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Title: Of Me...
Author: TMerlin  [ Send a Private Message ]
Copyright: Most characters and part of the plot are Showtime's, other characters and the rest of the plot belongs to me.
Content Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: N/A
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading the Valediction story (as well as Journeys), and thank you for all your posts, most recently chapter 2 of Valediction, which I hope to reply to separately at some point. I greatly appreciate your comments and the fact that you all took the time to insert them. I hope you like this new story and first chapter, and I'm curious to see what you think. I'm not sure what to tell you before you start reading this...I hope you don't find it too heavy or bland...it's not quite a 'fun' type of story, though I hope it works as a good read. Hopefully you'll find this a little less predictable than the rainstorm scenes and monologues of the last Valediction chapter. This story can't finish in just a couple of chapters, so please let me know what you think- if needed I can put it and me out of our collective misery instead of needlessly going on with my version of the continuing saga of B&T. As always, I really look forward to reading your comments. They make the experience worthwhile. As for the title, it's what I happened to come up with, and hopefully it'll make sense at some point. So, here goes...

Summary: This story picks up as we're approaching the end of season 3 and start of the 4th, and a valediction in the making.
Total Views: 6543 times.

Of Me... by TMerlin Page 1

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Bette was sitting on the couch, holding Angelica, holding her snugly, looking at her eyes and her face.  She was stroking her head and her little face, and as Angelica revelled in Bette's attention and touch, Bette's tears flowed down her face.


 


BETTE-  "I love you.  I will always love you.  Nothing will ever change that.  Little one you've changed my life.  I'm so sorry I messed things upI messed them up before you were born, but now everything I did to fix it doesn't seem to make a difference.  I will remember you always.  Please God let her remember me.  Please"  (The front door is being unlocked and the unwanted visitor, though loved, is at this moment harkening a dark fate.  She isn't welcome, for no other reason than solely because of the task before her.)


 


KIT-  (She gazes upon Bette and the child and her heart sinks.  She slowly approaches and sits down next to Bette.  Bette doesn't move her own gazeit stays with Angelica.  Kit slowly places her arm around Bette and rubs her back gently.)  "I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry that you're going through this.  I've thought and I have prayed for a way to change this but I just don't know what else I or anyone can do.  I wish there was something I could doyou know that I and your friends would move heaven and earth if there was a way to fix this huge mess the two of you and this child are in.  You did the right thing bringing her back.  Taking her from her mother was not


 


BETTE-  (She turns abruptly and speaks intensely)  "I'm her mother KitI was her mother too.  How is it right?  The 'right thing'?  Is this the right thing?  She is going to take her away from me.  She is going to take Angelica out of my life.  I won't get to see her or hold her or be there for her or help raise her"


 


KIT-  "Don't be ridiculousthere's no way she doesn't want you to be a part of her life"


 


BETTE-  "As what Kit?  As an old friend she once knew really well?  As a woman she once loved and whom now will only let her say hello on occasion to her daughter?  As the woman who shared her bed once and the dream to have a child together?  As the woman who partook of this child's coming into being but who is now and forever will be an acquaintance on the periphery of this child's life?"


 


KIT-  "Bette you took her child from her and you're suing her for sole custody, how did you expect her to react?"


 


BETTE-  "I tried to stop the papersit was too late"


 


KIT-  "What's done is done.  This isn't a lover's game baby sister, you're messing with her child.  But there's no way that taking Angelica away from you, a significant presence in her life, is something Tina would have even thought of doing long-termnot without what you did.  Don't you see?  You threatened her by doing all thisthreatened a mother at her very essence.  All this talk of her's about changing the custody arrangementsit can't be what's really in her heart.  Bette, you shared a bed, a relationship, a life together as lovers, as partnersfor over 8 yearsand you shared the creation of this child as parents.  She won't throw that away"


 


BETTE-  "But she has.  She threw our family awayshe has destroyed it."


 


KIT-  "Now hold on, it's not that straightforward.  You can't blame her for all that's happened.  You know very well that things were unstable and you two were on thin ice a lot of the time long before this weird man-phase she started going through.   I don't know what the hell has been going on between you both these past many months, not to mention the stuff before that, and while in my heart of hearts I don't understand how the love that somehow I know is still there is being torn apart, let's not re-write history while were at ityou both failed each other, and I love you both but you have made me so angry watching the two of you let each other and your family down."


 


BETTE-  (Bette looks at Angelica.)  "I love her so much Kit.  I don't know what to do."


 


KIT-  "I know sweetie, I know.  But right now you need to do the right thing.  You're going to have to hand her over to me so I can take her to her mother.  She's waiting.  The longer we delay the worse it's going to be."


