Chapter 4

Monday Morning

The sun shines through the window, creeping under the blinds and wakes me. For an instant I reach for Tina. Occasionally I do that instinctively, not as much as I used to, perhaps it is back being in our house. I roll onto to my tummy and hold the pillow with both hands momentarily over the back of my head wishing the world to go away. I roll onto my back and looking up at the ceiling and face the truth. As nice as it is to be home, the reason I came home remains unaddressed. I get up and make a coffee, strong and black, French vanilla. Not as good as Tina used to make but nonetheless, good. I dordle out to the back yard and pick up the white fluff ball that approaches me tongue hanging out and at full pace. As yet he is unnamed. I have a long hot shower, God how I missed this shower and the large, white bath towels. As I pick the towel up I notice it smells fresh and all of the towels are in their rightful place. Tina really kept the house up, but why, was she staying here some of the time ? I dressed and approached the table that the piece of paper sat on with Tina's phone number. I resolved today was the day. Three had always been a lucky number and today was the third day I'd been home. Today I will call Tina, all I have to do is work out what to say. (1) "Hi, Tina, it's Bette, I'm home and I'd like to see you. Please call me" (2) Hi Tina, it's me Bette, I'm staying at the house and I'd love to hear from you" (3) Tina, Bette here, just calling to let you know I am back in LA and staying at the house. Call me to sort out the details" On and on what to say runs through my mind. Before I know it is 10:00am. I put the diggy dog down and lift the receiver, what will be will be, I tell myself unconvincingly. I dial the number and Tina's cell begins to ring. Ring, ring, ring.

Tina sauntered out the shower to hear her cell ring, she rushed over to pick it up. It was flashing at her "B&T home calling." Tina looked at it in stunned silence. Tina had decided to take a couple of days of work, given the huge shock she'd had when Bette turned up in LA, she wasn't ready. "I'm not ready," she said out loud. Tina had a split second to make a decision. The phone stopped ringing.

Bette : Damn, message bank. Beep. "Hi, Tee, uh Tina, it's me Bette. I wanted to let you know I am home in LA and staying at the house. I'd like to see you."

The message ended. Tina to herself "Just like that, she disappears for 18 months, sends the odd postcard and just like that she calls, and would to see me ?"

Bette: I resolved to give Tina 24 hours or there abouts. If I don't hear from her in that time I will force the issue a little. I busied myself with unpacking my art and admiring the pieces I'd bought. I see now they reflected where I was at emotionally at the time I bought them. Not that I mind, it is like having a secret story that only them and I share. I stand them along the wall on the floor, thinking where to put them. I look at the clock continuously monitoring how much of the 24 hours is left. It reminds me of those first few weeks after Tina and I separated, how the minutes were agonizing slow when she refused to return calls, I hoped, I prayed but not only did the calls not come but the minutes didn't go any faster. I shake my head at the irony of how 18 months flew by at the time it seemed the longest time in my life. Being in different places and with different faces easied the pain, in the sense it wasn't in my face, it made it easier not to think about it. Seeing Tina with Helena was too much. Helena's smugness about fucking my wife was too much. My cell is ringing. I run to it, Tina, it's probably Tina.

Alice : "Porter, I know you still can't cook, and you have eat, how about lunch ?"

I am disappointed, bitterly it is not Tina, I hadn't realized how disappointed I'd be.

Alice : "Porter, you there, people normally talk to each other on the phone"

Bette : "That's be great Alice" We made arrangements and met for lunch. It was nice the girls had embraced me without questions. Things between us had been strained when I left. Over lunch I learned that Tina had gone back to work and that she was not seeing Helena any more. Thank god for small mercys. I was sure something was going on that no one was telling me about. If Tina had seen or was seeing other people, Alice didn't say, and I didn't ask. It was really beginning to feel like home again.

Tuesday morning : I haven't heard anything form Tina and I don't know what that means. I call Kit. After a long debate she gives me Tina's address, she really didn't wan to, she wanted me to talk to Tina first. I simply told her I tried. I decided to water the plants, tend to their every wound, perhaps it is a way to tend to my own. I figure I'll just drive by Tina's, she will be at work and leave a note, she always did love my hand writing.

I arrive and park out the front, I notice it is lunch time, no car her allotted car park, a few cars on the street. I check out the block of flats, nice but definitely not Helena type nice. I get out the car, hold my pre written note in my hand and approach the door. I do not knock. As I open the screen door the main door opens. Standing in front of me is, is not Tina but a woman hold a small child in one arm and a rubbish bag in the other.

Bette : "Excuse me, I am wondering if I have the right address, I am looking for Tina Kennard."

Samantha : "Yes, you have the right address". The little girl reaches out for Bette and begins to wriggle to get loose to make her way to Bette.

Bette : "Oh, I am Bette Porter, a friend of Tina's"

Samantha : Eyes Bette suspiciously, thinking Tina never mentioned you. "Oh, Tina is just showering, would you like to come in and wait ?"

Bette : Split second decision, I am surprised she isn't at work. "OK, thanks". I go inside and Sam, as she introduced herself tells me to take a seat, she'll just pop the rubbish out and she will be right back. I say in my head, it wasn't 24 hours. As Sam comes back in I realize the table is set, they must be about to eat lunch, is this what people were not telling me ? I decide now is not a good time.

Bette : "You know Sam, I think I might come back another time, seems like I have interrupted and it really wasn't that important"

Sam : "Are you sure, Tina will be out in a minute"

Bette : "really thanks, I'll catch Tina another time. Bette reached out to pick up the little girl who hadn't taken her eyes off Bette. "What a beautiful daughter you have."

Sam : "Thank you, she is beautiful , but she is Tina's daughter."