Loving forward to the future -- Chapter four

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Bette's POV

If I'm going to ask her to re-take our vows it has to be right. Its now Wednesday and I've been making plans since yesterday afternoon when I made the decision. The only person I've told is Shane because I need her help. She suggests the perfect way to get Tina out of the way is for me to buy three day passes at the local health club and Carmen will pass them off as some perk of her job and ask Tina to tag along. So this morning I drive Tina, Carmen and Alice to be spoilt at my expense. I've told Tina that I'm working and I have an article to finish by Friday and I need to make some progress.

I call in on my cookery teacher and ask him about the menu that I'm planning -- he takes pity on me and helps me with a menu that is simple, delicious and I know I can pull off.

It's a symbolic thing for me -- if I can successfully fed her then I can make our marriage work because last time I couldn't do either.

The biggest hell is the music - it has to be something new - we've both done the big romantic gesture before and we've used what we regard as our favourite love songs too many times -- and again it has to be something that isn't associated with our past and the most important thing is that it has to say everything that I need to tell Tina but I can't find the words. I go through our entire music collection and I hit a big fat zilch. Nothing says what I need it to say.

In desperation I'm on the internet trawling through every radio station I can find. I really want it to be something that she's never heard before -- a new start deserves a new song for us.

By lunchtime I haven't found the track but I'm rehearsing the souffl -- why did I think that was a good idea ?

Because Tina's loves it that's why.

I go in the shower to cool down - I'm just rinsing my hair when the internet radio station I've got blaring through the house starts a track -- I hear the first three lines and I'm out of the shower running naked and soapy through to the laptop.

I listen to the rest of the track and I have to sit down because I'm crying so much - it says everything I want . I write down the artist and CD and return to my shower.

Shane is going to pick the girls up later and is taking Tina's favourite white dress - she'll tell her that I'll met her at the house and take her out to dinner to wine and dine her.


She comes over just before 6 and finds me in the kitchen working on desert.

"Hey man "


"Hi Shane -- how's it going ?"


"Better than you -- why didn't you just take her out for dinner instead of doing this to yourself "


She gestures to the kitchen -- Tina's perfect kitchen that looks like a mini tornado has hit it - which it has -- Storm Force Porter.

"Because I'm going to ask her to marry me again and it has to be perfect "



"Wasn't your constant, obsessive striving for perfection what got you both into trouble the last time ?"

I look at her --she is so cool and for someone as young and as tortured she is wiser than anyone other than Tina.

"Lets go outside with a beer -- I think everything is under control "

We sit beside the pool dangling our feet in the water drinking beer.

"With everything that's been happening I've lost touch with how you and Carmen are doing "


"She's great "


"And how has your harem reacted to Shane being off limits ?"



"They cope "

Its hard to know much about Shane but it doesn't stop the theories. Tina thinks she's in awe of me, I think she might be awe of me but she's in love with Tina. Tina is the mother figure that Shane has never had and craves.

"I never thanked you for being there for Tina and me . She told me you were the only one on my side from the start "

"I couldn't see you guys throw it all away "

"I threw it away Shane "


"The hell -- Tina screwed up too " it's a rare outburst and I let it pass. But for once Shane has stuff to say.

"I mean I'd see you round and you looked so dead . One night even Kit cut you down - man that was wrong - regardless of what you did"

"Everyone was mixed up by what had happened between T and me"

"You are both family "

"She needed you all "


"And you didn't ?"


"Of course I did - I was so determined to punish myself that not seeing any of you was what I needed to happen."


"Then she started with that bitch "


"Well that didn't thrill me but I'd have hated anyone who Tina started seeing "

"And now you're where you are both meant to be -- its so cool "

I finally say the one thing that has been in my head all day.

"What if she says no Shane ?"

"Why would she ?"

"Because we're still rebuilding "

"If Tina hadn't been committed to you like never before she'd never had dressed like that yesterday "

I blush and Shane laughs " I got a view and a half "

"Did the others ?" I worry about Alice giving Tina grief about it.

"Dana wouldn't notice anything right now and Alice was too busy trying to work out whether you'd had sex or not "

"Tina said yesterday that we shouldn't hide what had happened between us because of what our relationship means to the whole gang "

"She's right - man in the first few days it was like we'd all lost something - everyone was crying "

"Even you ?" I tease

Shane gets up " Especially me "

I get up and face her as she talks.

" You two are the most solid thing in my life. All of the gang are but you two -- every night I'd bring some new chick home and I'd pass your window and you two would be getting ready to share the same bed with the same person -- of course I want that "

I take hold of her carefully - you have to handle Shane like fine porcelain.

