"You told Tina what?" Bette hollered, towering over Alice.

Bette, Alice, Lara and Shane were at Shane's house, having gone there after leaving The Planet, giving Bette time to cool down, and Alice to come up with a really good excuse on their way over.

It was not enough time.

Alice shrank into her seat. "I didn't tell Tina anything, I told Helena--"

"Helena is Tina's best friend at the moment, so I'm going to take it as telling Tina." Bette inched closer to Alice, menacing in her stance, as both Shane and Lara moved away slightly. "How could you tell Helena that I've had sex in recent months?"

"That's not a secret," Alice argued weakly. "Besides, you haven't been very discreet about it, and Tina knows."

"Well, I've insinuated. I never declared."

"Porter, Blondie knows you like the back of her hand. You think it's a surprise to her?"

"Shut up."

"I'm just saying--"

"Why now, Al?"

"Why not now?" Alice returned. She was afraid of Bette, yes, but Helena, and by default, Tina, had pissed her off.

"Alice, you've had two months to rub it in to Tina. I've been hinting at it for two months, and now that we're actually sort of talking again..."

"You're not talking!" Alice exclaimed. "That's what pisses me off, Bette! You're not talking. You're reconciling."

"Alice."

"You can't fool me, Porter. You don't split up with your eight-year partner, spend two months serial dating, stop fooling around, strike up a very cozy friendship with your ex, and suddenly start flirting with random women in the bar!" Alice recanted.

Bette stared at her. "How do you--"

"Three weeks and counting, you go on dates and go home alone." Alice said.

Bette turned to Shane. "Have you--"

Shane raised her hands in surrender. "I haven't told her a thing."

"I just know, okay? Deal with it." Alice told Bette.

"What does this have to do with Tina?"

Alice scoffed. "As if you don't know."

"No, I really don't."

"I know you! I know her. And I know what the signs are, especially when it comes to the two of you." Alice accused. "She said something, did something. She did something that scared you about your feelings for her, and you're in denial, so you're all over these women."

"And how is it your business?" Bette seethed at Alice, thinking of new and inventive ways to make Alice suffer.

"Well, you know, I don't really approve, or anything, but if you decide you want to try dating TK, you both should know what the deal is, and about the competition."

"Oh, so you were helping me out." Bette said flatly.

"Yes! Exactly!" Alice exclaimed, suddenly relieved to be back in Bette's good graces.

"Giving me information, and all that." Bette continued.

"See?" Alice beamed. "Because if you know what's up, you'll know what your game's gonna be."

"Of course." Bette said evenly.

"I'm all about fighting the good fight, baby." Alice grinned, pleased with herself. "Now, no need to thank me..."

"Oh, Alice, but of course I should thank you." Bette replied.

"Nah," Alice feigned modesty.

"So thanks, Al, for helping me out." Bette searched her pockets.

"Losing something?" Lara asked.

"Yeah," Bette turned back to Alice. "I'm all out of blue ribbons so you're just going to have to live with a lifetime supply of my foot up your ass!" Bette yelled at Alice, who cowered back into her chair. "Al, are you deliberately trying to completely ruin all my chances with Tina?"

"Look, she's been dating, okay? And if you two decide to work this out, you're both going to have to deal with the fact that you have been seeing other people." Alice pointed out.

"That's our business!"

"But isn't it good to know that she's been dating men and women?" Alice asked.

Bette's eyes flashed with fury.

"Not 'good' like 'yay!' but 'good', like now you have ammo, or a plan, or..." Alice shot Shane and Lara a glance. "Help, you two?"

"Give her the lifetime supply." Shane told Bette.

Alice sent her a look of loathing.

"Did Tina tell you who she's been dating, or did that come from Helena?" Bette grilled Alice.

"Of course it came from Helena," Alice answered.

****

"You told Alice what?" Tina shrieked at Helena, surprising the brunette.