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Of Me... Chapter 3 by TMerlin Page 7

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  You don't know what I've lost, the family I had that now I can picture only in my mind's eyesomething I yearn to view and yet struggle to put out of my head and heart because it's so damn painful.  You cannot understand the loss and my powerlessness in the face of itthere's nothing, nothing I can do"


 


LILY-  "You're right, I don't understand.  There's always something that one can do.  I wouldn't confuse 'powerlessness' with cowardice if I were you.  Or you really did just choose the Whitney, God help us all, over all that you left behind." 


 


BETTE-  "What?!  I can't believe you're saying that to me"  (Bette shakes her head but she can't find the right responsefor some reason she's not finding the words to counter this egregious attack on her choices and way of dealing with things.  Lily interrupts yet again) 


 


LILY-  (She gets intense and raises her hands, shaking them mildly)  "Tell me something, what is it about you, apart from what's obvious, that made your last lover fall in love with you?  Do you know what it is?"


 


BETTE-  "I'm not the one who made the huge mistake of falling in love with me, so you're asking the wrong person."


 


LILY-  "No, actually I think you know, I think you can figure it out, and I think it's about time you reminded yourself of what it was within you that you gave, that you extended, that you sharedwhat was it of yourself that sent her falling, and falling hard I imagineand what was it that kept you together for over eight years?  What is it in you that makes you weep at the thought of the child you left behind Bette?  What is it that, as you say, haunts you?  What will haunt herif not now, then one day?"


 


BETTE-  "Did I mention I barely know you, that we just met last night, and that we're almost total strangers?"


 


LILY-  "Did I mention that, on the time and space continuum, a connection between two human beings knows no such bounds?"


 


BETTE-  "I think you took one too many hallucinogens."


 


LILY-  "I think you haven't taken enough."


 


BETTE-  "I don't need any.  I'm well grounded in reality."


 


LILY-  "Were you not listening to my tirade a few minutes ago?  You're actually not grounded in anything of the sortyou're in fact way off track as far as truth and reality are concerned."


 


BETTE-  (Glaring at her)  "Oh, so now I'm a liar and living in denial?"


 


LILY-  "Just because you're mostly lying to yourself doesn't mean you're more redeemable than the cad who lies to those around him or, worse, to those whom he loves."


 


BETTE-  (Voice rising)  "Oh for fuck sakes"  (She raises her head totally upright, looks at Lily in indignation and then stands.)


 


LILY-  "No, for truth sakes.  It's not my place to lecture you, but if we're going to communicate I haven't any more patience for fallacy than I do for offbeat musicians in my orchestra."


 


BETTE-  (Angrily)  "Well I'm not a piece in your orchestra, Lily!"


 


LILY-  "No, you're a slightly hung over museum director of such arresting beauty that I cannot understand my inability to fall madly in love with you, though simultaneously being quite adept at angering and repelling you more quickly than most other people I typically meet."


 


BETTE-  (Somewhat thrown)  "What?"


 


LILY-  "I'll be damned if I knowplease drink your coffeeI'll start calling you Lizzy if you don't"  (Bette's eyes intensify and her eyebrows come together.  She's all at once annoyed and confused.  She's not sure whether to laugh, cry, yell, turn around and leave, or walk up to this very odd woman and embrace her.  She's confounded.)  "Please Bette..."  (Bette shakes her head and runs her hands through her hair.  She walks over and joins Lily on the island.)


 


BETTE-  (She squints at Lily, shakes her head, and cautiously asks)  "Your 'inability' to fall madly in love with me?"


 


LILY-  "Mmm.  What is it Bette that makes one human encounter a love affair but makes another so thoroughly not so?"


 


BETTE-  "Chemistry, I guess, at least as far as the sexual attraction is concerned.  Why, what do you think it is?"


 


LILY-  "Chemistry?  Well that's sad.  I haven't a clue, but I thought it was destiny, fate, and what have you."


 


BETTE-  "So, we're not destined to be lovers?"


 


LILY-  "No."


 


BETTE-  "What is our fate then?"


 


LILY-  "Alas, forever friendship."


 


BETTE-  "How do you know?  After this conversation, you're lucky if I ever speak to you again."  (Lily isn't looking at her and Bette isn't sure what to say, but looking at Lily for a couple of moments she's feeling oddly enamored with her though not sexually so.  She tries to lighten the mood.)  "Besides, you haven't even told me my fortune yet."


 


LILY-  "Finish drinking the coffee and we'll see."


 


(The intense conversation was finally moving on.  Lily wasn't quite sure why she went so far with Bettemuch sooner than she usually does with people.  Lily still loved her mother dearly, but was terribly hurt by the past.  She had become in her life the sort of person who lives in the moment, lives passionately, and lives large.  She was very sensitive, and her intense feelings led to both great music, great friendships, and great lovesbut also immense break ups, break downs, and extreme emotions.  She was brilliant, yet somehow confused in her thoughts, disciplined yet scatter brained, a force of nature, yet a most delicate spiritshe was wild but particularly in matters of the heart she could be easily tamed as well as devastated.  Bette felt drawn to her, angry at her, passionate about her, but she wasn't aroused by Lilly in any way other than spiritually.  Lily had made her want to cry.  Now, Lily made Bette want to love her, though she knew that Lily was right about their fate.  At least, thought Bette, though reminding her of things she wanted to leave behind, in a curious way she was also helping her withstand the feelings that ran deep, painfully deep.)


 


BETTE-  "What are you up to today?"


 


LILY-  "Well, if you're game, I'll take you with me to an antiques auction in Chelsea."


 


BETTE-  "Sure."


 


LILY-  "AndI have tickets to a really weird off Broadway play.  A friend of mine is the artistic director, and I can get seats whenever I want.  I was going to go with Miranda and Julie.  Would you like to join us?"


 


BETTE-  "You know Miranda?"


 


LILY-  "Yes.  Not long after she started at the museum, Justin brought her to one of my concerts.  Julie couldn't stop laughing at my antics, and Miranda is my straight man, so we get along quite well.  Justin's wife had been the only other person able to withstand me so adeptly, but she sadly passed away.  Now she was a beautiful woman, in mind, body and spirit.  Anyway, whenever I'm in New York for longer stretches, we make a point of going out together with Miranda and her mate Julie.  So, care to join us?"


 


BETTE-  "I'd like that, yes."


 


LILY-  "It's a date then.  Well, you know what I mean."


 


BETTE-  "Lily, I don't think I'll ever understand you entirely.  I don't know that anyone can."


 


LILY-  "I'm really quite two dimensional.  A woman like you should be able to see right through me."


 


BETTE-  (Bette smiles)  "Are you going to tell me my future now?"


 


LILY-  (She looks at Bette and then takes her cup and saucer.  She quickly flips the cup over onto the saucer so as to spill as little of the grinds or the sludge as possible.)  "Now, we wait for the stuff on the bottom to slide down the walls of the cup onto the saucer.  Then, when we turn over the cup, I can tell your future."


 


BETTE-  "That's got to be the most bizarre technique I've ever heard of."


 


LILY-  "It works too."  (They chat for a bit and then Lily looks at the cup.)  "Ready madam?"  (Bette nods.  Lilly turns the cup over and holds it in her hands.  She looks around the inside of the cup, looking as though she is deciphering the images created on the wall of the cup by the falling coffee grinds.




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