 


BETTE-  (She doesn't move and doesn't waiver her gaze from Angelica.)  "Kit"


 


KIT-  "Yes babysis?"


 


BETTE-  "I can't"  (she shakes her head)  "I can'tpleaseI can't moveplease, you'll have to take her from my armsI can't do it myself"  (Kit fights the lump in her throat and her eyes water at the sight and sound of this pending separation and departure.  Bette hugs Angelica close to her, then lowers her.  She strokes her face and kisses her slowly on the forehead.)  "I love you."  (Kit, slowly and gently, moves her arms around Angelica as Bette holds her.  She waits a moment and Bette starts to slowly loosen the protective hug and the holding-on.  As Bette's arms continue to let go, ever so slowly and painfully, Kit increases her hold on Angelica.  Slowly, Kit starts to remove Angelica from her devastated mother's embrace.  As the child is slowly breaking free from the arms of the wreckage of a woman who loved and loves her like no other, Bette sighs and a barely audible vocal note of intense pain is heard and she starts to cry so hard that her voice cannot be used let alone heard.  Kit doesn't slow down for fear that this would be the only way to do perform this tearing apart of the love she had thought months ago would last forever.  She gets up, tears in her eyes, and walks out the door.  Kit walks towards the car, and as she sees her approach, Tina exits and stands there beholding the fruits of the past few daysa heart-wrenching view of Kit walking a sort of last mile with her beloved daughter in her armsa daughter she knew was moments ago surrendered by the woman she knew, deep down, loved her like the little girl was the best part of her.  Tina had been angry but there was no anger she could muster at this site.  Her tears ran freely as Kit approached and as Kit stood before her and pierced her eyes with all the pain that was borne of Kit's unwanted duties that day, Tina shook her head and cried. 


 


KIT-  (Kit hugged Angelica one last time and kissed her) "I love you baby-girl." (She whispered) "Goodbye my love"  (She then placed her into Tina's arms, healing the frantic want that they exuded.)


 


TINA-  (She hugs Angelica, holds her closely, kisses her, and kisses her again and again and cries.  She looks up at Kit and they both find themselves staring into tear ravaged eyes, gazes that punished their beholders because they knew that these glances were but a hint of the pain being endured.  And as Tina looked into kit, she was somehow also getting a glimpse of another's painshe couldn't pretend that Bette's pain was foreign to her now, even though she had taken her in the nightTina was a walking bundle of anger, of pain, of hurt, of love destroyed, and yet no words could be spoken beyond the essentials.)  "I'm sorryI'm sorry you had to do thisI'm sorryI know you love her too.  Goodbye Kit.  I love you."


 


KIT-  (She fights the re-emerging lump that's been reeking havoc in her throat these past two days)  "I love her very much and I love you, you know thatbut I just came from what I can only describe right now as a funeralmy baby sister's spirit died as I took this angel from herit's like she lost everything in that one gesture of letting go.  If you can fix thisif there's any way you can bring yourself to forgive her for what she did last night and whatever else she's done and let her be a part of this child's life, I will do anything you want.  Anything"  (She starts to lose her voice and shakes her head.  Kit starts to cry and can't face the image of Tina with Angelica in her arms any longershe turns to leave and heads towards the house.  Tina is devastated and tries to speak but her voice is quashed by the tears, the cryingand as she looks towards the direction in which Kit is headedshe looks up to see a battered and beaten Bette Porter, barely able to stand in the threshold of her home, holding on to the side of the doorway to hold herself up, crying.  Tina raises her hand up to her mouth as she cries and lets out a painful whimper at seeing this.  She turns quickly to run from the scene and gets into the car where Alice, tears impeding her vision and streaming down her face, starts the car and wiping her eyes, commences the drive.)


 


ALICE-  "Fuck, just fuck thisI love you, I love her, I love all three of youthis is so fucked.  This is totally fucked up."  (That was it.  Neither of them could say anything more, and neither of them could stop the cryingin a bitter silence.)


 


(Kit walked back to the house to find her sister in the same place, just inside the doorway, but now on the floor and inconsolable.  She walks in, and as she attempts to close the door, Shane intercepts.  She had been watching from the front of her house.  Kit nods to acknowledge her and Shane walks in and closes the door.  Shane and Kit bend down to the awful wreck of the woman in front of them, and Kit takes Bette in her arms and rocks her while Shane rubs her back.  Bette cries, but she now cries aloud.  The strength that managed to keep her from collapsing all this time had waned.  There was nothing else now, nothing to hold her togetheronly Kit's sisterly and motherly embrace and the touch of Shane.)


 


 


(In the car, not a word more had been said between them as Alice drove on.  Tina was staring out the window, the tears just streaming, drying up, and streaming down her face some more.  Tina pulled out her cell phone.




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