"How much?" Bette asked, her eyes filling with tears.
"$200,000.00"
There was dead silence in the room. Then in a voice so soft, yet tinged with anger and hurt, Bette said, "You saved $200,000.00 in an account without my name on it, then sat back and made me pay for your apartment and ALL your expenses when you moved out? You used my health insurance from the CAC to pay for Angelica’s birth. You used my income to buy all those expensive maternity clothes? All that money that we could have been using now that I’m not working, and you let me think every single day that I had failed you financially?"
Henry’s eyes were wide as saucers, and he knew without a doubt where he was going...home!
"Uh, Tina, I think I am going to get Mickey and go."
Tina could only nod, knowing that she would never see Henry again. And, to be honest, she couldn’t blame him. She would run from herself too.
Within seconds Henry was out the door, leaving Bette and Tina silently standing across from each other.
"I want you out of my house." Bette said with a voice of steel.
"But Bette, I don’t have anywhere to go."
Holding a hand up, as if to shield herself from Tina’s words, Bette gritted her teeth. "Get out. You have more money in the bank than I do, and you own half my house, and half my liquid assets. You are working as the head of a studio making more that I did at the CAC. Get the fuck out...now!"
Bette was right. She had been a cad. A ruthless, merciless cad. "Fine, I’ll go."
Tina felt terrible, and needed to connect with Bette in some way. She started towards her, wanting to give her a good-bye hug.
Bette saw her coming and took a step back. "Get away from me Tina. You smell like man balls!"
Tina could feel the tears in her eyes as she watched Bette walk back into her bedroom. Then she hear a sound that broke her heart...a sob.
She heard Bette talking to someone, and a minute later realized it must have been Shane, as their lanky friend eased herself through the French doors, and silently walked past her to join Bette.
Less than a minute later, Tina watched in horror as the two women marched past her, dragging Bette’s mattress, along with all the bedding still on it, and unceremoniously dumped it next to the curb.
Bette walked back in and went to her desk pulling out a big piece of paper and a felt tip pen. She wrote one word, and then carried the sign outside, laying in on the bed.
It was only one word, but it said everything about how Bette now felt.
06/11/2006 ,
13:32:25 PM From:
lastkid Comments:
I bow before utter brilliance. Magnificent, funny and so wonderfully done. Wow.
06/11/2006 ,
13:45:33 PM From:
Lamentamini Comments:
I've onyl read a few paragraphs and i'm already rolling. MAN PENIS!!!! xD As opposed to woman penis? O.o Love love LOVE your sense of humor, woman. I only hope my soul mate has the same sense of humor. And now, on with the story...
06/11/2006 ,
13:55:34 PM From:
Michellia Comments:
First let me say this SHIT was funny as HELL........Now on with it....."I..I..I..see Bette people," he whispers.......LOL.....I THINK WE ALL SEE HER.....'Oh yeah baby...those five inches are looking mighty fine if I do say so myself.......FIVE INCHES WHAT ABOUT EIGHT THAT'S THE NORM.........."Don't worry Henry, we'll just do it the old fashion way!!"..................THAT'S SO BORING.......Bette would never have a problem with not finding the right spot, or prematurely slipping out once she did. She silently shook her head, remembering just how good that woman could make her feel........YOU ALWAYS MISS WHAT YOU HAD........BETTE LEFT HER MARK.........Dammit, Tina,' she admonished herself. 'YOU ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT BETTE!!! You're not thinking about her magical fingers. You're not thinking about her extraordinary tongue. You're not thinking about her full, soft lips. You're not thinking about the taste of her. You're not thinking.............YES TINA YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT YOUR TRUE LOVE.......SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE....NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO FUCK HENRY OR ANYONE ELSE........"NO!!!!!" Tina screamed in frustration...............THAT'S HOW IT IS WITH MEN.....I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.....Bette saw her coming and took a step back. "Get away from me Tina. You smell like man balls!..............LOL.........Less than a minute later, Tina watched in horror as the two women marched past her, dragging Bette's mattress, along with all the bedding still on it, and unceremoniously dumped it next to the curb..........YOU GO BETTE.......THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
06/11/2006 ,
14:15:29 PM From:
sacrebleu Comments:
Very funny indeed, but also very sad. But very well written as always. Thank you for having the courage (I almost thought "the balls"....) to share this story with us. I do hope it is the very last time you write a straight sex scene and I can't wait to read your next story.
