Chapter 3 - Baby steps in the right direction

When Henry invited Tina to the beach with the children the next day she quickly accepted.
'Is this what I want?' she asked herself that same evening while getting Angie settled for bed. 'Would Bette have a problem with me dating a man? Of course she wouldthat's a stupid question. Okay so I would have to keep this to myself and myself only, no one could know. Not even Shane.'

Tina was just about to continue her mental volleyball when the phone rang.

Noticing the caller id she recognised Bette's cellphone.

"Hi baby," she answered nonchalantly.

"Hi T!" Bette sounded happy.

"How's it going there?" Tina asked not really interested but just out of politeness.

"It's really chaotic but its really not important now, I called because I miss my family! How's my baby and our baby?" Bette asked excitedly.

Tina sighed quietly; she really didn't feel like small talk tonight but she knew she had to try as they were moving further and further apart and it was mostly her doing.

"Hmm we're good. She misses you." Tina replied thoughtfully.

"She does?" Bette sounded surprised, "Does she really? And what about you T, do you miss me?"
This had been the third trip that Bette had taken this month and the month had only just started.

"What kind of a question is that? Of course Angelica misses you Bette and so do I." Tina felt the beginnings of irritation forming lines upon her forehead. Trying her best to discard it she forced herself to focus on the picture of the two of them during happier times that sat on Bette's side of the bed.

"What were you about to do?" asked Tina as she made note of the time and saw that it was still early at nine thirty in the evening.

"Oh nothing really, I had kind of a shitty day so I thought that I would just relax and try to get to bed at a decent hour for a change." Bette sighed.
Even though these out of town art gallery reviews paid lucratively they were extremely hard work requiring her to visit each gallery and their respective displays of works of art.
It was at these times that she really missed the security of the CAC, well at least the fact that she didn't have to travel hours to get to and from work. She did not miss the constant battles with the board members and overly sensitive artists.

"Did I disturb you T?" Bette suddenly had the feeling that maybe Tina didn't want to talk to her now.

"No, no," Tina answered a little to quickly, "I just put Angie to bed and was enjoying the quiet," she responded truthfully this time. Tina actually enjoyed talking to Bette when she was away. It was as if they were able to communicate more easily because they were forced to.

"Have you been sleeping okay?" Tina asked sincerely.

"You know I don't do that well without you baby," Bette answered softly. It was true, neither of them slept well without each other and it was one of the many reasons why Tina had agreed to move back.

"What about you, has she been keeping you up this week?" asked Bette.

"Nah, I think she's getting better, she seems to be sleeping all the way through now. I've only been up at four AM once this week. But I do miss you too," Tina felt herself relaxing and moved herself so that she was now leaning against the headboard of the bed.

Bette felt Tina's emotional shift and sighed audibly at the fact that she was still able to reach at least some small part of her.

"What are your plans for the rest of the week?" Bette asked

"Oh I don't know just yet," Tina lied. She had already decided that she was going to spend the day with Henry at the beach.

Not knowing why and not wanting to know the reasons why, Bette felt that Tina was not being completely truthful.

"We really need to try to tell each other what's going on Tina," Bette said softly again.

"I know," sighed Tina, "It's just" she rubbed her forehead tensely, "It's still hard, and I don't mean to hurt you honestly Bette, it just happens." She continued. Truth was, Tina had never been as open with anyone before in her life, ever. What she had given to Bette, (or maybe Bette took it) was herself completely, without question or hesitation.

When Bette broke that trust, she wondered if she would ever feel complete again. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind that she loved Bette more than anything in the world, 'if she could only get past this fucking trust thing' she thought.

"We just have to take it one day at a time," she said aloud to Bette

'One day at a time,' thought Bette, 'how many more times do I have to hear that whenever she wants to shut me out?' Bette sighed audibly and suddenly found herself feeling exhausted.

"Okaywell I'm gonna turn in for the night Tina," the use of her name was not missed by Tina and she realised that once again she had hurt the person she claimed to love more than life itself.

"Okay babe," Tina sighed, "Call me tomorrow?"

"Sure, Goodnight."

"Sleep well." Tina ended, and once the phone was securely in its cradle said out loud to the room, "God Dammit!"