" And you've got it with Carmen -- she's your Tina you know that "

And in that instant is the connection between the three of us -- Tina loves Shane because she sees me in her - the barriers stopping the cruel world harming a fragile soul and I see myself in Shane -- the pre Tina model.

Shane accepts a small hug and sets off to pick up the pampered trio. I make a start on tidying the kitchen - how did I make such a mess ?


I'm just finishing when my mobile rings three times and stops. That 's the sign that they are on the way back - the souffl has 15 minutes and Tina has ten. I hurry into the bedroom and change - black slacks, casual sandals and grey blouse. I brush my hair out and I'm just fixing my earrings when the mobile rings twice and stops - the first course has 10 minutes and Tina has five and its right on schedule.

The final five minutes are the longest in my life. I terrified of going into the kitchen in case I cause some disaster to befall the souffl .

I don't want to go by the pool where the table is in case I don't hear her come in the house. I have to be there waiting for her - when I asked her to marry me five years ago I was 30 minutes late picking her up because of work - I'm just not going to jinx this proposal.

When the phone rings once and stops I'm actually shaking. If she says no I just don't know how I'd pick myself off the floor.

Finally the door opens and Tina is standing there in her beautiful white cotton dress that shows off every amazing curve of her body. Her hair is hanging loose and she's wearing heels .

"Hey babe -- I've had an amazing day -- I'm so looking forward to dinner -- are you ready ?"

I step forward " This way Ms Kennard "


I hold out my hand and she takes it and giggles.

"Where are we going babe ?"

"Right here " I lead her through the house

"Wow something smells amazing "

We step onto the patio and my perfect setting for a proposal. I've moved all the usual furniture and there is one table in the middle of the patio - complete with white table cloth. Everything is lit by 50 lanterns with candles inside - I've draped silver and gold lights round the trees and bushes so it looks like a million fireflies are lighting up our evening . The whole atmosphere is intimate and I hope magical. I've moved a CD player outside and there are three discs in the player. I take the remote and hit button 1 - Tina's favourite relaxing CD.

We sit down and I take hold of her hand

" I've been lying to you for a few months T "

Her face falls - I know she fears the worst - a replay of our worst moments.


"I haven't been teaching for two hours on a Tuesday -- I've been taking a cookery class and tonight is the debut menu of Bette Porter"

Her face clears and she laughs "Bette ! "

"All I can say in my defence before you eat is that I am doing this for love . I will never be the chef that you are but I do want to be able to feed us. When you're carrying the baby I don't want you to have to come home and cook for both of us -- and when the baby arrives we're only going to want to be here with the three of us "

She looks utterly speechless - I kiss her hand .

" I'm going to get the first course "

I go in the kitchen and say a prayer - please make this okay. Just this course - I only want this to be right. As I lift them out and I see that they are perfect I actually feel tears welling up. How can Bette Porter the bully of the CAC be sweating over a starter ?

I carry the two dishes out and place them in front of Tina and I know the answer to my earlier question. Because the old Bette was so consumed by ambition and self loathing that she almost lost the best thing that had ever happened to her.

"Bette this looks amazing "


"Try it before you say that "

I joke sitting facing her and pouring us two glasses of chilled white wine from the ice bucket at my feet. She takes her spoon and presses it into the surface -- it bursts as she digs the spoon in and takes a mouthful.

Last night I had a nightmare where she is wearing the same dress and when she starts on the first course she's engulfed in smoke and when the smoke clears its Helena -- yeah Carolyn had a ball with that little gem.

I watch her eat and she's grinning

" Another Bette triumph"

"Really -- you like it ?"

"Its gorgeous --" she takes some of hers and offers it to me - I take a bite -- wow Porter -- not at all bad. I start on mine but I can't take my eyes off Tina and not for all the usual horny reasons but because she's eating something that I cooked that isn't toast, a sandwich or tacos.

"How was your day at the pamper centre ?"


"Oh it was wonderful - Alice was so funny -- she .. "

And I sit and listen to her telling some insane Alice story and we are both laughing and its wonderful - this is what its all for. So we can spend the rest of our lives sharing chats like these . Of course its about sex and our physical need for the other but its also about simple moments like this. We are laughing so much that it takes my by surprise when she puts her spoon down and I see that she's eaten the whole starter.

"Eight years and I discover another talent " 

I brush her hair from her eyes and lean in for a kiss.

"Well I've only done all this because I was sick of not getting all the reward kisses that you do when you cook "

I say slyly claiming her lips for a soft kiss.

"if you that was the starter I'll double the reward kisses for the next course " she whispers into my mouth.

I almost bolt into the kitchen for the main course -- monksfish . I feel on almost confident ground here - It was the first thing I learnt to cook and I can recite the recipe in my sleep.

Tina takes two mouthfuls and lean across and kisses me for several minutes.