06/11/2006 ,
14:19:33 PM From:
Lamentamini Comments:
Damn, girl, that whole thing had me rolling!
06/11/2006 ,
14:53:07 PM From:
azmama Comments:
Dayum, woman...this was a hoot but also so sad. You have an awesome sense of humor and can write your ass off. There were so many hilarious and sarcastic remarks. I liked this one..."Uh, I think you are a little far back there Henry, that's the wrong hole!" Henry's ineptitude was mind boggling. The meshing of the two stories was seamless. What a pleasure to read a story written by a pro! I was laughing out loud cuz the details were so on point. It is disappointing that IC never had dialogue where Bette questioned Tina concerning their finances or Tina's exploration of men. I've read some fanfic in which the authors have Tina saying that Bette told her to men. But Bette clearly said that's NOT what she wants but felt she couldn't demand Tina not to do such a thing. I believe Bette wanted Tina to care about their relationship and work things out. Oh, well..S3 was abysmal except for a few pockets of happiness. I hope S4 is a vast improvement.
06/11/2006 ,
15:04:06 PM From:
wildtouch Comments:
ok......this has to be the most amazing fic ive ever read....."you smell like man balls."....RFLMFAO........gosh, i bow to you.....absolutely amazingly funny as hell......bravo bravo bravo........
06/11/2006 ,
15:08:37 PM From:
obzidian Comments:
Sea, you had me ROTFLMAO with Tina and Henry hearing voices!! "I see Bette people.." LOL!!! Wonderful writing as usual and once again demonstrates the sense of humour you have although it is a sad story.
06/11/2006 ,
15:39:33 PM From:
seven Comments:
Very funny indeed, and thank you for addressing the mone issue. First order for Bette is to remove Tina's name from all of HER assets. :-)
06/11/2006 ,
15:47:24 PM From:
BetteAndTinaForever Comments:
oh man, this was something...have to agree with bette though, what happened to all the money? i think you should continue, find some way to get them back maybe...see, i'm such a hopeless tibetter LOL
06/11/2006 ,
16:46:01 PM From:
Keisha Comments:
lmao'If only that had happened! ...maybe it could happen in s4, bette be voice within their bedroom, when they are about too .. [dare I say it]
06/11/2006 ,
16:50:47 PM From:
slipperynipple Comments:
utter genius!!! This shit should be illegal how good it was....
06/11/2006 ,
16:56:22 PM From:
fergz1 Comments:
Seahurst...you always make me happy. That was the best laugh I've had in days. Thank you for that.
06/11/2006 ,
17:49:45 PM From:
smiley Comments:
that was to funny! Sea, you are an amazing writer!
06/11/2006 ,
17:57:50 PM From:
trecelovinit Comments:
Brilliant, my friend!!!
06/11/2006 ,
18:00:14 PM From:
susannah Comments:
yeah this was pretty funny all right, I am surprised that both Tina and Henry didn't run shrieking into the night after all that!!!! But the question remains, and one I had after tina was sooo broke after she left the first time. If she had indeed worked most of the time,yet Bette paid for everything,plus had Tina's name on all the assets, what happened to Tina's money?
06/11/2006 ,
18:29:41 PM From:
Paula53 Comments:
"You smell like man balls"....I love this Seahurst.....some crazy shit and you are one pissed off TLW watcher!!!I don't know if I can watch season 3 again either. I loved so much of it but absolutely loathed what they have done to Tina. I count on you and the other fanfiction writers to keep Bette and Tinal alive!
06/11/2006 ,
18:31:12 PM From:
sfdf5 Comments:
Looks like you and lastkid are starting to have a lot in common...like Tina hating! poor laurel
06/11/2006 ,
18:58:32 PM From:
BowlingMad Comments:
"you smell like man balls" made me laugh endlessly - Damn! that was funny.
