“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, and it’s on me.”

“First you tell me that I should have another drink and then you’re giving them to me on the house?” asked the blonde, perplexed.

“My place or yours?” asked the bartender, ignoring the question.

“Yours, no mine…I don’t know.”

“Well, make up your mind, there’s no time to waste.”

“I thought you had to work until closing.”

“Things change.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you need to? All you need to know is that in thirty minute we’re going to be in a cab going…somewhere. Where is the only decision that you have to make.”

“If only life were that simple.”

“Well tonight, it is that simple.”

How much courage would she need? There was plenty where that last drink had come from. There was plenty still resting in that glass. Her thoughts moved to the idea of another woman’s hands on her body. How long had it been? A long time since a man, even longer since a woman and that woman wasn’t even her lover. They must have been lovers but there was only one woman who she regarded as the one that truly loved her. Was she ready? Was it the drink talking? Then she remembered that recently it was always the drink that was talking. She was never without it.

Her eyes followed the bartenders movements behind the bar. It would probably be a good idea to find out her name before this went any further. Maybe that should remain part of the mystery, part of the adventure. She knew that she would never fall in love again so what was the point of finding out a name if she was never going to use it after tonight, or maybe tomorrow morning. She watched as the bartender say something to someone. She guessed it was the person who was going to finish off her shift for her. The woman laughed, ruefully, at herself. Someone was making their excuses so that she could take them home for a night of…she wasn’t quite sure but she knew that she was going to be revealing herself to a stranger. Maybe that was better, that way there was no judgement involved. Just two women making the best of it.

“Shall we go?”

“Where to?”

“Haven’t you decided yet? Yours or mine, you make the decision.”

“OK, mine. I think it’s better if we go to mine.” said the blonde, still not sure about what she was doing.

The blonde stumbled slightly as she got up off of her bar stool. She felt a steadying hand on her arm. The shock of having someone to hold her up, no matter how momentarily, coursed through her. The images of her lover, holding her hand, pushing her onwards and upwards, raced through her mind. How she missed that, the idea of having someone there to hold her.

“Are you OK?” asked the bartender, a gentleness in her voice.

“I think I might be a little drunk.” confessed the blonde.

“Maybe just a little.”

The cold night are came as a surprise to both of them. The blonde gave a tiny shiver as they waited to a cab to pull up, she remembered how this wasn’t an LA night. She was much further north now. She felt an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to the woman that was going to accompany her on this night, and into the morning. When did she get this desperate? They hadn’t even kissed, barely even talked and yet she was still going to feel something, anything with this woman.

As they stepped into the cab the warm air of the heater provided another contrast. She looked out of the corner of her eye, trying to study the woman that she was going to have sex with. It was so basic. It was just sex, a reason to feel alive again. If she kept telling herself this then maybe it would be true. When was the last time she had felt that way? Maybe when she was still married, maybe even before that, maybe never. No, that couldn’t be true, she vaguely remembered a time when she felt more alive that anyone ever had. The first adrenaline shot of love, the promise of making it last forever. That’s when she had last felt like living.

“You’re very quiet.” said the bartender softly.

“I have a lot to think about.”

“Maybe you need to give your brain a break.”

“That’s the plan.”

“Is that all I am to you?”

“Do you want to be something more? If you do it’s probably better that this doesn’t go any further.”

“No. I can live with where I am right now.”

“Can you?” asked the blonde, amazed.

“Yes, why can’t you?”

“No.”

There was no more conversation after that, just a short ride to the blonde’s apartment. The blonde paid the cab driver, it was the least that she could do. They both turned and walked up the steps to the front door. The blonde suddenly felt that same arm that had steadied her pull her back.

“Before we go in, tell me something.”

“What?” asked the blonde, impatient to get inside.

“Your name.”

“Tina.” she said, opening the door, pulling her companion into the hallway.