete idiot and now Jodi thinks I’m a drug-addict, a brain-damaged lunatic who belongs in juvenile delinquency facility and has control issues.”

Voice: “So, does it mean you are free now?”

Bette: “If only…those are the qualities that seem to attract Ms. Lerner like a leech to blood, like a bee to honey, like a fly to…”

Voice: “Bette, I got it…why don’t you just break up with her?”

Bette: “I already did.”

Voice: “Well, some lesbians, you know, you have to break up with them more than once.”

Bette: “I did it three times already…that woman is incorrigible.”

Voice: “Three times? This is some kind of a record…what were the reasons?”

Bette: “The first time I did when she said that she didn’t like kids and everyone knows that Angelica means the world to me…but she begged me to try again and so we did. The second time was when Jodi told me that she doesn’t do monogamy, that she doesn’t want to be tied down or she would go crazy…”

Voice: “Wow, Bette…this alone should have made you run away from her as far as you could…apart from the Candy-ass affair, I know you’re a firm believer in monogamy.”

Bette: “Yes, I am and I told her that if she would keep dating other women I don’t see a future for us…”

Voice: “And…”

Bette: (with a sigh) “And she said that every time she sleeps with someone else she is thinking of me because none of her other girlfriends make her feel the same way I do or kiss her the same way I do.”

Voice: “And you bought it? This is such a cheesy pathetic excuse for a commitment-phobic and a serial cheater, if you ask me.”

Bette: “I am asking you…what should I do now?”

“Voice: “When was the third time?”

Bette: (softly, with a lot of emotions) “Oh…when Tina came to the house one morning and told me that she still loves me and misses me…we almost kissed but Jodi walked in like it was her own house and right away went to me and kissed me…and then she looked at Tina with such an air of superiority, as if I was her prized possession and she owned me and nothing Tina could do to win me back.”

Voice: “Did you want Tina to fight for you to win you back?”

Bette: “Very much so…I still love her but I’m afraid she will break my heart again, so I need to take it slow and let her make her first move.”

Voice: “If you’re still with Jodi, Tina might think that you’re in love with her and she will step aside because she wants to see you happy.”

Bette: “This is the thing…I think it’s already happening but I can only be happy with Tina…what should I do?”

Voice: “Well…you broke up with her three times and she keeps coming back…maybe she didn’t hear you right?”

Bette: “Yeah, come to think of it…each time I broke up with her Tom wasn’t there.”

Voice: “Tom?”

Bette: “Her interpreter…I mean, her assistant…he’s such an ass himself…”

Voice: “Wait…are you telling me that most of the time you have some guy with you, interpreting every thing that you say to each other?”