Title: I Fall Behind pt.3 Author: 7PM  [ Send a Private Message ] Copyright: it's nominally mine, but for Zen Buddhists out there, it's ours :) Content Rating: PG Disclaimer: Although these characters seem suspiciously unlike Ilene Chaiken's creations, they really are hers. Author's Note: Bette and Tina will meet face to face soon! But not tonight coz all my muscles are sore from building a house. This will be a quiet compelling piece giving you an inner look into the mind of a complicated, fascinating, and heartwrenching woman... I hope :) Summary: The night before the appointed time. B/T Total Views: 3016 times. I Fall Behind pt.3 by 7PM Page 1 Print This Page Previous page | 1 | Next page    Join L-word.com PREMIER for exclusive fan fic writers and readers chat!

Previously:     Bette silently sighed in relief but outwardly simply smiled. Sometimes, she thought, sometimes having a reputation for dense-ness is nothing short of a divine blessing.     They finished their light meal of salads and soup, paid the bill, then left in separate cars, both shaking their heads slightly at the prodigy that is Bette Porter.     Evening falls over LA like a heavy woolen blanket, with tiny holes. Bette smiled inwardly at her analogy. The holes were the lights one could see from outside her apartment window, visible above the midnight dark. A streaking line caused by a passing car's headlight would probably be a rip. Bette wondered why any diety would choose to drape LA with a tattered old blanket, but that's why she's a mere kink in this mortal coil and the said diety is enjoying eternal Paradise.      Paradise, Bette mused. What might paradise be for me? I'm sitting here in front of my window, looking out at artificial lights, concocting silly analogies. "Paradise for me would be a dictionary opened to a picture of the Garden of Eden," Bette laughed quietly to herself. "And it is a snapshot in time, with no tomorrow in sight...  No tomorrow to scare me sleepless tonight. Oh God what am I saying?" Bette suddenly stood up and paced to the opposite wall.     "Listen," she addressed the wall, "I'm going to be pacing here all night. Feel free to fall on top of me anytime." Bette commenced pacing. "Okay," she started trying to sort things out. "Okay, so tomorrow night, some random woman, some woman I know nearly nothing about, is going to come in here... going to come into my home... Oh God... and she's going to eat my dinner... then, and then..." she took a deep breath as she felt her heart rate speed up, "Then, uh... well, I don't know," Bette giggled helplessly to no one. "Yeah so anyway... Goddammit! Alice you crazy bitch... shit shit shit!!! She hired a fucking escort for me! Oh God!"  she took another deep breath. Closed her eyes. Took another. And another. Until she felt reasonably calmer.     This woman will come into my home, take one look and leave. That's it. Bette stared at her collected artwork, at the little knick knacks she'd collected from her travels abroad, at the sofa, the book shelves, then finally at her bare toes.      "So leave," she declared fiercely under her breath, "Everyone leaves me anyway. But I don't care. I'm fine being alone. I'm a successful career person. I have friends, some, who love me. Uh, I'm close to buying a house! If only it weren't such a bother to look for one. I'm going to Italy for a meeting with the biggest artists' group there! If only I wasn't going just because my boss wants to get me into bed. I'm pretty! If only... if only Candace didn't leave me..." At this point in her impassioned speech, Bette's voice faltered and she slumped down on the couch, suddenly ennervated. "Bette, who are you kidding? This woman will take one look at you, spin around on her heels, and leave. And you'll be glad. Wouldn't you? Yeah," Bette stared hard at the coffee table's polished wooden surface. She noticed how the sworls had a pattern where the darker hues seemed to swallow the lighter mahogany.     Yeah, Bette. You'd be happy to get rid of her... wouldn't you?"     Exhausted and beaten, Bette walked to the bedroom, took a couple of sleeping pills from the bedside table, and lay down on the bed. She carefully popped the pills one by one. She tucked her favorite blanket around her, the one with the jagged lines at the edge. Closing her eyes in defeat, she fingered the lines one by one, counting as she sunk into sleep.     She dreamt of falling into water. She dreamt she had turned into a salmon. She dreamt she was swimming upstream, frantically beating her fins against the heedless current. She saw the flash of scales that moved further and further away, leaving her gasping and tiring, always, inevitably, behind. TBC

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