Tina regarded Bette's form, standing at her window, a sight she had always wanted, but never thought would ever happen. She sat mutely, studying Bette, and thought about what she'd told Shannen. The decisions she made, the reasons why she'd fled the one place she considered her home, and wondered how she could tell all that to Bette.

Bette hesitated, uncomfortable saying what she wanted to say while standing up and looking down at the seated Tina. She glanced around, and did not see a chair near enough. She knew she did not deserve to sit beside Tina on the loveseat, so she did what she felt was her only real option: she knelt on the floor in front of Tina, and supposed it was only fitting, to be on her knees and ask -- no, beg -- for Tina's forgiveness. To beg her to come home. To come back to her. "I'm sorry. I'm really, and truly sorry. I'm sorry that I'm such an asshole that I couldn't read through your anger and recognize the pain behind it. I'm sorry that I could love you so much and hurt you in equal measure. I've told you before that I can apologize and say I'm sorry everyday until I die, I can say it until I'm blue in the face, and it still won't really measure up to how sorry I am and I know that doesn't really matter to you anymore, and I'm sorry that I can never say the right words at the right time and seem to mess things up with the stupid things that I say at random moments it's just that I love you so much and everything I think of saying seems like such a cliche, and wrong, and I before I know it I'm saying something really inappropriate and stupid to you and I don't know, I want to stop, but sometimes you say it's endearing, and in that case I don't want to stop, and the thing is it never happens when I'm talking to other people, just to you, I guess you bring it out of me, out of anyone, really, the way you can just disarm anyone with your smile, your beautiful smile, which I don't want to live a day without, because I can't live another day without you, I never figured out how, and I don't want to learn because I'd rather give everything else up than to be away from you, to not be the woman who wakes up next to you, and I guess my point is I love you, T."

Tina looked as if she were about to cry, but words continued to fail her.

"I love you, T." Bette repeated, before continuing. "And I know last night was a disaster, but I know I can do better. We can do better. We wouldn't be here now if our love's just like everyone else's. I love you. And I know, even though you loathe my very being right now, that you love me too." Bette looked up at Tina. "I'm sorry, T. I will never hurt you like that, or this, ever again. I am absolutely humiliated, saying one thing and proving myself wrong the next. Don't say it's okay, because we both know it's not. That's practically lying, and I do not want to be the woman who lies to you. I am not that woman. Please just trust me, T. Let me show you how great we were, how great we are, how much greater we still can be. And I know I said I'd wait for you forever, but I can't, T. I need you, I need you here, I need you now. So I can't wait."

Tina glanced down, avoiding Bette's gaze as much as she could.

Bette allowed herself the smallest attempt at levity. "So... say something. Say anything."

Tina had been silent all throughout Bette's run-on sentence, but inevitably she blinked, and looked at Bette.

In Tina's gaze, Bette had never felt more naked, more exposed. More vivisected. "Tee?"

"I don't think I want to love you anymore."

If you were to ask Bette when her heart was completely shattered, it would be that second. Tina leaving, back then and just this morning, those were heartbreaking. But this...

"My heart never left you, Bette, and I think that's why it still hurts. I've loved you so thoroughly all these years, it never got the chance to be fixed." Tina looked away, focusing on a brick at the wall on the opposite building outside her window. "My heart's in scars and stitches because it's been broken so many times."

"So many--?" Bette was confused. Tina only left her twice, what was she...?

"Everytime you say you'd call from work, and you don't. When you say you'll be home for dinner and you're not. Each time you bring work with you to bed, instead of talking to me. Everytime you choose to go to work instead of spending time with me. Whenever your dad would abuse me in front of you, and you let it pass." Tina recanted, glancing briefly at Bette. "You've made so many promises, you've broken a lot of them, and kept a lot more. You promised me the world, you promised me forever."

Bette, previously speaking in an endless run-on sentence, didn't know what to say. Her heart, previously shattered, was somehow putting itself back together, albeit slowly, afraid to be whole again only to once again be broken.

"This is too hard, Bette. The past... I don't trust myself, so I can't trust you. I can't trust our future together. There's nothing else I want than to live the rest of my life in your arms, but I don't know what's going on outside of that. I want to be with you, I do, but I can't. Not in LA."

"But if we're--" Bette was silenced by Tina shaking her head.

"The thing is I've always been smart when it came to relationships. I always knew when to walk away. But when it comes to you everything goes out the window."

"Tina, I know--"

"No, Bette, wait." Tina cut in gently, turning back to her. "You've been everything I've ever wanted and needed, and although I'm telling you that those events hurt me in the past, I wouldn't trade them in for anything. I wouldn't give up a single second of our relationship. Its highs, its lows, its best and its worst. Even at those moments when you tell me you love me, that it'll never happen again, and against better judgement I believe you. You tell me not to give up on you, Bette, and what am I supposed to do? I can't say no to you. You tell me now that you want me back, and I hate myself for wanting to say no. But I have to. If I don't we'll never get out of this vicious cycle, and you deserve better than that."

Bette reached up, gently brushing away the tears staining Tina's beautiful skin. "T, baby, don't cry."