06/11/2006 ,
19:36:55 PM From:
Jwet Comments:
Bravo, I bow to the master.
06/11/2006 ,
19:53:49 PM From:
Dainty Comments:
I don't think anyone could have done a better job of this. I had also wondered what had become of Tina's money that she earned and why she was supposed to have been broke. What a little bitch and I have always loved Tina with Bette. But right now, I would like to just whack her one across her little butt. This was hilarious and so well written, I could see all of it happening. Great job Seahurst.
06/11/2006 ,
19:59:59 PM From:
AmandaMG Comments:
SEA... what can i say... they said it all... i also bow down to you...
06/11/2006 ,
21:02:05 PM From:
wildchildivy Comments:
salut...tht was amazing chap sea u are sucha versatile writer it was like scary l word jus like scary movies you did a really good job
06/11/2006 ,
23:04:05 PM From:
techgal Comments:
Henry cannot catch a break in your stories can he, Seahurst? What did Tina do with all her money? She certainly didn't spend it on clothes or a car. Thanks for the levity!
06/11/2006 ,
23:18:01 PM From:
wizard1 Comments:
OK I didn't finish the story, but the dialogue between T & H on the first page reminds me of "Dodgeball", way to funny and awesome (Touche). Thanks. Gotta go back.
06/12/2006 ,
02:02:19 AM From:
NYGayLady Comments:
Hahah... man balls... gross. Sea, somehow you always start out grossing me out with straight sex, make me laugh in the middle at straight sex, and end up with me feeling like Bette has gotten some of her dignity back. I'm a big believer in Tibette, but your stories TOTALLY cater to my current feelings toward Tina. Great as always!
06/12/2006 ,
07:34:56 AM From:
artgirl Comments:
This is just so friggin funny. Really really nice job. Love the voices in thier heads!
06/12/2006 ,
11:19:28 AM From:
strtgirl1 Comments:
Seahurst, I read the last page of your story, For some reason I cant bring myself to read it, Since I started reading fanfiction way way back, I believe you are one of the most talented writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. It seems this past year, I am not sure if it is because you were so dissapointed in S3 or what, but you seem to be so harsh in your stories, I am not criticiing you, thats what makes you so talented, that you can be so diversified, Its just I love your romantic stories, and I hope one day you will come back with another beautiful story like If it is meant to be.
06/12/2006 ,
11:33:27 AM From:
prasnil Comments:
Wow Sea. You are the master! Awesome! That was just hilarious. LMAO. Thanks!!!
06/12/2006 ,
13:31:51 PM From:
Madcapper Comments:
That was hilarious. Yes where Tina's money went is a big mystery.. Maybe she is supporting her wolverine family...
06/12/2006 ,
19:27:57 PM From:
hope4tb Comments:
WELL DONE!!!! LMAO... THANK YOU, SEA! You are truly the master!!!
06/12/2006 ,
23:18:23 PM From:
equinoxgirl Comments:
Mean Funny! Ok young lady NO more s3 viewing for you. Find your happy place, and bring peace and love B&T universe!
06/13/2006 ,
12:48:41 PM From:
coop Comments:
Why don't you just tell us how you really feel. Too funny, but sad. I would have thrown the mattress out too, along with a few people.
06/13/2006 ,
14:09:25 PM From:
robbeedee Comments:
Thank you, Sea for such a hysterical and hilarious tale. It had me laughing my head off. Not good when you are in work. Brilliant, Brava!! Your Loyal Fan
06/18/2006 ,
12:55:53 PM From:
ut Comments:
Damn this is so funny and sad for Bette, damn Tina is a selfish bitch and make Bette like a poor. Thanks for the awesome story!!!!!
07/07/2006 ,
11:02:46 AM From:
Rau Comments:
hilarious......
08/06/2007 ,
14:16:46 PM From:
Kendra35 Comments:
Urg. I know that this is a joke but I'm still seing my meal getting pretty cozy on the floor. You certainly shouldn't be allowed to watch season 3!
