Chiaroscuro

Chapter 30

Todos Santos

“I was wrong.”

Bette turned to look at her but quickly looked back at the dark road as she drove toward the inn.

“About what?”

“A lot of things.  So many things.  God, Bette, sometimes I can’t believe how we got here. And I know…I know that you have every right to never forgive me.”  Tina wanted to reach out and touch her but stopped herself. 

“Tina, I don’t think I can do this now. It’s late and I an exhausted.”  She stopped the car in front of the inn but left it running.

“Please…just come in for a few minutes—I want to give you the papers…just so that you have them.  And I have some pictures…”

Bette leaned her head back against the back of the car seat.  “I don’t think…”

“Then don’t think.  Five minutes, Bette.”

Tina opened the car door and got out; she waited until Bette shut the engine and followed her to the room.

“It’s been a long night, Tina.”  She stood just inside of the sitting room while Tina moved into the bedroom, turning lights on as she went.  Bette watched her, not quite believing that she was actually there, with Tina, in Mexico.  She found herself incapable of moving any further into the room.

Tina walked back toward her with a large envelope in her hand.  “Bette? You can come in for a minute and sit down.”

“No…I have to go.” 

“There are papers in here from Kit as well.”  Bette stared at the envelope for a few seconds before she reached out to take it. 

“Bette? If you’re too tired to drive…” 

“I’m fine, Tina.”  She turned to go, not willing to continue the conversation.  “Will I see you tomorrow night?”

“Only if you want me there, Bette.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, then.”  She walked out, holding the envelope limply in her hand.  

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She threw the envelope on the table in the kitchen and walked into her bedroom, stripping off her clothes.  Everything inside the house seemed suddenly changed, different—her footsteps echoed as she walked on the floorboards.  When did the house become so hollow?  The air itself had a different scent—her scent.  How could someone come into a space and change it so quickly and irrevocably?   

She was exhausted but knew she wouldn’t sleep.  The thought of a tub crossed her mind but she realized that it was just a delaying tactic. 

Her hands shook as she opened the envelope and pulled out the papers. The photographs were clipped to them and she suddenly found herself staring at her daughter’s face, her finger tracing it as if to try to feel the delicious texture of her skin.  She had changed so much and yet not at all.  The photos that Tina had enclosed were candid and caught the many moods of Angelica.  Her face was an extraordinary combination of the two of them; how was that possible? A few pictures were with the girls at the planet but most seemed to be taken at the house. 

She didn’t bother to read the paperwork—it could wait.  Her exhaustion made her hands shake—she had to try to sleep otherwise tomorrow night would be hell.  Carrying one of the photos of Angelica with her, she went into the bedroom and lay down.

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Tina sat outside on the small patio and felt, for the first time in a year, that she had done the right thing.  They would get through this in whatever form their relationship would take.  Angelica would have her mother back and Bette, her daughter.  She wasn’t naïve enough to believe that it would be easy. But she promised herself that she would make it right in whatever way she could—in whatever way Bette would let her.

Tomorrow night would be strange but exciting.  She had to admit to herself that the paintings shocked her a bit—but exhilarated her as well.  There was so much passion in them that belied Bette’s hesitant and remote demeanor toward her tonight.  They gave her hope.  And a strong sense of claimed ownership—after all, when people viewed the paintings tomorrow night at the opening, there would be no doubt as to who Tina was to Bette.